Edelicious

All Grown Up!

2008-08-05T16:10:00.002+08:00

So my brother left for Pittsburgh. Then I realized, we're all grown up. We have our own lives and we make our own decisions.

The Beatles Got It Right

2008-07-03T11:06:00.003+08:00

There are times when I just feel weak and helpless. It's raining today, and I usually love this kind of weather but not today. I feel like I wanna throw up, my hands are cold and I'm so out of it. I can't work properly. On times like these, i can't help but think of all sorts of crazy things like collapsing or whatever. Then I remember Elvin. I feel his warmth and just the thought of him holding my hand eases all this pain.

All you need is love.

**I'm officially baduy.
And I'm okay with it.

Suppression: Things I Shouldn't Do at 23.

2008-07-01T07:28:00.003+08:00

Over the weekend, my dad said something to me that I totally disagree with. Well, for one, I feel like he's in his andorpausal stage. One minute he's happy, and then he's raving mad the next. And being the only child at home really doesn't help. Where are my siblings when I need them? Maaannnnn. I'm seriously thinking of moving out. I actually kinda said that out loud by mistake last Sunday, and he said, "No."

"No," is such a powerful word for me, especially when it's uttered by my dad. I am 23 years old and I'm still seeking for his approval, and I'm beginning to hate myself for it. Seriously!

As a kid, I was taught to obey the elders. There are rules and standards to be followed, no questions asked. Disobeying, I have learned will result in very serious consequences such as spanking in the butt (although this never happened to me), or me being grounded, no use of computer, etc. So I just obeyed these rules growing up, tried to measure up to what I think was acceptable to my parents and for the most part, avoided confrontation with them.

I feared my parents when I was younger. Both of them had Type A personalities and I've seen them battle it out with words and the last thing that you wanna do is to upset them. I remember going home with my report card and I had a 79, I was crying and I didn't wanna talk to them because my agreement with them was I won't get a grade lower than 80. My dad was trying to compose himself as so not to burst, but he'd just let out a huge sigh. I could have done better. Ohwell.

I think this is one reason why my siblings and I just came together. We did the 'bad' things together (like getting out of the house in the afternoon without our nannies knowing), so if one would get caught, all of us will be scolded. Except for the few instances when Ate Erin or Kuya Nono got the boot. This would even go to getting things one wanted. Sometimes, we're just too afraid to ask for something we wanted, so we'd just say all of us wanted it, but looking back, yeah, we all wanted it the Play Station, for example. We helped out each other, Covering each other's asses was understood, and that goes on until today.

We're a happy family. I'd like to think we're normal and we've a close relationship with each other. But one reason why we don't go hugging each other is because our feelings have always been suppressed. One thing I notice is, whenever something upsets any of us, we'd go in our room and lock ourselves in it and we won't come out until we feel relieved. We won't talk to each other about it. We'll just move directly to forgiveness, without knowing how or why it was resolved, or was it resolved in the first place. I remember, when Zaza and I fought about something, we were forced to hug and kiss each other and once that's done, we're good. While my dad was forcing us to do this, Ate Erin and Kuya Nono were in the background laughing at us. I was about 5. I even have a picture of it! Now that I think about it, it's weird that we would move straight to the hug with all our anger and emotions bottled up inside.

And so I did. Whatever happiness or sadness I felt, I hid from my parents, with the fear that they won't like it. When I went to a soiree, I just said we hung out in my friend's house. I had my nose pierced when they were out of the country. I admit, when I saw their reaction with a silver stud in my nose, and they didn't know how to react, I enjoyed it. There was a huge sigh of relief when I was finally shifted my boring Eco-Accounting course. It was a struggle. They think I partied my way out of college, and that I am still partying at work. They don't know how frustrated I am that my sister is taking an "art" course, and they're excited to take her to different places: New York or Switzerland, when they told me that "art" won't bring me anywhere until I finish a business course.

I'd like to think I have moved on. I really do.

Which brings us to Saturday. My dad was in the van telling me I shouldn't act "too in love" with my boyfriend, that I should suppress these emotions I feel because there are certain norms and standards that the society has set for me to follow. That I shouldn't be dancing with him while I'm holding a beer, in my cousin's birthday party because it is an embarrassment to them and to my grandparents. That I shouldn't go to his house because it leaves a bad taste in the mouth, that I look cheap.

I seriously don't know how to react to all that. I was at the back of the van. I knew that no matter what I say would be wrong to them so I resorted to sarcastic remarks such as: "Generation gap lang yan, " or "Edi cheap ako, " or "Abnoy ako eh."

I mean, what could I possibly say? What's wrong with acting "too in love?" Isn't that a good thing? I can't even believe that I am being told to suppress something so good, if not one of the best things that ever happened to me.

And what's wrong with dancing with my boyfriend with a beer in my hand? He even had to tell my cousins to tell me to stop dancing. I mean.... WTF? I wasn't even drunk. I knew my younger cousins were there but I'm 23, I can drink whatever I want. And it's a party. They were serving beer and there was music. What do they want me to do? Drink iced tea and sit down? For the record, my grandparents enjoyed dancing with me, eventhough I had beer in my hand.

Finally, so what if I go to my boyfriend's house? We were gonna paint and his stuff was in his house. He goes to my house most of the time, and I know how far he lives from Alabang. It takes him frikkin 2 hours to get to my house from his house, so I thought, I'd go to him this time. And besides, we live in the age where women are most free. Old traditions don't apply anymore.

For all those 3 situations, I was just being myself and they can't even accept it.

HIT ME! - Edel

2008-06-27T10:57:00.007+08:00

So I had to visit my doctor the other day and apparently, my hormones are imbalanced again. My last visit to the doctor was last year when I had alopecia and my period got weird. This time though, I still have my hair (I'm growing it), but my period is weird, so immediately I thought this has got to be the hormones.

What's even more weird is the fact that I don't have so much work load now. I'm in fact, in my office doing this because there's really nothing to do. This has been goin on for 2 weeks already. My mind's starting to wander off. I'm getting bored and I'm looking at job opportunities abroad. Hah!

Point is, because of this hormone thing, I'm back on The Pill. I hate taking meds. Especially not this one, because it makes me fat. Sure, my boobs will get bigger, but everything else will be bigger: my thighs, my arms, my tummy. Arrrgghh. I should really start exercising again. Actually, I've been planning to...since the year started but... I've so many buts. I will, I will. SOON.
_________________________________________

A lot of things have happened in the past few months. For one, that Bacolod trip I was supposed to have with my blockmates last May never pushed through. Haha. But, went back to Singapore to visit Zaza a few weeks ago and it was fun. Got to appreciate all these artsy stuff. But more than anything, it was great to see my younger sister. She has matured in a lot of things, I must say but she's still a whiner. She still complains about everything. I can never truly understand her situation, I guess. She's there alone, while I'm here comfortable. All I want for her to do though, is for her to change her attitude. She's always on the defensive, feeling like everyone's after her. She should just embrace this experience and learn everything she can because she'll learn something about herself too. Well! Easier said than done!

Oh, and when I was there, I finally got to do the reverse bungee! That was one hell of a ride. I threw up after, lost my watch and triggered my vertigo, but I'm glad I did it.

Hmm, what else is new? My mom has "retired" from Dependable Packaging and Printing House Corp...or so she says. Haha. What's really funny about my MUTHER is when she says she'll do something, almost always, she ends up not doing it. I mean, she still goes to her office, plus!!! She's looking for a new office because she and my dad formed another company. Don't ask me what, I just know it's a trade company. Good thing about her retirement is she's now into golf. Every week, she'd go to the driving range and have her lessons. What's even better is finally, my dad has someone to play with. So now, they talk about golf non-stop. It's cute. My folks are cute.

Then there's Ate Erin, who moved out for the second time. With the prices of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING increasing, she decided to save. SAVE!!! OHMYGOD! My curly-haired sister only knows how to spend money is saving. SAVING!!! Haha. And she's happier too. I can see that she's very happy with Raoul. Raoul's such a nice guy. Too nice, in fact. Sometimes I feel like if something goes wrong it'd be because of my sister. It's mean yeah. But then I think that Raoul knows how to deal with her, in ways most of the people around her, even me, don't know how...which makes Raoul good for her. At the end of the day, I'm just happy to see her happy.

Then there's my brotha. The genius that is my brother, is going to the US to study...hmmm... what is it exactly? Uhh. Game development. He passed the test and got accepted in one of the top Computer Science schools in the US. How badass is that! He'll be leaving fro Pittsburgh soon, in a month actually since school year starts in August I think. They've been checking out the net, looking for a place where he can live. Wow. Things are happening so fast! I dunno what his plan is with Tricia but my gut tells me he'll propose before he leaves and then they'll have a very long engagement. Haha. He'll be there for 2 years. Wow. I wish him the best of luck.

Seems like everybody's got something going on with their lives. And I'm starting to feel the pressure of I dunno what...moving out or getting an MBA, working abroad. Hayy. I am somewhat bored with my career, honestly. I feel like I need a new challenge or a new environment. I've become very comfortable with my job that I don't get excited anymore. Arrgggghhh. Maybe this is why I am stressed. And it has dawned on me: why do I feel like I have to live up to my parents' expectations of taking over the business? I mean, clearly, Culinary Arts and Game Development has nothing to do with what my folks have established. But then I realized: I am good at making money, and I am a good business person, and taking over isn't really my goal, it's more of developing my own business with what I know and what I do best. I am starting to realize what I want to do. I kinda know what it is but it's not that clear yet (if that makes any sense). I need to iron this out. I need to start now. I mean, I only have less than 5 years to make my first million. And believe me, I will. I just don't know how yet.

I Can't Think of A Title.

2008-05-31T11:55:00.004+08:00

I haven't been blogging as much as I used to, as much as I want to. Blame it on the work load and tight schedule. Actually, I've been wanting to write in my blog, but there's so much in my head, so much to say that I don't even know where to start. So, I'm starting off with Sex And The City Movie I watched last Tuesday.

For a girl like me, Sex And The City is a dream. To put myself in Carrie Bradshaw's shoes (Manolo Blahnik shoes, take note), is something that I have been fantasizing about since I could remember. To walk in the streets of New York with so much confidence in those amazing clothes with a smile on my face, showing the world that I have made it and I'm content, really is the ultimate dream.

Maybe for some New York is a cliche. One would probably say that New York is overrated. But I am a romantic. I believe in soulmates and all that jazz. Just the thought of being in New York gives me the chills. I've been there once and it's a city that breathes on it's own. It's a scary place to be in but at the same time you'd want to be part of it. I wanna be part of it. Someday I will. New York! New York!
___________________________

The film started off with the premise that people go to New York for the 2 L's: Labels and Love. Basically, that's what life is about, isn't it? For a girl like me, at least. The modern woman strives to achieve success. Success may come in many forms, but to me, success is all about getting paid the big bucks for something I enjoy. To be able to buy all the things I want on my own gives me fulfillment. I know money cannot buy TRUE happiness, but reality is, money can buy a lot of things that makes people happy. Labels can be achieved with passion, hard work and as my Dad would say, you need a little bit of luck, too.

Now for the second L: Love. It's such a strong word and for centuries, people have been trying to define what it is. Songs have been sung, literature has been written about this one thing, and yet it's still a mystery. I guess, a person can never truly understand it until it happens to her. I am lucky to have found love at the right time. Maybe the reason for the long wait was because I wasn't ready then. I have fully embraced a life with partnership. Singularity, as much as I loved my life then, I can't imagine going back to it again. (But, take note, I'm still an independent woman, okay?) Passion, on the other hand I believe should come with love. Lastly, for a relationship to last, it requires hard work. 3 months into the relationship, everything's great. We're very open and we talk about whatever needs to be talked about. I know, it may be early to say. But I will make this work. We are gonna make this work.

Bow.

On Love and the Future...and Babies.

2008-04-20T19:03:00.005+08:00

At this point, I wouldn't know if someone reads my blog, but I haven't blogged in a really long time and I miss it.

So, so for the big announcement that I'm sure my 'readers' all want to know. Yes, I have a boyfriend. For two months already, actually. Yes, I'm in love and very happy. I met him through my GH boys: Aga and Ted. He's Aga's barkada in high school. He's an art director for Eventscape Manila, but moreover, he's an artist. He paints and he's amazing. I had my doubts at first but I guess the attraction (on all levels, meaning not just physical) was there. He proved to be sincere and I think most of all, he gets me. I met him November, got together in February, but I feel like we've known each other for a long time. He makes me very, very happy and I'm in love. So, that's the end of that. Next!

As for my job, I am still doing events for Arc. I'm happy with it. I'm used to the stress and I think it makes my work exciting. I think I'm gonna stay in the company for another year. I've to figure out my future. Seriously. Thinking about the future kinda scares me. I know I want to go to New York or London or some place fierce to study / work / whatever. I feel like I need to do it. I need to do it for me. I don't have a gameplan yet, and that's what scares me. I know I want a creative agency of my own, and that's why I need to go out and see the world. Hayayay.

On babies. Haha. It's crazy I know but I just have to let it out. Since late last year, I feel like I want to have a baby. Of course, I haven't gone out of my mind, and no, I'm not having a baby anytime soon. I dunno what the reason for this is, honestly. I'm finding it all funny. Haha.

Attracting the Good Vibes!

2008-01-15T16:06:00.000+08:00

Today is January 16, 2008. The year have just begun and my life's getting pretty interesting.

For one, I've my travels scheduled. This January, I'm going to Subic. For February I'm in Cebu and Vietnam. May comes and I'll be in Bacolod! And that's just for May! I'm sooo going places this year, ahluvit. Travelling, especially with family and friends is always fun. Going to different places, regardless if you've been there before is always a delight for me.

Secondly, I'm dating. And my friends know me. I NEVER date. Well I did, since it really started last year. I was just mum about it cos none of it became serious and I wasn't serious about it. But now I'm kinda into this meeting guys and stuff, and I must say, it's pretty fun. I'm not exclusively dating one guy. I'd like to stay open. So this "single ready to mingle" I guess is really applicable now. Haha. Am I on a quest to find true love? Not really. I just thought, meet as much people (should be interesting enough), enjoy the flattery (aka free stuff and gifts), learn about yourself in the process, and maybe I'll bump into...uhh.. him? (I would have said Knight in Shining Armor but then.. I don't need saving, thank you. I would have said Prince Charming but that just sounds so superficial, and I'd like to think I'm not. Haha!).

I've started reading again! I've an officemate who thought I should read Gaiman so he lent me Coraline, which I really enjoyed. So now, he gave me another book, Archangel and I'm enjoying it. Then my other officemate happens to love poetry, and loves Neruda so the other day, I brought my 2 Neruda book of poems to him. Then it was like high school again. They lend me literature, I give them movies to watch. Haha. It's pretty cool.

Then Kathy and I just made a risk list. One of the things to do for 08: Go to a mall on a regular day, in full costume. Haha. Then there's one thing that I've been fantasizing of doing: dance in the rain. That's so cute, right? This list ain't done yet..so maybe we'll get back to that soon...

I am claiming 2008 and this shall be my best year yet. I'm not saying there won't be tears and arguments. That would be boring. What I'm saying is, I'll take risks, I'll break the rules (okay, maybe just a few), I'll do something exciting that I've never done before. I'll work my ass off but I'll make sure to party hard and get drunk with good friends once in a while. I dunno exactly how all these will happen. But I just know it will.

Looking forward to a great '08!

2008-01-03T19:54:00.000+08:00

This is how I want my year to be:

"May this year be filled wih magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art, write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere (this) year, you surprise yourself." -- Neil Gaiman

Cheers!

Merry Christmas

2007-12-19T17:15:00.000+08:00

I didn't realize the reach of my blog...and I read a couple of my entries on this page alone..and there are some pretty embarrassing stuff. Haha. And I also realized my blog is very angsty...so for the holidays..none of that.

Well, I haven't posted in a really long time, and unlike my last post, I'm free as a bird. I'm not doing anything, and haven't been doing anything for weeks now. I kinda miss the busy life, but I'm grateful I have this free time during the holidays. Got everyone in the office gifts that I wrapped myself (and they were BEAUTIFULLY WRAPPED ah), and I'm excited to open my Christmas presents on Christmas day.. Well that's weird cos I'll be in Singapore on Christmas..I dunno how that would work, but all I know is I don't wanna open my presents yet. Hehe. I got a lot!!! I love gifts! I love Christmas!!!

Okay..since I'm not doing anything I can leave the office early. Yehh! Okay..so..see ya!

How Do I Really Cope With Stress

2007-10-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

At the time of my job interview, I didn't know how to answer the question. That's why my answer to the question didn't answer the question. Maybe because at the time, I didn't know what stress was. In fact, at the time, I had alopecia areata (I've bald spots) and the doctors always asked me if I was stressed, because that usually was the cause of that sickness. It was a weird question to be asked at the time because I was bumming. I was at home doing nothing for months and it's funny how I can get a sickness caused by stress. I wasn't at all at the time, so to be asked by doctors that question...it was just weird.

So anyway, 7 months after, here I am. I've actually experienced stress and I know how to answer the question. It's pretty simple really. Anyone who knows me should know by now how I deal with stress. So below, are my top 5 ways of dealing with it:

1. "This is the life." -- Zaza and I used to do this at least once a month back in college. We'd go to the country club. We'll hit the gym and then the sauna after. We'll be in that hot room sweating our asses off with our eyes closed, breathing deeply and everytime we exhale, we're thinking.. "Ahhh...this is the life." It's actually something I taught her. In college, I arranged my time in such a way that I'll have time for everything: workout, sauna, foot spas, manicures, haircuts, tennis and watching TV. Haha! I was fit, healthy, I know what was happening with the world and I have nice skin. Life was great.

2. SHOPPING -- Every woman knows shopping is therapeutic. Looking at nice things at the mall is okay, but it gets stressful if you just look at them and not actually get it. Now that I've my own money to spend, I "invest" them on pretty clothes, shoes, books, CD's and what-nots that'll make me feel like I'm worth a million bucks. It is superficial, but it helps!

3. Watching anything -- I'm a movie addict. I'll watch anything. I've watched movies that made me cry, made me laugh, even those that made me want to kill myself. I can watch movies ranging from The Notebook to 40 Year Old Virgin to Planet Terror to 100 Ballas and I'll appreciate it. I guess, except for The Chronicles of Riddick. Ick! And thank goodness for torrents!!! I can watch Heroes, Greys Anatomy and now, my ultimate favorite, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER!

4. Drinking -- Nothing compares to drinking with friends after a hard day's work. Letting yourself loose and drinking with people you enjoy hanging out is the best. You'll talk about anything and you'll end up doing stupid things you'll enjoy talking about days after. You won't even remember parts of that night. Your friends would have to fill up the gaps in your memory and although it could be embarrassing, it's okay. You have an excuse: you were intoxicated and didn't know any better.

5. Bashing my clients -- I guess anyone who has worked in the agency knows that this is really effective. No matter how nice your clients are in real life, meaning outside work, because work is part of real life, but that's not the real life I'm talking about, it always works to bash your clients. Call them bitches, witches, assholes, jerks, or even make fun of the gap in their teeth, making fun of them behind their backs is fun. I mean, sometimes I'm thinking maybe they're doing it to us too, but who cares. Out of all of my ways of coping, this is what I do most of the time. Right after meetings, we go back to our office and the bashing starts. Haha!!!

I've a few more like eating chocolates, or singing really loudly while driving, or talking to myself Gollum style...but then this entry will never end.. so... END!

Be Careful What You Wish For

2007-10-01T22:39:00.000+08:00

My boss asked me in my job interview: "How do you cope with stress?"

My answer was: "My dad always told me, when you want to get something done, give it to a busy person cos for sure, it'll get done."

Yes, I'm stressed. Super stressed in fact that I don't want to sleep anymore because that means I won't be productive for a few hours.

Yes I'm tired. Super tired in fact that I feel like my eyes are gonna pop. I've been staring at the computer for days trying to figure out what to do. When I sleep, I think about work. I dream about work. But when I do wake up, I don't wanna wake up, I want to stay in bed, and I just pray that there's a strong typhoon, so strong that work operations would stop. That or there's another coup'd'eta.

I lost 4 pounds in a week. The good news is I'm gonna win our office's biggest loser. The bad news is.. that's frikkin four pounds in a week! That's not healthy at all!!!

If there's one thing I've learned, I'm not a quitter. No matter how hard things get, I never quit. I never intended to until last Friday. I was really ready to throw in the towel but I realized...I will pull this off.

The question is.. HOW?!?!?! How am I gonna effin pull this off?!?!?!

I am praying for a miracle.

I've always wanted to work in an agency in The Enterprise Center. 6 months later... this. I'm overworked, no social life (I organize parties for a living, but that's not my social life) and underpaid. Why am I doing this again? Oh yeah, I wished for it. Now that I got it, I don't know why I even wanted it in the first place.

Blurb

2007-09-22T23:29:00.000+08:00

A lot of things have been happening lately but I feel like I'm not actually there to experience it. I feel kinda detached from the world these days.

Just a Phase?

2007-09-06T23:22:00.001+08:00

I feel overworked and extremely underpaid. I know I said when I first started working that I don't care about the money, it's after the experience and all of the learnings I'm supposed to gain, but I feel like I'm missing on a lot of things. I've seen my friends traveling and I feel like I'm stuck here. My GMAT reviewer has been hiding in my drawer for a few months already and as much as I want to start reviewing it, I'm busy or just tired. I max out my weekends as much as possible because it's the only time that I have outside work. I don't mind watching 4 back to back movies or just doing nothing because I feel like I'm running out of energy. Am I burned out? Hah! My bosses are calling me "supergirl." Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not really sure...

It's funny though how I got here. I've always wanted to work in an agency, in the best-looking building in Makati. Tada. I'm there. For 6 months already, in fact. I said I'll only work here for 2 years but time's been flying extremely fast. I'm not thinking of qutting or anything, but I want a 1week break. A week of not doing work-related stuff sounds like paradise.

I'm sure this is just a phase. I should be back to work 100% by Monday. Hayy...

________

It's scary how my bosses are Alpha females. There's a Bazaar issue about Alpha Females and I can relate. There was a woman there and she said something like "I'm not sure if I'm single because I work hard or I work hard because I'm single." It's only been 6 months, I know... But I don't wanna get to that point.

Everybody's Free

2007-08-05T22:20:00.000+08:00

My morning song is Everybody's Free (Sunscreen) by Baz Luhrmann... It's his speech and it goes like this:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’97... wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists; whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are NOT as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.
________

Perfect way to start the day, right? And I truly believe in every single word. I'm at the point of my life where I feel like anything's possible. The world is at my finger tips. I can do whatever I want to do. But yes, an intimate relationship seems to be the only thing lacking. Thing is, I think that I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet although I want a guy. Just to have someone to go with me wherever or invite me to do whatever. It's a fact that I'm growing old, along with the people around me. My siblings have their own lives and we seldom spend time together anymore. This goes for my friends. It's not like high school or college anymore. Everything has to be planned. It's not as easy to invite my friends for a movie as it was before. They have their own responsibilities, and relationships. I'm used to walking alone in the malls when I go shopping but as much as I enjoy my "me" time, I think I've had enough of that. It's about time for me to let someone in. Contradicting ba??

Well..thing is, with all this confidence and wisdom (if you call it that), that I've gained and life that I've experienced, it has become more challenging. I can't just judge a guy with his looks, I've to judge him in totality. I need someone as smart, if not smarter, and we've to be in the same page. I'd love to be sweeped off my feet but flowers, chocolates or even sweet words of pambobola can't do that. Hah! So goodluck na lang!

This Is How It Feels Like

2007-07-06T22:09:00.000+08:00

My parents are away. My brother's out of the house. Youngest sister in Singapore. Ate lives at home, but we rarely see each other. So basically, it's like I'm living by myself, in this huge house, 2 house helpers.

I wake up in the morning and with my goal of losing weight, I do my 20 minute exercise. Then prepare to go to work. I go down to eat breakfast. Ask Ate Merlyn what's happening, if there's anything she needs for the house. I leave for work.

WORK. It's a mixture of fun and stress but I love it anyway, even if I feel like I'm underpaid.

I go home. Do my cardio (when I can), eat dinner while watching Deal or No Deal (I don't wanna change the channel because that's what the helpers wanna watch) then log into my computer. I shower, then I sleep.

That's my routine everyday.

I look forward to the weekend every week. I always ask my friends if they wanna go out or what they're up to. Then I just go wherever, do whatever.

Thank God I've wonderful friends. Thank God for my kind officemates. Thank God I'm single but not alone.

Pills, Pills, Pills

2007-06-13T21:37:00.000+08:00

A few months ago, my doctor told me to take pills because I have hormonal imbalance. It's amazing that when I googled what I was feeling for what seems like weeks, the brand of the pills I'm taking appears!!! Urgh..I hate this! I've been reading all the side effects experienced by all the other users, that's exactly how I feel! It's like I'm experiencing ALL of the side effects.. grrr..

1. Hungry all the time but I feel bloated and I feel like I wanna throw up. -- I HATE HATE HATE THIS! Sometimes, all I think about is food!!! I just ate breakfast and I'm already thinking of what I'll be eating for lunch!

2. Sleepy all day, tired even if I slept more than 8 hours! No wonder I can't get myself out of bed to exercise!!! All I wanna do is sleep!!! In the office, I can't focus on work because I feel sleepy all the time!

3. I'm irritable. Yes, I'm masungit but now, I'm like 10x more! No wonder I'm bitching about the cat, who by the way is already scared of me.

4. My boobs grew bigger. At first I'm like.. "wow, big boobs!" Now, I hate it. My bras are really tight and I feel like I can't breathe!

5. FACIAL HAIR?!?!?! Fuck. I thought it was just my imagination that maybe I've been super vain and I see all these stuff I didn't see before but I've bigote and hair on my cheekbones!!! It's an F'n side effect! And last Saturday, Ted told me.. "Edel may bigote ka pala!" And I'm like..WTF?! We've been friends for more that 4 years and now he notices I have bigote?! Urgh.. I hate it!!!

6. I'm gaining weight. At first, I thought it was just work and that I'm doing nothing but since all I can think about is food and this pill is retaining fluids or whatever, I'm gaining weight!!! Unbelievable! And since I can't get myself to exercise in the morning, I just keep gaining it. I haven't weighed myself and I don't think I want to.. Arrrrrgggghhhhhh!!! My pants are tighter!!! I'm wearing low rise jeans a month ago and now, I just can't. SHEETTT!!!!

7. I'm tired ALL THE TIME. I was able to exercise last week and instead of being energetic, I felt super tire the whole day, and the day after that, and the day after the day after that.

THIS HAS TO STOP!!!!! Urgh! I want my happy pills now.

Too young for a crisis

2007-05-31T20:49:00.000+08:00

I'm bored. With everything, apparently. I feel like I've soo few friends who really get me and share my passion. I've great friends, sure. It's just that, I dunno, I'm just bored. I need something / someone to inspire me, I guess. A new hobby could make a difference...maybe. My life has become ar routine. I love my work, it's just as a whole, something's missing. I'm not sure what it is but I look back at my young life and there are sooo many things I failed to do because I've a "few" friends who can ride with me. Most of the time, I just go with the flow, and really contradicting myself. I've always thought I dance to my own music but the truth is, I'm a coward.

1. Surfing - I've always wanted to try this but I never did. At one point, I was almost there but my dad stopped me. People that I hang out with and my friends, either didn't have time, money or just wasn't interested. I mean, I can't just go to the ocean by myself and learn, hello. It's not as if I live near the beach. Bummer.

2. Wakeboarding - I've tried this once and I instantly fell in love with it. It's just that, again, same with surfing: none of my friends wanna go with me for the same reasons--money, time and just not interested. Well, we went to Cam Sur, and I thought that was the start. I was happy they were all excited and they said they wanted to pursue it, but..yeah..I can see it. It'll never happen again. I won't be riding any board again.

3. Do I even have to talk about film making?

And these are just a few things. Right now, when I invite my friends to go out, I get the same response: no money, no time or I get some lame excuse. Shit. I'm tired of this. I feel like my friends are taking me for granted. OR maybe I'm being a selfish brat in need for attention. I thought about that, and no. I need new friends. New people to hang out with. A different group of people who would love to hang out with me everytime I ask them to and at the same time and vice versa. Shit. I hate it because i'm becoming NR or I end up hating the whole world, and in a way, I've become anti-social.

As it turns out, I'm not the only one bored. Abby and Sab are..and as I read from Ikay's blog, she is too.

It's driving me nuts

2007-05-25T10:39:00.000+08:00

There's only one thing driving me crazy nowadays. It's not work. My event as just finished and I'm enjoying this down time. I have a long weekend, in fact because I'm on COMPLUSORY DAY OFF. So anyway, it's not my parents. I've gotten used to them and I guess being the "only" child most of the time has its ups and downs. It's simple really. It's DYLAN. My sister's cat, given to her by her boyfriend. At first, I've no problems with it. It's stinky, but it's cute and his owners are so into him. A few months later, it's fucking pain in the ass. Here are the reasons why:

1. The owners aka ErJan, are, shall I say busy with work. That's true. Amidst their busy-ness, they meet every night when they can here at home to watch Maging Sino Ka Man. Dylan on the other hand, is LOCKED in my sister's room (as it has been all day) and ocassionally, it gets into my room where he just spreads his funk and fur. Oh and yeah, he also does that in the bathroom given that my sister and I have a common bathrooms. I mean, can't they pet him even for five minutes so it feels like he's a pet and not just a poor animal being tortured?! There are days when the poor creature doesn't eat or drink the whole day because the owner forgets to feed him, or maybe just too busy. Whatever.

2. He jumps into my things: on the bed, table, my laptop!!! When I open my closet to check what to wear for the next day, he just jumps in it. So my jeans, skirts have fur in them. We're talking about dark fabric here so it's very visible, plus, the fur is itchy, so who the hell would want to have stinkin' cat hair on their clothes? That's what eats my time in the morning! I have to shed the hair off my clothes.

3. In case my sister forgets, I have asthma. I've asthma since I was born, and I still get attacks until now. I've just had an attack and haven't fully recovered. Hair and particles coming from him are obviously not helping. I get to inhale it while I sleep. Hello???

4. My sister has finally moved out...of her room. Obviously, she can't stand the smell. Uhh...it reaches my room even if the doors are closed. She's now sleeping in my brother's room. Can you see the problem right here? She doesn't have to move out. The cat does.

5. Well, I'd give props to the owners because 1 out of 20 days, they remember they have a pet and they groom it, clean it's litterbox, and possibly play with it. It doesn't really take out the smell, but it helps a LITTLE. Maybe if they do that 1 out of 3 days, it won't be a problem. I won't have a problem with it.

6. No one in this house appreciates Dylan. NO ONE. My Dad hates it. You can't believe how many times he has cursed the cat and he actually swears he'll bring the cat somewhere far from the house and hope it gets lost. My mom's reaction on the other hand is similar, but nicer. She wants to give it to Mama or Tita Chona, as long as it's out of the house with an owner who'll take care of it. Me? HAH! I wanna serve it as siopao in Hen-Lin. Ate Erin...I personally think that it's their little experiment. Maybe they wanna have a baby and they're testing if they're capable..well obviously not. But does she appreciate Dylan? Maybe just because Jan gave it to her. She lost the day after Jan gave it to her! He was lost for 1 whole day!

7. I remember it was outta here for a week. It stayed in Jan's house and no one there likes it as well. Abby tells me the family got into a big argument because of the cat. So... see?!?!?!

Have I given enough reasons already?! Do I have to come home super tired to find out my room stinks and that Dylan is hiding under my bed and then scream at my sister so she does something about it? Whattawaste of energy, don't u think???

Aren't we all just wasting time, energy and money for this cat? If this cat's not out of this house within a week, I will personally take it outside and let Bruno eat it. YA HEAR ME?!?!?!

HELL Week

2007-05-12T12:49:00.000+08:00

I've just experienced hell week. Back in college, when people say hell week, that just means term papers are due or it's finals week and then add it to your org responsibilities... With work, it's a very different hell week. I've been taking my client's bullshit for months now and I still have to do what they say with an F'in smile on my face. They think you're not doing what you're supposed to, despite the fact that you've been staying in the office until 11pm, everyday. In fact, when I was the last one in the office, I didn't have the time to think about the ghost stories they were saying. I was too busy looking at the excel file my client gave me and figure out how everything will work. I went to work last Saturday, and then Sunday at 1pm, I headed to Fontana along with my officemates.

My first event in Arc is the PMPMI's NATCON 2007. Basically, it's the week long sales convention of PMPMI and they flew in participants from all accross the country. Everything would have gone perfectly well, if not for my client's bullshit. They haven't paid Fontana the day before the event. They've been changing rooming list until 1am of Monday, and take note, the event starts Monday! Fontana was on the verge of backing out because they should have had the signed contract and the payment at least a week before the event. It's fucking 2am in the morning of Monday, and there was still no contract. Crazy, right? I don't wanna narrate the whole thing, but thank god for the entertainment these events have. These were my down times. I got to watch Imago, Indio I, The Dawn, Pinikpikan, Belly Dancers, Poi Dancers and the fireworks. At least for a few moments, my clients would shut up and stop perstering me and enjoy the show. My favorite time was when my client was soo drunk she looked totally out of it and she was hugging me for the good job SHE did. Tsss..

I dunno why I got into this job or WHY I wanted this job. I guess it's really good for me. I'm a spoiled brat who doesn't take orders from anyone, until now. I've learned to suck it all up and cry in a corner when I'm super annoyed and can't do anything about it, and not let anyone find out, except of course my boss who has been crying for weeks. It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. My dad told me that it's part of the job and I should just do it and watch these people die their slow deaths because of all the cigarettes they've been smoking. Yeah right! If I work long enough with them I would die before they do because of second hand smoke.

I've probably gained a lot of things from this event and I just don't know it yet. But right now, I'm just happy it's over!!!

I wish I could just disappear and go to a beach somewhere to forget all about this. Hayyyyy!!!

Losing my Temper yet again!

2007-04-30T21:10:00.000+08:00

Well..tomorrow's labor day and although my bosses are coming to work, I'm not...

I'm waiting for Kuya Colin whom, at this time has really pissed me off. For so long, I've been really patient with him, but he's just a fucking jerk who takes advantage of my parents' kindness.

1. He has Monday sickness. He always comes up with an excuse so he won't go to work on Mondays. And we all know how Mondays can be so stressful. Major traffic jams, especially in the morning. So that leaves Mom driving herself all the way to Quezon City. One time he told me his knee was injured, when he told Kuya Tony that same day his shoulder was injured. So ano ba talaga!?!?!?

2. He drives like he owns the car. Tsss.. He'd go race with other cars and when he's pissed he doesn't care if someone's inside. Not to be a bitch here, but if something happens to the car because of his frikkin' ego, he won't be paying the bills.

3. He plays basketball. Nothing wrong with that, but he leaves the house without telling anyone and when someone needs him, he's nowhere to be found and cannot be reached. He's not paid to let us wait while he plays.

Argghhh!!!! So many times my parents have wanted to fire him, but they're just too nice and they can't do it. And besides, it's hard to look for a driver who actually knows how to get anywhere.

Hayyy...where the hell is he?!?! Oohh and by the way, BINAGSAKAN NIYA AKO NG TELEPONO!!! San ka pa?!?!?! Soonnnn of a bitch!!! GRRRRR!!!!

I Need A Break

2007-04-27T20:47:00.000+08:00

I may have been going out of town a lot lately: Donsol and Cam Sur...but if I could do that every week end, I really would. This job of mine is soooo toxic. By the end of the week, I really need to go somewhere and do something so I could forget all about it and recharge.

My room's a mess. I don't even have the time to fix it. All my stuff are in Zaza's bed. Haha. Maybe I do it because it's quite a change that no one's there every morning I wake up. With my stuff there, there's something there. And during the weekends, I really don't wanna do anything!!!

Today's pay day. Somehow I feel with all the work I'm doing, I am underpaid. I've been going home really late. I mean, I'm still here. It's a Friday, 8:50pm (well..I've been done by 8:00pm, and i'm just waiting for Sab to pick me up cos we're going to NIna's party), but still. 8pm!?!?! And to think, this is early. THis week, I've been going home at 9 - 10pm. Hayyy... I like my job, but this project I'm handling is really stressful. My client's up my ass all the fucking time and she even calls me at 11 fucking pm!!! Doesn't she know the relevance of working hours?! HELLO!!!

But anyway, good vibes..

I wonder where Sab is!!! I'm sooo hungry. I'm trying to save money by bringin baon...but in the morning, I wake up late and don't have the time to prepare it. Ate Merlyn's the only househelp so I have to do it myself. What will we do without Ate Merlyn?! We seriously would go crazy. She knows where everything is, and it's amazing she knows how to cook. A good one at that, too! Aww criminy, I'm really hungry. Shi just texted me to wait 15 mins...

I'm alone in the office. Dumdidum...

Ohh shit. Spidey 3 is coming up and I won't be in Manila to watch it with my friends in iMax!!! Argh. I'll be in Fontana for the event. I'll be there from may 5 - May 11. Shit!!! I'm glad it's almost over though.

I realize now why advertising people curse all the time. Haha. I've been cursing a lot lately. I wanna smack my client in the head, and do a lot of illegal things to her. She's sooo annoying!!! But I feel sorry for her in a way. Because of her work load, she's always doing over time and since she's working for a cigarette company, it's okay to smoke. And we're talking about majority of the company smoking! For those reasons, she had a miscarriage. Poor girl. She's only 28 but she looks like she's 35. Hayyy.. I hope I don't be like that!!

I'm soooo hungger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE THEY?!?!??!?!?!

Come South, Cam Sur

2007-04-26T23:45:00.000+08:00

Hayy...thank goodness for Cam Sur. If only I could go there every weekend and unwind... I really wanna learn to wakeboard now!!! I have to!!!

Anyway, I'm lazy to write about it. I'll post pictures.

No more pussy smell!!

2007-04-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

After days of agony of having my sister's cat live in her room (we share a common bathroom so her cat can easily enter our room), Dylan's back on the den. Haha.. I've been pissed for days. I mean, I'm fine if they want him in her room. It's ther stinkin' cat!!! But they don't take care of it. They haven't groomed him for weeks and they haven't cleaned up his litterbox as well.. i mean..it really did stink in there. Hairball everywhere. It was gross.. Thank god I didn't get an asthma attack. This morning, I threatened Ate Erin that if she won't take her cat out, or clean its mess...I will throw Dylan out. I dunno where but I'll do everything in my power so it'll get lost. I'm not plannning to kill him of course (hellO! I had a cat!)...well..it was really just a threat..and it worked! YEY!!!!!

I miss the beach!

2007-04-14T20:12:00.000+08:00

I miss going to the beach.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to Donsol. Now, THAT's an experience I'll never forget. I think sometimes people forget how beautiful this country is. Kids now just go to Bora and I really don't appreciate them throwing up on the beach (wow..I just referred to these people as "kids"). Many people are aware that Donsol is the whale shark capital of the Philippines, but there's more to see in Donsol. The 12 hour bus ride from Manila to Legazpi was excruciating...it was really, really long. But at least we got to appreciate Mayon Volcano. And then we had to rent a van to take us on a 2-hour road trip to Donsol, which happens to be the hometown of our driver, Kuya Colin! Of course, we stayed on a budget inn. But it was okay. It was a decent place that served good food, had airconditioning and the bath room was clean. We went on a hike and we got to see egrets. We saw around a thousand white birds flock to this beautiful swamp..place. Hehe. The pictures we got don't do justice to the place at all because it was beautiful. At night, we went to see fireflies. We took a 30-minute boat ride to the place where the fireflies were partying. It was pretty!!! And then of course, the highlight of the whole trip was when we swam with the big, big butandings, all 15 of them. Thank goodness for those wonderful fins I bought, I was able to really swim with those wonderful creatures. And yes, I touched the biggest one. I couldn't help it!!! It was soooo close. As in super! I'd wanna do that again.

It's summer and I've only gone to the sea once. Next week, we're going to CamSur!!! Yey wakeboarding! For weeks now, I've been thinking of going to the beach and bum. It'd be great to be a beach bum even for a few days..or..fine..1 weekend. I wish I have a yacht and I could just go anywhere I like anytime. Hayyyy...

I can't wait for the CDO trip with my girlfriends..it'll be in October.. OCTOBER!!! That's soooo far away!!!

For now, I'll just imagine I'm Jessica Alba in Into the Blue, or that blonde girl in Blue Crush. Wahhhhhhhhh... I feel so deprived!!!

Updates, Updates!

2007-04-13T22:39:00.000+08:00

On Work Matters:

Work is stressful as usual, but I'm getting used to it. It's just crazy when the client's up your ass all the time. I'm enjoying my officemates. When my boss eats out with us, she charges it to the company which is super! Hahaha!

On Money Matters:

I'm counting every centavo. I'm trying to save save save. I think I shall "invest." And so I have to talk to Tita Norma, probably tomorrow. Goal is to earn my first million before I'm 30. No game plan yet..

On Family Matters:

I'm pissed that Ate Erin gets to take the car all the time and I have to take the shuttle. She has a higher salary and she doesn't spend for toll and gas. Unfair. Her car was sold. That was supposed to be mine. And she walks around the house and announces "Kailangan ko ung koche," like WE have to adjust to HER needs. She doesn't have a care in the world. As long as she's okay, she doesn't care.

On Girlfriend Matters:

I was irritated last Monday that I did everything for that day in The Palms. Drove to Ortigas to pick them up (they were late, take note), brought them to The Palms, for what supposedly was a relaxing day, and even if they could've brought a car, I still went all the way back to Ortigas. It was all on me..well they chipped in for gas, but that was just enough to cover for that day. I was a taxi driver and events planner. NEVER AGAIN.

On Cell Group Matters:

Funniest thing, I had an epiphany. Meredy (?) led the sharing and she was great. Haha. Enzo says I'm still "mocking," but I'm not. Rolling of the eyes and the sarcastic remarks and tone is typical me. Have to work on that. But yes, I'm not pessimistic anymore. That's why I'll keep coming back (granted that I don't have OT on Wednesdays).

On Being Proactive Matters:

Three different people, on different conversations told me this week: "You need someone more dominant than you, or else, you're just gonna boss him around." Haha. And I've allowed people to actually "pimp" me. Jan found a potential date. It's so funny. Anyway, if you think you wanna date me, tara. Just ask me out. I won't turn you down. (Haha! Online dating? Uhh...doesn't work for me). Aga's actually more excited than I am.

On Other Matters:

I'm sick and tired of people saying that all the people running for office is no good. Just shut up already!!! Everyone's corrupt, everyone's a self-centered bastard. Yeah, yeah.. We've all heard that before. Voting is a right, y'all better maxmize it and make decisions that you think is right, and not vote for people because they're cute (I know a lot of people voting for Chiz because he's cute?!), or because other people tell you to do so. Make an informed choice. Research dammit! Effort naman jan! But most of all, don't just rely on these public officials to make everything go away. You just gotta do your own thing and contribute to the society. Okay?!

Summer 2007

2007-04-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

Summer's here! Finally. As usual, I'm in my worst shape. I've been eating too much and not burning calories. It's weird that II work out a lot during rainy season, when I won't be in the beach in my bikini. Haha!

Holy Week and Spending My Own Money

It's a little strange that this year's holy week, we stayed home. Usually, we'd go somewhere for vacation. Maybe my parents are getting old. It started last year. For the first time, we did Visita Iglesia. We didn't go to the beach like we used to, but I remember that we went to Palawan last year. This summer, we have yet to go somewhere for vacation as a family. Maybe there aren't any plans because my parents just went to Africa. It's fine. Last week, I had the chance to go swimming with the Butandings with a bunch of Loyola Mountaineers and TriShark. The goddesses are planning to go to Camarines Sur this April as well. Ahh.. the perks of earning my own money. I can do what I want, go where I want...given of course that I can afford it. Nothing beats the free vacations my parents give us. Of course it's fun to go to the beach with my friends and do whatever but we're all on a budget. Going on vacation with my parents is just really comfortable. We get to stay in nice hotels and resorts and we get to eat good food and the great thing about that is I don't get to spend a centavo. Everything's computed now: Fare, Accommodation, Food, everything. But I love it that I'm earning now. I haven't gone on a shopping splurge, and I don't think I ever will...THIS YEAR. Haha! I'm only on my way of getting my first million. Haha!

Where My Money Goes

I've been working for almost 3 months now. My first purchase was the: INCUBUS LIGHT GRENADES album. And then, I threw my birthday party. So *poof!* Money gone. Of course I've my expenses. It's funny how home service massages, haircuts, and tips eat up my money. I just realized that that's really where my money goes. And I think I should really STOP myself from buying Fraps in Starbuck's (it really is addicting!), sandwiches in Oliver's and all the good food in The Enterprise Cafeteria. I've allocation for my commuting expenses of course. Plus, I've expenses when I got out with my friends. I cannot NOT go out, right?! I like good food. I spend to eat good food. Hayy...

WORK WORK WORK

I've been working for this new company for less than a month, and I can't believe I've been sooooo excited and relieved that Holy Week is here. I've been a bum since Thursday morning and I'm so happy that I'm finally not worrying about work stuff, at least not until Tuesday. I've been missing out on my movies and tv shows. This staying at home for holy week is actually working because I get to watch movies! I bought dvd's in powerbooks: Pagdadalaga ni Maximo Olivero, Magnifico. Kuya Nono has a lot of movies in his laptop, and I've watched Take the Lead, Happy Feet. We had The Office marathon. I'm gonna be watching Blood Diamond and Pursuit of Happyness a little later. And the time in between: I was sleeping and / or eating. I've been catching up on my zzz's!!! Har har har. And okay.. I'm trying to work out. I don't wanna look like a bloated Butanding in my bikini. Yeah.. so I guess I'll work out now... after Number One Single. Haha!

PROACTIVE!!!

It's time to be proactive! As Aga and I promised ourselves. I guess it's really time for me to really go out there and get me some hunka hunka lovin'. Haha! Aga and I've had that proactive talk probably a month ago and I haven't been doing anything. Uh-oh. Thing is, I really dunno where to look anymore. School's over. At work? There's really no one there. Bars? Not my thing hooking up in bars. And besides, when I go out, I go out to chill and have fun, not to look for guys. Hayyy... Whatever. I'm watching Number One Single now, and Lisa Loeb is single at 37, and she really wants to have a baby. at 37, single. Hmmmm... Will I ever have that problem? At 37, will I still be single, worrying of whether I'd go to a sperm bank because I wanna have a kid. Arrrrrgggggghhhhhh! Haha.. NO NO NO!

"Dream job."

2007-03-24T10:04:00.000+08:00

I've just started officially working my new job this week. 3rd day on the job and already, I was forced to stay in the office til 9pm. WOW. So okay. I'm working in Enterprise, in the 25th floor, in a world-class company. Workload's heavy, the people are tough and there's so much is expected from me. During the interviews, there's just one thing my bosses wanted to know: can I handle it? I only gave one answer: BRING IT ON. Right now, I really feel like I'm the main character in Devil Wears Prada. I've a job a lot of people would wanna have. The only difference is, I like my job. I feel insecure all the time and most of the time, I'm pretending that I know what I'm doing. Jobs are piling up and I'm expected to deliver results. What I love about it all is that there's a lot of brainstorming going on and we bring it all to life. It's just amazing.

Time. I've always had time in my hands. I had the time to do whatever I want and now, this "dream job," I feel is sucking all the life out of me. I'm always tired, and hungry and all I wanna do is SLEEP. Seriously. And I'm talking like this on the first frikkin weekend after my first frikkin week. I'm not complaining. I knew from the beginning this job is super demanding. I'm just simply saying.

Bald?

2007-03-18T15:54:00.000+08:00

Can I go bald? With my hair situation that seems like a good option. I think I'm not ready yet.. I'll cut it short again and then let's see if I can just shave it all off.

The End is a New Beginning

2007-03-12T18:33:00.000+08:00

I went to the office today to submit my resignation letter and to finalize everything. IT WAS SOOOO HARD!!! Today's Monday so that means all the big bosses will have their weekly meeting. I was late so I was pretty shocked that Ms. Isa was still in the room. I greeted her of course but you can sense everything was awkward. I really can't look at her in the eye or share to her my weekend because I'm nervous. Yes, she understood why I was doing it but it's obviously hard on both of us. Hayyy...

So there I was, preparing everything for a smooth turnover. It was all good. I printed my resignation letter and since no one aside from my bosses know about it in the office, Angie was schocked to see what I was printing(I use her computer to print stuff). Then the inevitable happened. Word started to spread. My officemates started to approach me if what they heard was true and I tried to just keep a simple answer: "Yes." They'd wanna go into detail of course. Is the salary higher, where's the office, what are you going to do, blahhh. It's touching of course that they're all happy for me and even if they don't know all of the details, the knew it was for the better.

Truth is, a lot of the AE's in the office are unhappy. I'm not one of those people. The Senior AE's are already middle aged men and maybe they feel like they're underpaid and their job is so unstable because they haven't reached their quotas yet. They are the unhappy ones actually. I feel sorry for them in a way because I can see it in their faces that they're unhappy and they're doing it because it's the only thing they have right now. It really is difficult to look for a job, especially if you're getting old. Howell.

I'm happy in Hinge. Seriously. I had a great, great start. During my one on one with Ms. Isa, I really couldn't contain my tears! Whattacry baby. Tss.. Well anyway, I wasn't really able to tell her a lot of things because I was sobbing the whole time. She told me she believes in me and that I could do it. The big bosses wanted her to beg me to stay, but she didn't want to hinder my career growth. Ain't she nice?! Haha. Yeah she is. She showed me the works and I really appreciate it. It just really depresses me that I wasn't able to really give back to the company to think that they've given so much to me. Howell.

I was alone in the office. Bob and LJ were out with their clients, I guess. Ms. Isa left for a meeting. I cleaned my desk, placed all the stuff I had to give back on hers. Ms. D gave Sir Jun my resignation letter and asked him to give me my exit clearance. Sir Jun asked me, "Totoo na ba to?" Again, I just said "Yes." Sir Adel, my Heroes supplier came up to me, "I heard a bad rumor..." "Sir, it's not a rumor. It's true." At that point I wasn't looking at anyone. I'm concentating on my clearance form so they won't see how much of an iyakin I am. Bevs told me she'll give it to me so I went back to my empty office. I sat down for a while to check what I might have missed. Nada. Bevs gave me the clearance and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "Goodluck Beh." (Hehe..she's really cute and funny, you'd think she's only in her 20's but she's already a mom and she's in her late 20's). Hayyy... I went down to the Accounting Office aka Harry Potter (it's under the stairs) to have my clearance signed, again, with the questions. Hayyy... It's really understandable I guess. One month on the job and already a resignation? It's boggling, unless everyone knew how unhappy you are. Howell.

I really did look at the room one last time (as in the movies!) and gawwwddd...tears filled my eyes. I had to suck it all up because everyone's gonna see (our office is a frikkin aquarium). I left the office, swiped out and headed to the car. Thank goodness I didn't lose myself!!! I could have been sobbing all the way to the car. Even while driving!!! Tss...

I can't really say it's the end for me in Hinge. I feel like I haven't even started. Bitin. So this new beginning in Arc, I hope I get to really finish it.

It Breaks my Heart!!!

2007-03-11T15:20:00.000+08:00

My supervisor has just replied to my email. I swear, it took so much from me to even read it. There was only one new message in my inbox and that was her in response to my email informing her of my resignation. It has been in my inbox for almost 5 hours and I refused to open it. In fact, I went to the grocery first, had my lunch and stared at it for around 30 minutes. I was scared of what she has to say. I closed my eyes and prayed until I drifted off to my alpha (haha... i just fell asleep). When I snapped back (aka..woke up), I inhaled and then clicked on to the message. I was so nervous to read her message. I have just read the first line: "Hi Edel," and tears started to fill my eyes. Of course, she has nothing but nice things to say. She wishes me the best and she'll prepare the turnover documents tomorrow.

It really breaks my heart to leave Hinge! I'm such a crybaby. I hate it.

I'm IN.

2007-03-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

Okay. I received the call yesterday from Weng, the HR of Leo Burnett. I'm IN. I guess I was THAT good during the interview that they want me. They're fillling up 2 positions and they haven't made their mind yet for the 2nd person. I am their first choice... !!! I'm really happy about this. I mean...it's frikking Leo Burnett!!! Well the guy Leo Burnett is an advertising man who came up with the Marlboro Man and the Pillsburry Doughboy, FYI. So basically, it's a frikking big ad agency who wants ME. Under Leo Burnett, there's StarCom and there's Arc Worldwide. Arc Worldwide is more on below the line advertising and that's where I come in. They were looking for an events person and they stumbled upon my resume. 3 interviews later, I'm in. Unbelievable. I don't know what the Goddess has connspired but here I am in the middle of all this.

A week ago, I thought that maybe I won't accept the job if ever they'd get me. For a few reasons:

1. It's contractual. Since the headquarters is in Chicago, and it's an MNC, they've already reached the number of employees they should have. Hence, they'll only regularize contractual employees when someone resigns, dies, or whatever. That also means I won't be getting any benefits: Health, SSS, etc. Is it really a bad thing? I mean, for me at least. And I just found out that the contract is for 3 months. According to them, if you're cut out for the job, they'll renew the contract. If not, goodbye.

2. I've had a great start in Hinge. My supervisor has given me practically all of the big accounts and I know she trusts me and believes in me that I can do whatever it is that I have to do. I think she also sees something in me. I dunno what exactly but it's just a feeling that she relies on me for the big accounts. I also feel for Hinge because it's in such a difficult position and they're having a hard time keeping their AE's. They've spent so much on me already in terms of training, etc. My compensation is low but I have commissions and benefits.

3. The interviewers made it very clear the job would be stressful and hectic that I won't even have time for a boyfriend. Hah!

But I also thought to myself why I should accept the job:

1. It's frikking Leo Burnett. I know I wouldn't stay and work there forever but if I'm planning on taking up my MBA abroad, working for a company like them is an advantage. So even if it's contractual, I really couldn't care less. Yes, the contract says 3 months but my salary is bigger. Not that I also give much importance to the salart at this point. I'm really after the experience. I feel like if I work there, even for just a month, I'd learn a lot. I've always wanted to work in a prestigious ad agency.

2. I'm young. If they don't renew my contract, at least I've had the opportunity. And besides, I will really work hard so they're renew my contract. I feel like this is an opportunity that won't come my way ever again, so might as well grab it.

3. Hinge is very unstable. My other officemates are also looking for other jobs. And they are senior ae's. I feel so unchallenged. As much as I like the people there, I feel like I'll look for another job in a few months anyway.

Now I don't have a lot of time. Arc wants me on board by March 14. That's on Tuesday? I haven't mentioned it to my bosses. Now it works to my advantage that the HR in HIP is slow that I haven't signed anything yet. I'm not yet a regular employee, although I wouldn't want to leave a bad impression. I've nothing bad to say about the products HIP is offering and I'm more than willing to help them. I feel like I should still give 15 day notice..but again, I've no time. I'll think this over the weekend.......

Decisions, decisions...

2007-03-08T22:33:00.000+08:00

I'll have to think it over the weekend...

____

What if all my hair falls out and it will never grow back? It's a scary thought. 5 bald spots and counting. I'm kinda freaking out but I know I'll be okay. This is where faith comes in, I guess. I am becoming desperate. I am tired of looking for answers. But yesterday's visit to the OB gave me answers. It was dreadful, yes but at least that doctor's giving some answers and offering solutions.

*tired*

I am NOT stressed

2007-03-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

Once again, I'm in and out of the hospital trying desperatley to find out what the hell's wrong with me. Could it be stress that's causing me to have 4 menstrual cycles in less than two months and my hair to fall off?! Hayy.. I don't even wanna talk about what happened to me during my visit with my OB. Urgh.

It's good to know a lot of people have alopecia. Was talking to Sugar and Bry has it, her cousin had it, Zaza's friend's sister had it, KIAN (the PBB guy) had it...it must be the in thing now.

Work is okay. As I've gotten to know the people in Hinge and probably mastering the art of sales in a span of 1 month, I can't believe I am facing a difficult situation. Well..I'm not yet in the decision making process but I really hope I do get to that point. Right now, I'm passing through a really dark tunnel, and I can almost see the light...

It's funny that even my Friendster horoscope has something to say:
Some new information you receive today should not make you change your mind.

Haaaaaayyyy... I want this to be over.

I'm so bored band I came across this...

2007-03-03T15:51:00.000+08:00

DOES YOUR NAME FIT YOU?

Okay.. Let's see...

E - Freaking beautiful
D - Has one of the best personalities ever
E - Freaking beautiful
L - Best smile
Y - Is a freak when it comes to parties
N - Best damn bf/gf anyone could ask for

Hahahahaha! Ahluvit Ahluvit!!! Turns out yeah..I fit my name pretty well. On the words of my gay officemate,"Wagi tayo jan. Ganda ng lola mo!"

_______
A:LOVES TO FLIRT
B:Popular with all types of people.
C: weird
D: Has one of the best personalities
ever
E: Freaking beautiful
F: People wild and crazy adore you.
G: Never let people tell you what to do.
H: Easy to fall in love with
I: LOVES TO LAUGH
J: Freaking Rowdy
K: Really silly.
L: best smile
M: Makes dating fun
N: One of the best damn bf/gf anyone
could ask for
O: Loved by everyone
P: Popular with all types of people.
Q: A hypocrite.
R: Good Gf/Bf
S: the best person anyone could have
T: GREAT kisser
U: Gets hugs
V: Not judgmental
W: Very broad minded.
X: Never let people tell you what to do.
Y: Is a freak when it comes to parties
Z: Lives life for fun
_______

I'm sleepy and bored. It's only 4pm. There's a small party tonight. Yey! But for now.. zzzz!

Happy Birthday to ME

2007-03-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

I'm now 22. Got another surprise! Haha! It's funny. I guess I'm very easy to surprise. Best time to do it? While I'm asleep. Yeah..that'll really surprise me. I was asleep by 10pm. I skipped cell...I guess it wasn't a good idea because I loved my corporate attire yesterday (last week I went there in my PJ's..haha!). It just finishes so late! Howell. So anyway, I was dreaming of Brandon Boyd (for real!), when Zaza just kept making noises! She just came home and kept opening and closing the cabinets. It was irritating. I looked at my cellphone and in big bold letters it said 0059. It was frikkin 1am! I was so irritated I was gonna ask her what the hell took her so long. Then silence. I thought..FINALLY I can go back to sleep. And I did. I think... It was soo weird because I really felt like I was back in my deep sleep. Then I felt that red light in my eyes. Ya know..that light that comes out before the flash in a digicam. Then *FLASH!! I saw Ate Erin holding the camera and then laughed so loud. I was disoriented. I honestly wanted to scream at her: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! NATUTULOG AKO!!! MAAGA PA BUKAS NOH!!! Good thing I didn't!!!

I got up and then my whole family was there with big smiles on their faces. My brother held the video cam, my mom holding up Polly's chocolate cake, my Dad with a huge smile on his face and Zaza somewhere at the back. They were singing the birthday song. I covered myself with my favorite maroon pillow and said "ANG BADUY!!!!" It's really baduy. But sweet. And y'all really got me!!! Haha! I even asked the time.. I thought it was frikkin 5am..turns out it was just 10 minutes after I fell right back to sleep. I blew the candle and I made a wish..actually..I blew the candle WHILE making the wish.. Haha. So after that, we went to the TV room because Mom said there were siomai. Haha! I love siomai. So we ate, and then went back to sleep. It was like Christmas eve. We were all in our PJ's and we were having a feast. It's just too bad though because I wasn't able to eat as much siomai. I was soo full.. But howell.. I love y'all for doing it for me.

Okay...so what else happened today? Hmmm..I brought a really yummy cake in the office I asked mum to buy last night. Everyone greeted me. Gave my bosses slices of the cake and then had lunch with my officemates who really munched the whole thing. It was weird because this guy from the office who is hitting on me kissed me on the forehead in front of everybody!!! And I think my reaction was too obvious because I made THE face. It's THE face that I make when I find something totally gross. Ick. But anyway, he's a nice guy and it's his last day today because he resigned. But still.. Ick!!! Other than that, I really felt good today.

I'm 22. A lot of people greeted me. I feel blessed and loved. Let's see.. how many people remembered me? Aside from the people at work and the one here at home... 39!!! Yey!

Okay..back to work tomorrow.. I really need to work.. and be early because for each minute I'm late, a certain amount in my salary is deducted. And since I'm throwing a small get together... I need money. Haha!

See y'all Sabeerday!

Itch Mah Berdey

2007-02-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

I forgot that my bday is this week. Shiyet. I'm sort of torn on whether I'd have a party or not, then when i texted people and asked them if they're free on Saturday night, they already assumed I have a party although I told them I'm not sure since I only started planning like, 10 minutes ago that I'd have the party and they even told me that even if they have other plans, they'd blow it off and go to my party.

I'm not really in the mood for a party TODAY but I've terrible mood swings so I think I've conditioned myself by Saturday so I'll be ready to get myself wasted that night. It doesn't even matter if only 2 of my friends would go. I've been so consumed with work or "stress" this past few weeks and maybe I really need this break and I deserve it so drowning myself with aclohol even if it's just with 2 other friends sounds really good to me. Hmmm... I texted the usual suspects: my blockmates, my gf's and my cousins.

Shucks. I've totally no idea what to prepare for Saturday. I know there has to have food as in solid food like spaghetti or something. I'm totally fine with just ya know, crackers and then butt loads of beer and hard drinks, but I'd have guests (assuming my friends don't have plans or if ever they do, they'd rather go to the faraway land of Alabang) so I'd have to conisder that. Hmmm... Can my sister and brother possibly sponsor?! C'mown.

On Entertainment News...

2007-02-23T20:57:00.000+08:00

Like the gazillion people who reads Perez Hilton's blog, I got hooked on Britney Spears' psycho week. She shaved her head, got a tattoo, checked into a rehab for the second time only to check out again and then checked in another rehab. I knew that was gonna happen. The moment I saw the pictures of her shaving her head, I knew she was suicidal. Which she is. I learned she tried to kill herself twice during the weekend. Howell. Who knows? Maybe we'll have another headline of the weak, with Britney Spears dead.

I feel sorry for her. She's totally lost it and celeb bloggers like Perez Hilton just makes it worse. I mean, if you've been following his blog like I do, you'd know. And I think he's totally feeling guilty. I really think that he's partly responsible (along with the papparazi, other bloggers) for what happened to Britney. I mean, these people are really offensive. They won't stop and they're provoking people, and they enjoy doing it. The worse the celebrity becomes, the better it is for them because theere's always something new to talk about. When Britney started partying hard, he had pictures on his blogs (of her showing her vajayjay, flirting, drinking and what not). He had big bold negative captions to make fun of the celebs. And now, he's sort of cheering of Britney to go to rehab, and that she'll do well there...tsss..SHADY!!! I guess if Britney does commit suicide, people like Perez would really feel guilty and sort of responsible.

And on local showbiz..James Yap allegedly cheated on Kris Aquino with a girl named HOPE. Not really pretty but not fugly. Well.. everyone knows James is Kris's boytoy and nothing more. I mean, I really don't see how they became a couple...but then again what do I know. Hope could be just an attention whore. Or James Yap isn't as stupid as he looks or sounds. Whatever!!! Haha! I feel sorry for Kris. She's wealthy, spent so much money on plastic surgeries, she's smart.. her only downfall is men...hayy.. you can't have it all I guess.

Reality Check

2007-02-20T20:48:00.000+08:00

So far so good. I'm enjoying my job. Yey! I'm in the history of Hinge Inquirer Publications. I'm the first Account Executive to close a deal within the first week of actually working. YEAH BEHBEH!!! I closed Lacoste, btw. Haha1

I've new girlfriends, I love it. Well not really new. Gi and Sab. They're inseparable and what's great about it is that they keep me grounded. Meeting so many different people at work is fun but these two girls are so like me that I stay true to who I am. Haha! Sab is like me because we're superficial. We love and hate the same things. The only difference is probably our guy preference. She wants play, I want serious. Haha. Gi, looking cute with her nose ring (that makes me want to have mine pierced again!), is also superficial but she's a self proclaimed dork so it's interesting. What I like I guess about us having lunch or dinner out, is that we say whatever we want to say without fear of offending each other.

Just the other day, we were talking about being housewives. Not just any kind, housewives of uber rich people, of course. When we were younger, we were trained to think that as women, we can do anything men can do, even better. So we all aspired to be successful women in our chosen fields. We all imagined ourselves to be ruling the world. But then seeing the lifestyle of the AB housewife, it's really not so bad: doing recreation stuff, getting fit and pretty, shopping and taking care of the kids. It's nowhere near the modern woman we all imagined ourselves to be. We used to look down on housewives, but thing is..NOTHING's WRONG WITH IT. Some women may be ashamed to admit it, but at the end of the day, we all just want to live in a beautiful house, own fashionable clothes, a sexy body, cute kids and a rich, handsome husband! A simple life like that, having coffee with the amigas on any day and traveling the world with your family sounds perfect. No worries about running a company or world domination. We all thought to ourselves: Why are we even working so hard now? Why don't we just go look for a rich man to seduce?

Haha! Sometimes, people imagine so many things that it's not even possible. Once in a while, we need to check in with reality. Just now, I'm thinking about being the AB housewife and my goals of world domination. And I remember Meredith Grey's mum. She's the best surgeon there was but didn't have the time to fight hard enough for her love life. And her reason? She didn't fight hard enough... Hmmm..doesn't fate play a role as well? Fate, destiny, or God? Sure, I mean some things are just not meant to be, right?

Let's take for example indie bands...

Some bands prefer to stay indie, and not become "sell-outs," or so they claim. These indie bands would prefer to stay unsigned because they say that only the real music lovers get to appreciate their music, which is only a very small percentage of the music listeners. In my perception, there are also groups of people who would choose to listen to indie bands and they do this for superficial reasons: they try to distinguish themselves from other music lovers. My opinion is this: being appreciated by a lot of people doesn't make a band a sell-out. In fact, some indie bands would say they 'prefer' to stay unsigned, but the truth is, no record company would want to get them because they appeal to a very small group, or simply because they're not good. I mean, if you're in show biz, you goal is of course to entertain people, and how would you know if you really are entertaining if the majority cannot appreciate what you're doing? But then you have to question the audience as well. Do they have good taste? But then of course taste is subjective. I mean, just because Boom Tarat appeals to millions of Filipinos, does it mean it's a good song? What about bands like Rivermaya or Bamboo, who cater both to the masa and the sophisticated audience? There are really two sides in everything..

But isn't it that luck plays an important role here? Even if you're talented and you have the "it" factor, if you're unlucky, it won't happen for you. "It's not in your destiny." So when would these bands step down the stage, call it quits, and possibly look for "real" jobs? Same with gold diggers who keep looking for rich men to marry. When would they quit doing that, look for a job and start working to support themselves?

They say God has a way of balancing things. Some people are blessed with material wealth but are miserable. Some people are poor in material things but are happy. Can I possibly rule the world and at the same time have a real life?

I'm just thinking aloud. I may have not made any sense but there. Haha.
_________________________

I don't want to be sick. Whether it's hormonal imbalance, auto-immune disease, whatever!!! I hate it!!! I want this all to end. My doctors can't even explain it. The reason is still unknown and it's literally making my life stressful. I'm not stressed at all. I don't think and stress about it. It's only when my mom would say I've another bald spot that I remember...or when I realize I've my period the for the third time in less than 2 months! SHIT!!!

Heart Burn..

2007-02-18T22:28:00.000+08:00

At long last, it's over! I'm so happy it's over over over!!!

It was one of the most stressful days of my life, but it really is one of the most fulfilling.

First time to organize that big of an event. I wasn't alone of course, but I did mostly everything (yeah..i'm bragging here). Still a lot of things to improve.

Thanks to all who came.

It's Sunday night and my legs still hurt from that night.. hayyy...

____

I wasn't able to go to Tagaytay with my blockmates. I'm so disappointed. This sickness thing that I have is soooooo depressing.

Gotta make time for myself

2007-02-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

I just ate 2 chunks of steak. I can't believe it. I was THAT hungry.

This so-called work is really eating up my time. It starts at 8:30 and ends at 18:30. That means I have to wake up at 6:30 and I'll be home by 20:00. Man. I kept telling myself I'll wake up at 6:00 so I could at least jog, but I can't get myself out of the bed that time. I mean, I'm really tired and it's 22:30, but I'm still awake. I don't want to sleep right after I eat a heavy dinner. Urgh.

This has to stop. I will exercise. I should. I really need it.

I'm losing weight despite my big appetite. It's weird. I need to have another bunch of medical tests. Tsssssss...

iMiss Incubus

2007-02-11T23:19:00.000+08:00

Hayy nako. I'm really disappointed no one gave me Light Grenades for Christmas. I'm itching to buy Light Grenades. I really won't download, under any circumstance the album/unreleased songs from that album. Crazy, yes...but I dunno why I'm torturing myself. I could have just used my credit cards, right? I've bought so many things lately with them actually (but this is in payment of my services for Heart Burn and Mom will find out in due time). I shall wait a few more days and I swear I'll have the album. I won't wait for my birthday. For my birthday, just give me.. WHITE FLUFFY CLOUDS SPECIAL EDITION. Asa pa eh noh!!!

Death is an awfully big adventure.

2007-02-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

Today, watched Peter Pan with Ikay. We had great seats and we really felt the magic of the show. The kids were great, the lost boys and lost girls, the fairies and the pirates. I've always loved Peter Pan and him being the only kid in the world who never grew up. I enjoyed watching it with little boys and girls around. Some were in their costumes and they looked so cute. They were really conatagious. It's exactly how it was in the movie, Finding Neverland. The kids' reactions were so infectious that even the adults were super amazed when Peter Pan was flying and Tinkerbell was spreading her fairy dusts in the air. I would have loved to watch it with my little cousins. I'm sure they would have enoyed it as much as I did.

_________

Last night, I got a text message from Cez. The message was that one of our high school classmates, Ecai is in the hospital in Cavite in a coma because of aneurysm and her parents are already thinking of pulling the plug. It came as a huge shock to me. Ecai was my seatmate and she was one of those girls that everybody loves because she's cute and she has her own little pet peeves: she loves plucking her eyebrows, putting powder on her face and she gets away with the teachers when she doesn't know the answer because she talks like a little girl. When I received the first message, I forwarded it to my high school classmates and it wasn't long before I received the same message from my other classmates. I was honestly thinking that she was going to die and that I'd probably be attending her funeral. It seems like such a bad thing now that I'm thinking about it. I didn't even consider going to the hospital because first, it's in Cavite and 2nd, we have an FE reunion and I haven't seen those people in a really long time.

On my way to CCP, I received a lot of messages about the plan of going to Ecai and visiting her. I really wasn't plan on going but then I realized, my classmates who live far from Cavite, are really going to commute all the way to the hospital just to see her. It also hit me that this may probably the last thing I would do for her. I borrowed the van and Kuya Colin so my classmates would be able to go there and visit her. So I just opted to skip the FE reunion. As always, it was a joy seeing my high school classmates: Nina, Tal, Ida, Gabo, Abby, Karla and Kim. We met up in Mcdo, Pedro Gil and as we waited for all of the girls to arrive, we talked about our lives and Ecai. We were feeling so guilty for having such a good time with each other since the reason for our meeting was to visit Ecai. But I guess, there's nothing wrong with it. We just enjoy each other's company and it's funny that after all these years, we're still the same people. We're no longer in high school and we're facing the real world on our own, but it's such a beautiful thing to see that we're still here for each other not matter what.

Seeing a friend on her death bed wasn't pretty. She was hooked up to the machines that were keeping her alive, and by alive, I meant her heart is still beating. Scientifically speaking, I guess she didn't feel us there. It was just faith that made us believe that she could hear us. We cracked up jokes, mostly the same jokes in high school: we ganged up on Kim. If Ecai could talk, she would do the same thing. We said our prayers and eventhough it was really impossible, we hoped that a miracle would happen and that she would open her eyes. Her parents are really gonna pull the plug tomorrow and let nature run its course. I would do the same, if I'm in their shoes. She's brain dead and even if she wakes up, she would be paralyzed. I would save her and myself the pain and suffering and just end it altogether.

Looking at her, I felt very sad because there are so many things in life she has yet to experience. It's such a waste that a young girl would die so suddenly, when she can offer the world so many things. Her boyfriend of one month was there and I thought to myself, she has just fallen in love, it's so sad that she won't be able to enjoy it more. And then it occurred to me: maybe this is God's plan for her. Maybe her mission here is done and there's more to her in another life. Nobody really knows what lies ahead when you embrace the light in the tunnel. Maybe there's more to all of this than we would ever know and it was her turn already.

Why are we afraid to die? There has to be more to life than all of this. I guess it's just human nature to fear the unkown. Let's just think of it the way Peter Pan does: Death is an awfully big adventure. So wherever Ecky Becky may be, I'm sure she'll face her new adventure the way she always does: armed with her pocket mirror, her comb, tweezers and powder.

Valentime's

2007-02-02T23:45:00.000+08:00

People are starting to talk about Valentine's. Yes. It's that time of year already and as usual, I've no plans for that day. Who knows? I might go on a date with myself again like last year. This time, instead of treating myself to Haiku, maybe I'll go to The Fort or SM MOA to try that Japanese resto with the revolving thingie with unlimited sushi. I'll probably go lunch time but around 2pm so that there won't be a lot of people and I'd totally have all the sushis by myself, and of course the fact that if I go there during peak hours, more people would see I am dateless.

I'm not sure the goddesses would be able to have our yearly Valentine's date this year. We're all busy with jobs (!) and med school for Toni and Abby. Knowing each other, we'd probably find a way, no matter how last minute it would be. I'm not in college anymore so I won't be spending Valentine's with the "Lonely Hearts No More," singing Total Eclipse of the Heart in the tambayan. In the office, I've heard the girls there get gifts from their boyfriends. So there'll be some deliveries in the middle of the day for the girls. Ohh gawwddd.

Let's practice optimism, shall we? Who knows?! Someone might ask me out! Just out of the blue. That would be cute, eh? My first date will be on this year's Valentine's! Haha! Just thinking about it is making me giggle. It's baduy and corny all at the same time. I'd go on my first date with a person who'd decide to take me out this year for Valentine's. Well..if this is the case, I guess I'd just go out with whoever's gonna ask me out! Haha! And..if all else fails (sounds like I have OTHER plans!), and no one asks me out, I'd go to Lovapalooza and when the countdown starts and everyone's just preparing to kiss their partner, I'd be scrambling, looking for a person without anyone to kiss. Girl, boy, old, young, whatever..I'll kiss that person. Sounds like a plan to me!!! I've a plan A, and a plan B. Either way, this year, I'd get to experience my first date or first kiss on Valentine's..

Pfffftttttt!!!

I'd just skip work and sleep through it. I won't even bother turning on the tv or radio.. I'll sleep all day and wake up the next day as if it never happened.

"work"

2007-01-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

All this bumming shall come to an end really soon and I shall miss it. Thing is, I realized, I really have to get back in shape. Just gotta get motivated again..and I think I am! It's just this cold weather that's making it difficult to wake up in the morning!!! I shall go back to my daily ritual of waking up at 5am and then do that 1 hour jog, shower and then off to work! Hehe.. I CAN DO THIS! C'mon behbeh! Besides, summer's coming up and I can't wait to go to the beach. I want my tan back. I look so pale now, it really seems like I'm sick.

So work eh? Can I survive this sales job that I got myself into? This should all work out just fine. It's part of "the plan."

Ohmygoshhhh

2007-01-25T10:49:00.000+08:00

I've been in and out of the hospital for days. I'll get the results tomorrow and I'm expecting the worst.

___________

Anyhooo, the Golden Globes are over and the Oscars is coming, then there's the Critic's Choice..there's al lot of movies I haven't seen yet!!! So here are some of the movies I wanna see (there's a few more but these are the ones I remember):

1. Little Miss Sunshine
2. Babel
3. Blood Diamond
4. The Queen
5. Notes on a Scandal
6. Night at the Museum
7. Flags of our Fathers
8. Letters from Iwo Jima

Well...I'll limit it to 8 first..haha..

___________

On tennis news, Nadal got kicked out by Gonzales in just 3 sets!!! Roddick will be facing Federer, Haas will face Gonzales..I think. On women's tennis..Serena, Sharapova and Clijsters (who beat my idol, Martina!) are moving on...blah blah.

___________

Yey..Conan's on. Ahluvit!

Family Business

2007-01-21T23:13:00.000+08:00

I really don't like mixing family and business. I've been trying to avoid it for so long but now, I guess I'm facing the inevitable.

I'm standing in for my mom for her fundraising project. I know she's doing it with the best intentions. My Dad and Mom are really active in their favorite charities/foundations. I mean, my Dad has just been replaced to lead the XVD Association and although the members really didn't want another president, my Dad sort of gave up because he was handling too many things already. Now my Mom, being the wife also took on a huge role. They've done a lot of fundraisings before and it's amazing to me how they make time for it. I mean, they're loaded with work and they still manage to organize events like that. Even when we were younger, they were active in the PTA/Family Council both in Ateneo and in STC. They both became the president of the STC Family Council. So now that I'm standing in for my mom, it's really, really, really difficult. I understand that I'm working with older people here, and I'm also carrying my parents' name and good reputation. I mean, I can't just bitch around and order these people to do what I need them to do. The tables have turned and in fact, I'm at the bottom of the food chain. These old men are ordering me to do what they need to be doing. It's like they finally found a slave whom they can order around. Originally, I was going to get the bands for a cheaper cost, haggle with the supplier, help in getting sponsors and make sure that all of those things are taken care of. Now, my parents go to Japan for a business trip/ vacation, and my mom leaves everything to me. And I mean everything. So I attend all these meetings with the XVD's and XVDa's and explain to them what needs to be done and ask for their help. Instead of getting help, they're just telling me all the frikkin duties I have to do:

1. Get barangay permit. They're telling me that unwanted visitors can easily climb up at the back of the church, and we need the help of the barangay, also to inform the residents nearby that we're having an event. (Okay, that's pretty simple).

2. Get sponsors. Since I'm a Marketing Management graduate from La Salle, it's like I'm required to at least know this. I'm totally fine with this, but these men know the people in the business already, I mean how simple is it to ask help from a friend?! Worse, these old men are telling me I should get companies like Coke, Pepsi, San Miguel. Uhh yes, I know that. But can't you at least help me with this? I mean, we're running out of time here. You're all hotshots and you have all the connections! I hear you talk about it all the time! These companies aren't gonna talk to a certain Edel Sarmiento from XVD Association (I'm the KID of the member..I'm not even a member!), they don't know that the hell it is. I only have a vague idea of what it is and I'm not even fit to represent this organization. Now, I'm totally begging people to support this fundraising I'm really not even concerned about. The SVD brothers may have had a huge impact on my parents, but not to me, really.

3. Take care of security. WHAT?! All I know about securing the place is that I need bouncers and security guards. I know nothing about how many security guards I need when 2,000 people are going to attend this rock concert. They're even asking me to make a frikkin map on how the flow of the people should be. Where to enter, where to exit, where the bands would enter, where they would park, how they would enter and how they would park... HAH?!

4. Take care of the ingress and egress. Okay. I just know that's in and out. They're telling me how everything should come in and how everything should come out. I should even know who will clean the mess after the concert. This is totally stressing me right now!!!

On top of all this, I can't just say to them:

AKO PO EH NAG-SSTAND IN LANG KAY MOMMY. DI KO PO ITO PROJECT. ANG ALAM KO LANG PO EH KUKUHA AKO NG BANDS, AAYUSIN ANG SUPPLIERS AND TUTULONG SA PAGKUHA NG SPONSORS. TUTULONG PO SA PAGKUHA PERO HINDI PO AKO KUKUHA NG LAHAT SPONSORS, HINDI AKO ANG BAHALA SA SECURITY, AT HINDI KO LILINISIN ANG COVERED COURTS AT TENNIS COURTS PAGKATAPOS NG CONCERT. BABAYARAN NIYO PO BA AKO PARA GAWIN ANG LAHAT NG YAN? KAKAKUHA LANG PO SA AKEN SA TRABAHO. INIISIP KO KUNG MAKAKASTART AKO AGAD, MAS OKAY PERO DAHIL TINUTULUNGAN KO PO KAYO, SA SUSUNOD NA BUWAN NA PO AKO MAGSISIMULA. NAG-EEVENTS NAMAN PO AKO. PERO BEGINNER PA LANG AKO. NEVER PA AKO NAGHANDLE NG EVENT NA ANG TINATARGET NA ATTENDEES AY 3,000. AYOKO NAMANG MASIRA ANG FUNDRAISING NA ITO DAHIL AMATEUR ANG NAG-AYOS. SISIHIN NIYO PA AKO. DI BA? TULONG LANG AKO. HINDI KO DAPAT GAWEN LAHAT YAN. PROJECT NIYO YAN EH.

Oh and yeah, I need to sell tickets, too. I have to do all of that in less than a month. And on February, I have to start work.

Amdist all this, I have to maintain poise, and decency. Whatever whatever whatever.

____________________________________

Then last night, went to STC for what supposedly was a quick business talk with Tita Gelli because I need concessionaires for the XVD fundraising. I also went there cos there was a concert and I got to go for free since my sisters are selling barbecue. They didn't plan the whole thing well and there was a lot of last minute things to do. I wasn't part of it so I really don't know why or how what happened happened. Abby, Jan's sister was also there like me for the concert. People started to come in and I saw that they really needed help. I ended up selling barbecues, hotdogs and bottled water. We sold a lot to a lot of people, no doubt. I was kidding them that they should pay me for my labor because they would literally die out there without me and Abby selling the barbecue, giving change, and all that jazzz. But since they didn't plan it well, didn't communicate with each other or whatever, it was all a waste of time. What really pissed me off though was my sister was an ungrateful bitch. That's actually the main reason I didn't join their business. I knew from the start it would be disastrous blaming each other for the failure or whatever. Money of course would be an issue because someone would shell out money and the other who didn't won't really get to say anything about anything, the ate is still the ate, blah blah, blah.

That's also why as much as possible, I avoid doing business with my family. Well of course, as of now, my siblings and I haven't reached that maturity yet, and I'm not very sure we ever will. I mean, there are a lot of family businesses out there that are successful. Maybe it also comes with experience, and we don't have that yet. Time can only tell. But for now, I'm not engaging in any family business.
__________________________________

Over dinner the other day, he made predictions of what he thinks we're all gonna be in the future. He had a lot to say about everybody else but me. Hu hu...middle child syndrome again? Well, not really. He said I was floating and that I should be realistic with my dreams. Okay.. given that he didn't crush my dreams, I'm mostly disappointed he doesn't know me, or maybe he doesn't listen to me. I was affected a little bit by his comments but he just don't see it. He thinks I should still look for another job. I also have no idea if he's totally lost his faith in me but there's a reason why I applied for a publications company. Maybe it's even a sign that the hiring for that job I applied for, for that apparel company was postponed. I mean, the HR expressed that the company was already planning to get me. I've declared a couple of times of what my plans are for the future. I mean, I know that they're depending on me and on the rest of my siblings, to someday manage the family businesses and somehow takeover what they've worked hard for. They wouldn't want to leave it to just somebody. So even if you think I don't have a plan, there's a reason for all this.

ME?! COMMUTE?!?!?!?! WAAAAHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

2007-01-19T23:16:00.000+08:00

What's keeping me from taking the job?!

I HAVE TO COMMUTE!!! Waaaaahhhh... Okay, this is embarrassing. I know how to commute from STC to my Lola's house in Ubay and from La Salle to my Lola's house in Ubay, from La Salle to ATC..actually I'm not sure about that.. Wah!!!

The interviewer asked me, "Oh you're from Ayala Alabang. Do you know how to commute?"

"A little."

"Di ka takot magbus, magjeep, magtrike?"

"Hindi po! Pero depende po sa bus."

Then once she told me I'm hired (though I still have to take the medical exam), she told the girl who's gonna be directly above me, "Oh. Taga Ayala Alabang yan! Turuan mo mag commute at bigyan mo ng mapa." And she said it so loudly that the whole office could hear.

"Madali naman po matutunan un eh..hehe!" (WITH THE HEHEHEHEHEHE?!)

Waaaahhhh...

So what's my problem with commuting?! I dunno why but I sweat a lot and I feel hot easily. Less than a minute under the sun, beads of sweat start to form on my forehead. And that's just by standing still! Imagine if I walk?! I'd be soaked. How can I present to clients with me looking like basang sisiw with jabar and all that?!

Another thing, I'm terrible at directions!!! I'd have to do it 5 times before I remember it correctly.

Okay..I'm superficial. I'm already thinking of buying a good pair of shoes. I'm thinking sneakers that really look good with corporate attire. I saw a lot of corporate people wearing those in Chicago. Hehe!

I'm finding this pretty funny actually. For years, I've always avoided commuting and now, it's like I'm required to know how to commute for my first job. It's like a slap on the face. Hahahahahaha!! WAPAK!!!

I'm thinking, this is a good thing! It's just hilarious. I'm already imagining myself lost in the streets of Makati, all sweaty and on the verge of crying. HINDI NAMAN!!! Exagg ah. Exagg talaga!

Well.. I can choose to take the car. But it's really not practical. Gas and parking would kill me..

Hayy.. Welcome to the real world, biatch. It's gonna eat you alive.

IF this is true, something must be wrong with MOI.

2007-01-18T23:51:00.000+08:00

Once again, I'm killing time by reading LJsecrets. I've read a lot of messages like this in LJsecrets. I really get offended!!!

I'm turning 22 in a few weeks. So what if you're 16 and you've never had a frikkin boyfriend?!?!?!?

Haha..okay.. I felt this way too, duh. There are a lot of times my friends and I talk about this. Could there be something wrong with us?! We're beautiful..okay..fine..there's a million girls wayyyy prettier than us, but hey, we're not that bad, we're not stupid either. I'm a good catch, actually (hahaha!!!). After years of thinking..I finally know why. It's not that something's wrong with me...

Guys just don't have the balls to ask me out.

But then again.. according to Zaza's book, "He's Just Not That Into You," if a guy really is into you, no matter how intimidating you may appear to be, he'll still find a way to ask you out.

That's why I hate that book! All of the excuses and reasons you could think of on why you're single is there. "He's just not that into you if he won't have sex with you." OOOKKAAAYYY! I stopped reading by the time it got to the sex part. Actually, I closed the book by the time it got to the kissing part. Hahahahaha!!! I really find my situation funny (well maybe in a few years, I won't).

I've always said to myself I'm a modern woman of the world and I can ask a guy out. Truth is? I can't do it. There's ONE guy who really tempted me to do it, but I didn't, and he never asked me out, too. Shady!!!

My friends told me I should go to the Europe and stay there for 2 months. By that time, someone must have gone crazy over my exotic look. HAHAHAHA!

Standards daw. Maybe my standards are too high. Tss.. I don't even care how a guy would look anymore (well he's gotta look at least presentable and pleasing to the eyes..haha). And he has to be smart and funny. I look at my parents and I'm actually fine with a guy who's willing to argue with me all the time. I mean arguing and debating is different from fighting. I'm also not looking for a filthy rich dude. As long as he's hardworking and he has goals diba (but if there's another Manny Pacquiao out there...hahahaha!!).

And I'm not high maintenance, excuse me. I'm just sensitive and allergic to a lot of things (this is supported by my doctor!). I'm all for healthy living so I avoid fast food and I can't just drink tap water... HAHAHAHA!!

Whattabunch of bull!!

NOTHING's WRONG WITH ME!!! Haha!

I wish for Neverland

2007-01-18T00:34:00.000+08:00

Can anyone take me to Neverland???

I won't stay there very long. A day is enough. I just want to be a kid a again.

Whoever can take me to Neverland has a prize!!!

The prize?!

Whatever you want. :)
__________________

I've never heard The Sound of Music played in a piano in such a sad mood. I like it though.

_________________

I'm sooo busy busy busy busy busy busy busy busy this week. I kinda love it but I feel like my body's having a hard time adjusting. Tsss...

I am sleepy but i am still up

2007-01-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

I had an 8am test in QC today. Living in Alabang, that meant I had to wake up really early. 530am. Dang. Haven't done that in years. The exam was long and there were difficult parts it gave me a headache. I was soo sleepy all day today. Slept in my Mom's office in a really uncomfortable position in the couch. Then slept the whole ride from QC to the Japanese Embassy to the house. Then I'd doze off while watching TV, right after eating. And now.. it's frikking 22:42, I have a terrible headache. I was about to sleep. Ted called me so we can arrange the fundraising event.

COMMERCIAL: Hey y'all! Support my parents' fundraising event on Feb. 16, 2007 at the Christ the King Seminary covered courts. Narda, Silent Sanctuary, Itchyworms, Sugarfree, Hale and Sandwich are playing!

So anyway, instead of sleeping early, I had a long conversation with the Teddy Burrr. Hayyy...soo I feel like there's a lot of things I should think about that I can't get myself to sleep. My eyes are sore, too.

Lolo and Lola are here. Tomorrow, Dad's having yet another party. Wow. I wish I can have 3 celebrations on my birthday. So anyway, tomorrow's another PTF gathering. Something to look forward to. As I've said a million times, ahluv the company of my crazy cousins. There'll be tons of pictures to take and memories to make.

Lola and I talked over merrienda. (I had Lucky Me Pancit Canton, which my mom bans in this house along with canned goods). She told me that she went to a manghuhula priest of some sort. Turns out she goes to that person all the time and maybe it's accurate. So anyway, she wanted to know who stole my cellphone. She gave my name, when the incident happened and the time it happened (6-8am). I dunno how it happened or how that guy did it. Lola explained that he was just playing with numbers. She also gave the names of the househelp. She didn't ask for the name but the priest told her "ung pinakamalapit sa kanila." Wow. Who else could it be but Ate Merlyn. But Lola shared to me that she thinks Ate Merlyn could have stolen her brand new towels a few months ago. I mean, I don't necessarily believe Lola and her manghuhula but I was also thinking that maybe she did it.

The day after I had my cellphone blocked, Ate Merlyn asked me casually.

"Edel, Globe ka noh?"
"Oo." (I was not over yet at this time. I wasn't in the mood to talk).
"Naka-lock ba yun?"
"Oo."
"So hindi na magagamit yun ng Smart?"
"Hindi. Chaka di na ren yun magagamit. Napalock ko na yun eh."
"Ahh talaga?"
"Yup."

I just stayed where I was. I can't believe she just asked me those questions. I got really suspicious. Or maybe she just wants to know?!

Well at least now I can use this Nokia Speaking Clock phone. It's still kinda hard to use it but at least. Ate Erin promised me she'd give me her Motorola Razr though once Dad gives her his Blackberry. Yey.

_______________________

I shall drown myself with my rockstar lovers... (okay..these songs are really gasgas, but to me, they'll never be gasgas). Any of these songs could be my wedding song (uhh...can somebody just get me a groom first? Preferrably as hot these guys).

I'm listening to Coldplay (Parachutes, A Rush of Blood to the Head and X&Y). I love Coldplay. I can listen to The Scientist forever and I'll get kilig everytime. I always remember that final scene in Wicker Park when they reunite for the first time in years. It never fails to make me cry. "Nobody said it was eeeeezzzzaaaay!" And when it gets to the "awoo" part, I close my eyes and sing with Chris Martin.

I miss Brandon Boyd. (This morning while waiting for the test, my iPod was on shuffle mode and Southern Girl played. I found myself smiling because of Brandon Boyd's voice. I still don't have their new album, Light Grenades (I'm still hoping someone would give it to me...Valentine's? Hah!). But anyway.. *okay I'll change the song to Southern Girl* What I love about his voice in this song is when he shifts to falsetto when he sings "You're an excepTION to the rule..", and then there's this line "We could do anything that turns you up and sets you free." Hayyyy...

Now tht Mr. Boyd's done, I shall listen to Aqualung's Brigher Than Sunshine. "Let the rain fall, I don't care. I'm yours and suddenly you're mine." Wow. Cute. And if you haven't seen the video, you gotta see it. As in the one with the girl and the guy just holding each other. I love this also because I remember a scene from a movie. A Lot Like Love. This is when they took a picture of themselves naked under the moonlight, and then when Ashton said to Amanda Peet, "Don't..you'll ruin it." Hayyy... And again, there's something about men using their falsetto voice. Ahluvit..

These are the songs I'll take with me when I'll be trapped in an island. Addition to these are: May Angels Lead You In by Jimmy Eatworld, Angel by Augustana (just fell in love with this one). Then I'll add Alanis Morisette's Hands Clean and Everything. She's my rockstar lesbo lover. Haha. Hayyy..there are tons of songs out there really but my mood right now really calls for these songs. It's not heavy, it's not too light that would make u wanna sleep...it puts me in such a high whichever mood I am in.

Okay..since it's already 23:26, I think I shall sleep. The Dandy Warhols' Sleep really puts me to sleep. That "aaahhh" part really does it for me. I'm off. I'll put some Lavander sleep enhancer on my temples and tomorrow's another day.

Good night.

I'm Back

2007-01-11T01:56:00.000+08:00

I'm back to my happy self. The reason?! Apple's iPhone!!! Haha. It was the first thing I saw today when I turned on my laptop. iWant one! It's not available yet in the Philippines, but soon... Haha.. Babaw.

Seriously, I think getting out of the house and doing something productive really got my spirits up. I went to a job interview that went really well. I'm not sure if I want to take the job though. Account Executive for Hinge Inquirer Publications. It's a basically a sales job. I'll talk to a bunch of prospective clients and persuade them to place advertisements on the magazines of HIP. The compensation isn't that bad. There's the monthly salary plus the comissions from the sales. It's okay. The people there are young and in fact, I saw Gi!!

Gi!!! Sab's friend, Gi! Haha.. She has a nose ring now. It lookgs good on her. And okay (I'll have my "feeling" moment here!), she was inspired to ger her nose pierced because of me. HAHA! Awww...I miss my nose ring...

Okay..back to the jobhunting...Right now, I just wanna get started. I don't wanna bum anymore and I think I've done enough of that. My goal was to have a job by January, and I think it's a job fit for me. But maybe I'll have to wait a little more. I'm almost there, but not quite. :)

Met up with the cell group today. I was kinda looking forward to it because they were really into their fasting. Galeng. They really did it! They're probably dreaming of food by now because tomorrow they'll break it. I mean, everytime Zach and I chat online, I'd really rub it in and tell him what I had for lunch and dinner just to tempt him and see if gives in. Worse, yesterday, for dinner, Mom and I had Brother's Burger and I was really the evil sister tempting Zaza to eat. I've been tempting her for days but she didn't bulge. ME?! Five hours without food would kill me. Food fasting is something I'd never be able to do. I'd rather fast on...watching TV? Riiiiiigggggghhhhhttttt!

So anyway, went to David's house for the cell meeting. I was the first one there. I thought they'd all be there since they had their prayer meeting in The Fort. I entered the house and I met Mr. and Mrs. Bonifacio. The mom's really pretty and very nice (no David, I'm not saying it because I know you read my blog...haha!). And there were new faces in the cell group today. Eoo and Kat were there and... Ohhhh crap! I forgot their names!!! Wait..Cat (ahluv her hair!) was with Bea (?!?). And then there was this guy Mark and then Becky and Carmen's BFF... Wahhh...I forgot! (I'll try to remember her name..it's my New Year's resolution!!!). And coincidentally, the topic was about REMEMBERING (and I can't remember the girl's name! hayyyy nakoooo!!!). By the end of the thing, we were asked to pray for each other. Felt good that someone prayed for me. But I felt so weird praying for someone..I didn't know what to say or how to say it in a prayerful way. Haha! (Sorry Becky!) But howell, gotta start somewhere.

We had to leave early because the XVD people planned on surprising Dad for his 50th birthday. They did one on Mom at home, but to change things up, my mom said it'd be better if they do it in my brother's condo in Malayan. The story was that Kuya Nono called Mom because he has LBM, is dehydrated and really feeling weak. It worked. It was a bad joke though. Dad was really worried something happened to Shark. But in the end, it was a good surprise. Hayy nako...so many surprises!!! I know how these things work a, so if ever you're trying to surprise me on my birthday (March 1..ahem ahem! hahaha!), do it well!
_______________________

I'm into reading LJsecrets and postsecrets... I'll just post mine here..Haha! So here it is:

I'm very sensitive when it comes to spelling and grammar. When I read other people's blogs, I look for errors and can't believe how stupid those people are for not knowing how simple they're mistakes are. My secret? I never check mine and I probably have gazillions of them. People who read my blog probably thinks I'm stupid too. In fact, when I read my past entries and see these errors, I think I'm stupid too.

HAHAHA!!! But it's true!!!

I got over it...NOT (yet)!

2007-01-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

Hayy nako. Maybe I've experienced losing my cellphone too many times that I'm already over it. I am now convinced that it was stolen. I don't really want to accuse people here in the house of stealing it, but maybe someone from the helpers did. I woke up today with the loud voice of Kuya Colin outside (our room faces the garage, and the weather is soo lovely, we kept our windows open). It was way too early though and I was way too depressed, so I went back to sleep. A few hours later, I really did wake up. Zaza told me that she heard "nakita na.." from Kuya Colin. I was hoping my phone really popped out of nowhere and that the thief would claim he found it buried in the lawn, but it didn't. So I ate my breakfast and went up still depressed. I went back to bed. The weather was soo cool this morning that it made me go back to sleep. A few minutes later, I got up and took a shower. I won't let that really bad incident bring me down today. I was gonna help Mom with her fundraising event. And I still am, thank goodness. Zaza was nice today for lending me her cellphone a couple of times (maybe it's that book she reads and the fact that she's fasting that's she's nice). So anyway, today just proves that I need to be working by now. I need to be productive and stop thinking about ME all the time.

I'm still mad about the phone, especially now that I am using a Nokia. I got so used to my k750i. I've been using it for over a year. And me, using this Nokia phone is really sad. It's a new model but it has that yellow light and grey letters. I won't hear my favorite-song-for-the-moment when someone texts me. I won't even see that picture of my feet in Hong Kong as my screen saver. Hayy...i'm missing my phone already. :(

Okay..so maybe I'm still not over it. But whoever that son of a bitch who stole my phone won't be able to use it now..or maybe in a few hours. I had it blocked. ROT IN HELL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

I still have my number though.

Friends, don't erase my number. It's only temporarily disconnected. I'll buy a new sim tomorrow and on Thursday, you'll be able to text me and share me text jokes. Hayy... iLove text jokes. It really makes my day sometimes.

Possible employers, call me on Thursday or Friday...please? Pretty please? :)

Tsss...

2007-01-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

YOUR REPORT CARD:
Category	Grade
Love	D
Friends and Family	A
Body	B
Mind	A
Finance / Career	B
Your Life's Average Grade: B
'What is your Life Grade?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I've Totally Lost Myself

2007-01-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

I lost my cellphone. AGAIN. I can't help but think it's my fault that it got lost. But the thing is, I just left it here at home, at the kitchen table...if I didn't leave it there, it must be in X-Trail, but it's not. I had an early morning appointment and when I realized I didn't have my cellphone with me, we were in Country Club Drive. I had to be there on time so I thought I'd survive one day without it. Besides, I left it AT HOME. I'm convinced somebody took it. Maybe Lolo and Lola's driver. All the househelpers are also suspects, actually because they are the only people who could have taken it...and I hate that. I don't like to think those people stole it and I don't think they would do something like that. All of them have been here quite a long time. Ate Nita's the newest and she's been here for around 6 months already. I mean, she doesn't have a pleasing personality but I think she won't do something like that.

I'm still hoping the phone is just lost in the house, somewhere we forgot to look. I've called my cell this afternoon and it's OUT OF REACH. Usually when you hear that on a lost phone, it's already stolen and the thief might have turned off the phone. But I'm still hoping it wasn't stolen because my phone's battery is kinda messed up. It shuts off by itself. So I'm trying to think that it turned off by itself and it's still somewhere around here.

The unit itself isn't really important to me. Well it is, I mean, it's a 2.0megapixel camera phone so it's nice and it has a lot of other features that I really enjoy...but I don't really care about those things. I'm more concerned of all my contacts being in there! My friends, long lost friends, new friends.. they're all there!!! Plus, my possible employers will call that number!!! Besides, that phone isn't working properly anymore. I've dropped it so many times....but still...

I can't help but think that this OPTIMISM is not working. I'm still hoping that AAA's HR would call, but she hasn't (and how can she, now that my phone is nowehere in sight!). I'm still hoping, after 16 hours my phone got "stolen," it's only lost. I'm still hoping that the new positive-thinking I'm trying is working, but it doesn't seem to. Maybe it's really just all thinking...or maybe I'm in denial. I'm in denial that I didn't get the job, that I lost my phone or somebody stole it, and I'm in denial that I can't change for the better.

It's too early in the year to feel down. I've tried praying, btw. I thought it would make me feel better but the thing with prayer is you're aware you've prayed and you know you've tried to be good. So you're hoping that somehow God will be good to you, and I still feel like He's punishing me, and showing me who is boss (and I don't like being bossed around! I am my own boss!). I feel like I've totally lost myself. I'm just tired of all these things happening. I'm so tired, I don't even have the energy to cry.

I'm such a brat! I hate it. I hate me.

2007-01-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

I dunno why I react so violently when things don't go my way. I'm such an impatient brat. Hello..I'm not the only person in the house and btw, I do not own this house. It's a lovely place and thanks to my hardworking folks, I get to stay here for free. They've done so much for me and when they aks me to do something like write a letter to PLDT (who really sucks) and show them sample MOA's for their fundraising event, I get totally upset, I get mad. I do what they ask me to do though...it just takes a lot of effort from me. Writing a letter is so easy (and I've written hundreds...all to PLDT!), printing an MOA already saved in my laptop is easier. Tsss... and all of a sudden I feel like I'm their executive assistant, who is on call 24/7. What a crazy, useless bitch I am. No wonder I am sick. Maybe I really deserve this. My disease isn't gonna kill me. It's not communicable either. It's just really bad and I'm ashamed it's happening to me. I'm scared to death but maybe I really, really deserve this.

Not the best way to start the year. I'm still trying to be optimistic here, even if that frikkin company can't schedule my final interview..so here I am again looking for work. I have a test tomorrow. Woo-peeee! Just when I thought my plan was gonna work, I'm back to zero.

Farewell 2006!!!

2006-12-31T21:26:00.000+08:00

This has been a good year for me. It started off good and I'm happy it shall end on a high note.

I accomplished a lot of things this year, I think. I'm looking at my Multiply site and there were really a lot of good times:

1. Sige Productions started 2006 with a gig. It was one weird gig because Rico Puno's homies packed the house and me, along with the bands who played were taken off guard. (Salamin and Severo played that night...I think this was the first time I met those bands).

2. February was a fun month. For the first time ever in my 20 years and 11 months of my life, I went out on a date with myself for Valentine's. Haha! I was actually gonna meet with the New World Hotel person to settle the reservation for Green Evolution and I was in Makati really early. I was there at lunch time, so I took that time to treat myself to Haiku. Haha! But after that, I went back to school and hung out with my girlfriends. We called ourselves, "Lonely Hearts No More.," and we spent that time singing mushy songs in the amphi. Also in February, I went to Bangkok. It's always good to travel. I went shopping and I'm actually wearing my favorite jeans and my custom-made Chucks I bought there.

3. March, of course was my birthday. We went to Antonio's to celebrate but 3 days after, March 4, was my first big event: Green Evolution. Pulling off this event was really stressful, but it was well worth all that pain and tears. I'm really thankful to the Green Evo team and to JEMA for making that event successful. Another 4 days after was Therine's birthday, March 8. We haven't seen her for a long time and I guess we did something right this year that she invited us to her birthday dinner. I missed Teng a lot. And then on March 31, 2006, it was my Lola's birthday. I had an invite to partee but I guess due to circumstance I had to pass, which was goo because I stayed clean all year this year. I realized, with PTF, who needs drugs? We're always high.

4. April... HAHAHAHA!!! I really have to give props to Jan on this one. My first advertisement, which btw, should have only been a print ad, not a TV ad... dang! I invited my girlfriends to attend the launch of Freshcapades (which is my favorite toothpaste, seriously...all three flavors are good...and we just ran out..enge pa Jan!). This was just the start of my showbiz career, actually. Because a few days after, we went to Palawan and the Sarmiento Family + Tricia - Ate Erin appeared inn Living Asia. Hahahahaha! Our Palawan adventure, I gotta say was the best trip I had this year.

5. Merry month of May. This was a milestone for me! I had my first sleepover at Abby's house!!! She had her birthday party. I met a couple of her friends and we got drunk. We spent the whole night singing. It was already 3am and Abby and Ida and I were still singing, it was funny. This month, we had our batch reunion. Well with this one, I'm not really very happy with this. I just won't talk about why. I'm happy though, because I saw my batchmates and the iv2 girls I've been missing for a long, long time. What else...Ohh yeah. Eona's first photo exhibit! Another PTF happening. Zaza, Ikay and I hosted her party. We all looked lovely that night, especially Eona, who, I am very glad had the chance to show off her talent. I'm so proud of her. It's also this month when I got my iBook!!! Haha. Finally, I've my own laptop and I could do whatever I want, like blog at this time and post all the pictures I want. Haha! What else...Oh yeah..Therine's despidida. I cried when I left her party. I mean, eventhough we're not as close as we used to, I really loved her. It's just sad though that she doesn't write to me (and to the other girls). I sent her a few YM's but she never replied. Howell. Towards the end of this month, I started my OJT.

6. June. Nako po!!! This is the start of the dark ages for this year. OJT/Thesis term was such a drag but I had my boys: Adrian, Rocky and Pats so it wasn't that bad. We had a lot of good times, too. We met our boss, Marianne who became a really, really good friend. In the office, when we're doing our paper, she would invite us to join her for lunch, which was really cool because she knew all the good places to eat in Makati. For a few days, I actually knew how it felt to be working in an office. Haha! We weren't really busy at this time because we were just starting so I had the chance to go out with my bum friends: Ida and Marga. Occasionally, Abby would join us, but then she had med school so for the rest of the year since after med school started, it was always the three of us. This was also the start of my Grey's Anatomy addiction. When me and the boys were bored, we'd watch Grey's Anatomy. This was the time I started to dream of McDreamy!!! Oh yeah..I still had the time to go out with my blockmates. We threw Ted, Rina, Jenx and Dianne a party in Corik's. Sige Prod was still kinda active this month. My showbiz career was also still active this month. Haha! There was a second Freshcapades launch.

7. When July came, my promising showbiz career ended. It was time for me to take my OJT/Thesis seriously. Haha! We still had that Grey's Anatomy marathons, but I think it was July, when I almost lost my mind. We were always in Rocky's dorm doing the paper. I would leave his dorm, with ME smelling like his dorm. It was weird. I was always on the verge of shouting at all of them, but thank goodness, those boys were really funny and patient. Being the only girl in the group, I had the upper hand, and they knew how I was. I was a bitch and I really showed them how bitch I can be. Haha. But at the end of the day, we know it's all for our paper and we're all cool about it. We laugh at ourselves, the next day. It was also in July when the PTF saw each other every week. We were all practicing for Lolo and Lola's Golden Anniversary. We started to hate and love Benjie for that ridiculous voicing in Seasons of Love. Haha!

8. August came, finally. This was a really hectic month for me. Finished my thesis and then defended it. My thesis was a really big disappointment but at the same time a huge relief. When the deadline came, I really didn't care anymore about the grade. I was just tired and I wanted it to be over. It's amazing though that when the panel told us we passed, I literally cried. it was embarrassing, but whatever. I felt so happy because for the first time ever in my life, I didn't worry about anything. I remember the ride home. I was alone in the car and I didn't have a care in the world. A few hours after, however, I felt bad because our grade was really...well... bad! But thank goodness for PTF! Tito Emi and Family and Tita Babet and Estefano came to the Philippines for Lolo and Lola's Golden Anniversary. Great timing, really to take my mind off everything. We practiced for a week because the anniv was just one week away. We saw each other and our practices were really, really fun. It all became even better when we went to Villasis. PTF bonding to the max. It was just lovely. When we got back in Manila, another PTF happening because Sharkee's condo was blessed and the PTF had a party. Angelo introduced card games: Speed and ERS (and we know what ERS stands for, right? It's the EDEL R. SARMIENTO game, Angelo already left and no one beat me). It was such a PTF-filled month. I missed those days.

9. September was when the PTF US division left, but before they did, we made sure we had one last PTF happening. We went to Westgrove for a day filled with sports. Haha. I had a blast that day. Too bad that the US division had to leave. Ohwell. It was the end of the PTF happenings for a while. This was when I started my bum life. No more guests to entertain, no more school stuff...so I bummed, and bummed, and bummed. I enjoyed it, actually. It was good to be worry-free 24/7. I knew I wouldn't have as much time in my hands in the future, so I took advantage of it. Once in a while, I'd go to Marga's and Ida would also be there and we would just hang. This was the time when my parents started to notice whatta useless piece of shit I was beginning to be and it pissed the hell out of me, too. Haha. The beginning of my rants. But thank goodness for Ther. She had a party in Temple and all the girls were there. This was a good month for that party because this was the term my college friends would be busy with their own thesis/ojt and since then, I haven't seen most of them. Oh yeah..the three bums (Ida, Marga and me), went to Camp Cali to help out with the teambuilding of UST students. It was fun because I got to meet new people and I was out of the house, out of my parents' sight and I earned a couple of bucks for 3 days of fun and vacation. I scarred my leg though. Ida and I wanted to do the "cannon ball" dive when my leg just dug a hole on the frikking pontoon.

10. October was my graduation month. Yey!!! A lot of things happen during this month, but I'm too embarrassed to tell them. Only my barkada knows what my drama was. It's pathetic, really. Hahaha!!! So anyway, for our graduation gifts (Zaza and I graduated the same month), we went to Hong Kong!!! Shopping galore!!! When we got home, Zaza and I bummed for days. I started to submit resumes online. The three bums started to "look" for jobs together. I'm beginning to hate my parents more and more for nagging me about everything. I started to get bored so I stepped back on the treadmill and did pilates again, to no avail. I was just sooo damn bored. I began feeling empty inside + my parents were really irritating.

11. November. Threw Mom her Golden party here at home. It involved blood and sweat, literally. But it was okay. She didn't appreciate it though, but it's okay. November had to be my lowest point this year. There were a lot of rants and "Why God?!" moments and I think I've a couple of blog entries to solidify this claim. Haha. But I didn't want to just let everything fall down so I started playing tennis again and learned golf. I now love those two sports and thanks to them, I'm in a pretty good shape, physically now. Zaza, in a way saved me (HANEP!!!) in this month. She got me to attend her cell thingies. But seriously though, that night when I agreed to go with her, I just wanted to get out of the house and I was curious. She told me she wanted to set me up her cell leader (HAHAHAH!). And that night just did it for me. I got a couple of things out to a group of people who I think (hope) won't judge me for whatever I shared (well, except of course my sister who probably didn't know what was happening to me). So it was a good thing that that wasn't the first and last cell night I attended. In a way, it brought me closer to Zaza. There are still a couple of things I need to fix within myself (like that prayer thingie..I haven't been praying since I can't remember).

12. December was the turn around month. I think it will always be because of Christmas. I mean, with all the anger and hate I felt for the last couple of months, I can't possibly stay that way in December!!! Parties came, all the food came...everything just came together, I think. I have to say, my cell leader, David (who btw, didn't develop to a crush..haha!), said a couple of things to me and I thought about it. He gave me great advice, and although I still don't agree with everything he says, it made me think really hard. Plus, that one service Zaza and I attended really had an impact. They sang Hark the Herald Angels Sing and that's when I really felt that Christmas was around. That night, I came home really, really excited about Christmas. It was weird, really. Haven't been excited about something for a long time. For this month, I've also had a lot of realizations. I am really content with myself and I'm just happy! My old friends still love me, I met new friends and I have a great family. Full of drama, yes..but everyone has their own dramas, right?

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Good bye 2006. There were bad times, but now that I recalled what happened each month this year, I realized, there were more good times.

I'm glad I've had such a good year and next year will be even better. I can feel it! Yeahhh!!!!

22:51pm... I can see and hear our neighbors playing with their fireworks. For the first time, ever. We won't be having any of those. My mom says, she won't be burning money anymore. So maybe on 2007, there will be a lot of changes... Well..the good thing about the future is, we dunno what's gonna happen. Good and bad things will happen. There'll be laughter and tears, but what the hell...BRING IT ON!!!

Zaza's surprise shibang

2006-12-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

Okay..none of my scheming worked. I found it really lame. Thanks to the spoilers who texted Zaza they can't go to her party. Mygolay. It's funny, really. I knew she knows about the whole thing and the spoilers just made it worse. Haha!!! Howell...these things really happen. The good thing is, there was a lot of booze and when there's booze, people fly to their happy places. I think everyone last night, at some point have gone to a happy place. It's just weird that Zaza's happy place included a lot of tears and drama. Howell! But in the end, it doesn't matter because we all had fun.

PTF represent!!! Kenneth and Jong were just waiting to get wasted last night. Mah brother, for once joined the party and drank with us. Ikay! She didn't get drunk, which was weird, but as she claims, she was naturally high. ErJan made booze, as usual. They even had a concert and held on to the magic mic for an hour. Imagine Jong and Ikay singing Total Eclipse of the Heart...CHAMPION!

The Del Prados are crazy / beautiful people and I love them already. Camwhores just click, ya know?

My crazy sub-barkada!!! Haha! Ahluvit ahluvit!!! You girls came! Another memorable night!!! Ahluvya girls. The pics are already in Multiply. We're such camwhores, I have a separate album for us. Haha!

I'm just glad Zaza had a "grool" time. She wanted a house party and she got it. And she got it good. It was her first house party na talagang wasakan and for the first time in the history of house parties here in 515 Batulao, my Dad got sooo pissed. Haha! It's all good. My parents won't let Zaza forget last night for a long time.

Haha... okay..I'll post my favorite pictures last night. Har!

My sneaky sister!!!

2006-12-29T17:10:00.000+08:00

Just when I thought she was out of the house, I call Kassy to see how she's doing (she's baking muffins for tonight) and then I go down to the kitchen to check on the Jagermeister I placed in the freezer. Out of nowhere, Zaza appears and claims she forgot something. YEAH RIGHT!!! You were trying to catch me! I've made up so many stories already, mhen! I mean, this was your idea...a surprise birthday party for yourself. I just changed the date, para naman may element of surprise diba. But nooooo... Hayyyy!!!!

You are sooooo aware we're having this surprise party and I tried to cover it up! You better act surprised when you get here!

Stories I made up so that she won't think there's any party tonight:

1. I'm going to Embassy with Cez, Nina, Tal and Shi. Truth is, they are coming over for the party. I've missed them and I thought, why not invite them!!! So anyway, I told Zaza we were going to Embassy and I needed the car to get there, so she has to be home by 9.

2. XVD will have a party here at the house. It's slightly true. My Dad invited them over for their meeting. I thought he wasn't president anymore?!?!?! Howell. Mom said they'd stay in the den for the entire duration of their meeting. We had to go to the grocery to shop for the barbecue Ate Nita would be cooking....and the booze we'll be drinking. I bought mostly hard ones: Tequila, Tequila Rose, Jagermeister and 2 Large Red Horse. Gabby volunteered to bring so many things: beer, pizza and some appetizer with cheese. Haha. Anyway, thanks to Kassy and Gabby for doing what they're doing. I shall get you drunk tonight for all your efforts. :)

Hhmmm... I think I shall turn the tables around... what if she comes home and there are no guests?! I'll tell her we tried to surprise her but none of her friends showed up... HMMMMM?!?!?!?!?! It sounds really good and evil. Mwahahahahahaha!!! Wait..I might make her cry... Hahaha!

I think I shall scheme something...

I Shall Linger On My Singularity.

2006-12-28T00:28:00.000+08:00

Today, I was so bored, I sang for around 2 hours with our magic sing. I dunno if our neighbors heard me but if they did, I feel so sorry for them. Haha.

I just watched A Lot Like Love. One of my favoritest movies ever. It's shallow and it's sweet, plus Ashton Kutcher is really cute. Amanda Peet is funny. I like their chemistry. This Christmas thing is really getting me ah. I feel bubbly and happy. And for the past weeks, kinikilig ako. There's no guy, nothing! For the first time in a really long time actually, I've no crush, prospect or whatever. I'm not even worried about it and I love it. I just feel this kilig thing for a reason I dunno why and thinking about it makes me feel even better. Haha! Weird noh, but ahluvit.

Hah! Another entry about guys? Tsss... Truth is, I'm done with them (as if I even started?!). My point is I won't stress myself about my "singularity." Maybe I'm happier now because I'm okay with it. And although I didn't get anything from my Christmas Wishlist (!!!), this year, I didn't ask Santa to give me a boyfriend. Haha! Yeah...every year for the past 3 years, I think I've wished for a boyfriend. Looking back, it's just pathetic. It's soo pathetic it's funny.

A few days before New Year... I'm kinda excited for the New Year. I think this year, I've been dwelling too much on the negative stuff. Next year, I will be happier. I just know it. It will be a good year ahead. Just thinking about it again, makes my heart beat faster. Haha! Hmm...I think I shall make a list of New Year's Resolutions right here, right now...

1. I will smile more.
2. I will keep a planner. (It's amazing how Zaza can check her planner last year and then she tells me what we did a year ago.)
3. I will flirt more. No, wait...when there's "more" it means I actually flirt, but I don't...so: I WILL FLIRT!
4. I will keep playing golf and tennis. (I think this has helped me keep my cool..hussaaaa!)
5. I will take more pictures. (this is for me to remember all the good times I will have.)
6. I will remember people's names. (I'm really bad at remembering names!!!)
7. I will give people gifts on special occasions. (Maybe even a letter will do just fine. Haha! I'm still kuripot!)
8. I will be less masungit...now this.. I dunno if I can do. I mean.. I think I'm no THAT bad..but whatever.. I shall try.

I dunno what else to put. I haven't been making New Year's Resolutions for years..since high school I think...and I dunno why I'm making a list! I don't promise to do all of them but I shall TRY. Haha!

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I've a really strong feeling my parents read my blog, it's creepy. They're not supposed to know the stuff I type in here. I'm fine with strangers reading my blog, just not my parents. My Dad made a speech during the Sarmiento Party and I swear... I think he read my rants. All of it. It's scary.

I love the holidays 2

2006-12-27T01:56:00.000+08:00

The Sarmiento's are such camwhores!!! Haha! We had our Christmas Party I'd like to call JINGLE BELL ROCK. Show your inner rock star. Haha! Ahluvit!!!

I've new solo pictures...sarap talaga maging rock star!!!

I styled my Mom! Hahah! Ang cute!

Happy Holidays!!!

I love the holidays

2006-12-25T15:03:00.000+08:00

From Bubba Gump to Embassy and then Saguijo the following night.

I love my girlfriends as always.

I love house music and dancing but I still love indie rock. I'm at home either way.

I'm getting to know Zaza's friends, for a change. (At least unlike before, they don't think I'm scary. Stil masungit though...but what the hell!)

Check out my Slide Show!

2006-12-22T01:55:00.001+08:00

I am a "hottie." HAHAHA!

2006-12-21T22:37:00.000+08:00

I feel like a kid again. For some reason, I'm really enjoying the holidays even if I'm just at home. The thought of Christmas is making me feel giddy and enthusiastic. Haven't felt this in years. I dunno why, but who cares why? It feels good! It's funny because with this state I'm in, I laugh at everything including these thoughts:

1. I may actually be an old maid. I'm almost 22, never been in love/relationship and I might grow old and be Ninang Edel who will give all the cool and expensive gifts to her godchildren. A sibling might even take me in their home because they're sorry I'm alone in the world.

2. I won't be receiving gifts this Christmas. I'm already a graduate and everyone expects me to have a job right now. And in my family, when you've reached this point, YOU should be giving out presents. Thing is, I've no money and so I didn't get anyone anything. Haha!!! I'ma give out all the love I have to offer. Now that's priceless!

3. No one texts me anymore. My joke textmates have stopped altogether! It's pathetic really. When I wake up in the morning, I check my cellphone and nada. I get invites to parties and that's it. No one wants to know how I'm doing. I get texts only from my parents with messages like: Where are you? It's late. Go home. Or from my girlfriends who expect me to plan our holiday dinners/parties.

4. I can stay in my room forever. With my laptop and the internet, who needs to go out? I chat with my friends, watch movies, listen to music, read the news, solve puzzles, every-thang! I have my pilates mat here so I can work out here, too. Haha! I can call the cook to bring up the food...but of course I don't. Pathetic, eh?

Haha. I'll probably cry over these things on a more appropriate time. Maybe Valentine's. It's Christmas!!! Time to spread the Christmas cheer!!!
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LAGUNA BEACH ALERT: this is gonna be sooo shallow and you may think I'm just sooo full of myself. I you don't wanna know... STOP RIGHT HERE! See ya!

Someboday made my day today!!! I was chatting with James as usual, and for some reason he made a comment about my "eternal beauty," which I thought was really funny. We joke around all the time so I thought he was making fun of me, as always. And then and he shared his first memory of me. (Hihi! It makes me smile just thinking about it!) We attended the same English class. It was our first day. He was sitting with his blockmates when I entered the room. I don't remember exactly how he said it but it seems as if they all just stared at me as I walk into the classroom and thought I was really pretty. 3 of his guy blockmates had a crush on me. Haha!!! James' term was "hottie."

Somebody thinks I'm a hottie. No make that a group of boys think I am. (YEAH!) This is really funny, noh? I've never considered myself to be a "hottie." I've never even have a group of guys drooling over me. Wait.. 'drooling' is really pushing it. Haha! Sorry if I'm making such a big deal. My entire life, only 2 guys have told me I'm beautiful (relatives and friends of parents don't count...they're biased!), and they weren't suitors or anything. They are friends. Former classmates who thought I was pretty the first time they saw me. What's really cool about it is that it was sweet and sincere.

ENOUGH before this gets into my head. Oh wait.. it already has. Haha!

Christmas is making me fat.

2006-12-20T22:28:00.000+08:00

Seriously. Last week, I lost 2 pounds, not a big deal but hey that's 2 pounds. This sporty thing that I've been trying is actually working. I can see my flabs turn into abs. Haha! Just for the record, I'm actually pretty comfortable with my body. I've no intentions of having rock-hard abs because I've learned to love my "bilbils." Haha. Let me put it this way, I don't mind having bilbils but I still wanna be able to wear my jeans without having muffin tops. Bibils are cute, I think. I mean, Janet Jackson's abs are gross.

All this working out may seem to be out of my vanity but there's a reason why I work our harder than anyone in my household.I just seriously want to be healthy. I know I don't eat right, but I'm trying..I really am. It's just that when I get asthma attacks, I can't help but imagine myself 10 or even 5 years from now. I've seen some of my relatives with asthma and it ain't good. That's why I sometimes force myself to jog for an hour. But damn it! Christmas is making me fat. The days are colder and all I wanna do stay under my comforter and sleep. I stepped on the scale and I gained back the 2 pounds. I think it's because of the weekend I just had. Lotsa parties, lotsa food to eat. Plus, the BEST UBE IN THE WORLD is driving me nuts and the cookies my sisters are baking. It's me, who stole the cookie from the cookie jar...arggghhh! I actually feel heavier and I'm in that holiday mood already. All I wanna do is sleep and eat. Plus it's that time of month, ya know and it's giving me cramps. It's the perfect excuse for me to eat all I want and skip all these sporty stuff. Lucky for me, I've never really lost or gained a lot of weight. I'm constantly between 110-112lbs. (Except when I went to the US, where I gained 6 pounds. I was heaviest at 117lbs).

Hayyyy....wimmin and their weight issues!!! I think this is partly because my parents always tell me how fat I'm getting or how big my thighs are. Oh please. I'm NOT fat. I may not have the best legs in the world but at least I can wear my short shorts and still look decent. And the good thing is: I'm not underweight and I'm not overweight either. I've no eating disorder of some kind that a lot of girls are suffering from because of the pressures of life.

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I enjoy reading blogs. I like to know how people think, what matters to them and how they see their everyday experiences. I even read blogs of people I don't know. It amazes me how people can be so the same and so different. Most of all, it's cool that there are so many talented writers out there! I sometimes wish I could write half as good.

Anyway, a friend just told me about this blog: http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

Basically, people just mail in their secrets and the owner publishes the best ones on his/her site. Pretty cool!

This one's funny:

Seriously! Hahaha! Well..okay.. maybe I am privileged and SOMETIMES shallow...but definitely not stupid. Hahaha!

Christmas Parties here I come!!!

2006-12-17T11:53:00.000+08:00

I love going to parties. I enjoy watching people so during parties, I get to see happy people and when I see happy people, I get happy myself. That's how your spread Christmas joy, I guess. I'm really loving Christmas songs too. My favorite has got to be: Hark the Herald Angels Sing of Take 6. It's the only time of year I get to really appreciate acapellas and I think this is the only time of year people should be singing in acapella.. it's soo Christmasy!!!

Friday, I went to Dad's company Christmas party. I don't think I ever missed it. It's one of the parties I really look forward to going because it's fun and really entertaining. It's very different this year, though. For the past years, each department would have a production and the VIP's (that's us and the wives of the top executives) will get to judge the performance. Usually we get sick of hearing that one song because it was such a big hit that everyone thought it was a good idea to use it in their performance (Sex Bomb, Ocho-Ocho, Mr. Suave, etc.). This year, I thought I'd hear Boom Tarat Tarat. There were no production numbers this year though. My Dad said everyone was too busy. This year, they had singing contests, parlor games and dance numbers. It was still entertaining and I think the employees still really enjoyed the party because there were so many raffle prizes. Almost everyone won something. The highlight of the night was when Mr. Raeuber announced the P5,000 bonus everyone would be getting this Christmas.

Oh and Tita Janet, my dad's assistant was given a loyalty award for 15 years!!!

__________________________

Yesterday, we went to the Letran Christmas Party. This get-together just started last year for some reason when my parents and their college friends decided it was about time for their families to get to know each other. It was fun, last year but it was better this year. The kids already know each other and we weren't shy anymore. We're all about the same age and together, we laughed at our drunk fathers who kept singing old songs in the magic mic, played games each family sponsored and posed for pictures, stole the magic mic from our dads and sang our hearts out. It was cool how the kids just got along almost immediately. I mean, last year was the first time for us to meet each other and last night, was only our second get together. It's literally been a year before we saw each other again but it's like we knew each other for a long time.

Hayy good times.

_________________________

Next week is another week of parties. Woohoo!!

________________________

Dang it, we didn't have our camera..I've no pictures to post!!!

Christmas Wishlist.

2006-12-15T15:12:00.000+08:00

I had a wishlist last year and I got none of it. So what the hell, I'll make one this year anyway. Someone with a good heart might read this and give me any of the stuff below. And in no particular order, here is my Christmas Wishlist!

1. Incubus' LIGHT GRENADES.
2. Keane's UNDER THE IRON SEA
3. New earphones for my iPod mini (my old ones are dirrrtttyyy).
4. At least a 50gb Maxtor external hard drive (there's so much good stuff in the internet I gotta download!)
5. Brandon Boyd's WHITE FLUFFY CLOUDS book (there's none here in the Phils. You gotta order it via whitefluffyclouds.com)...I've wanted to have this since around 2 years ago.
6. Nike Tennis Shoes (my old ones are getting tired already..they need to retire soon)
7. Adidas Climacool shirts (for all my tennis and golfing needs)
8. Roundtrip ticket to Greece
9. A really expensive pair of boots (I dunno why I want this..I just do)
10. The Killers' SAM'S TOWN

______________________

There were times this week when I felt I was losing my Christmas spirit. Hello, I just got it a few days ago! In my pathetic attempt to keep it, I've burned the Christmas CD's in my laptop so I could listen to them all day while torturing myself with the Sudoku (Ida's crazy about it). But nothing beats a Christmas party to get it back. Last night was our block party here at the house. I'm so happy to see my blockmates!!! I haven't seen them in ages! I won't miss college, but I'll miss those people and our craziness. Hayyy... I love my blockmates. This year, I banned video cameras. There's no way they'll tape me crying and hugging everyone because I was too drunk. Haha. Good times.

Survey time...

2006-12-12T20:05:00.000+08:00

Out of 125 Crazy Things, how many have u done?

Level 1
[x] smoked a cigarette
[ ] done weed
[x] kissed a member of the same sex
[x] drank alcohol
SO FAR: 3

Level 2
[ ] been in love
[x] shoplifted
[ ] been fired
[x] been in a fist fight
SO FAR: 5

Level 3
[x] snuck out of a parent's house
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
[ ] been arrested
[ ] made out with a stranger
[ ] gone out on a blind date
SO FAR: 7

Level 4
[x] had a crush on an older person
[x] skipped school/class
[ ] slept with a co-worker
[x] seen someone/something die
SO FAR: 10

Level 5
[ ] had/have a crush on one of your FRIENDSTER friends
[ ] been to Paris
[ ] been to Spain
[x] been on a plane
[x] thrown up from drinking
SO FAR: 12

Level 6
[x] eaten Sushi
[ ] been snowboarding
[ ] met someone BECAUSE of friendster
[x] been mosh pitting
SO FAR: 14

Level 7
[ ] been in an abusive relationship
[x] taken pain killers
[x] love/like someone right now - i think
[x] laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
[ ] made a snow angel/ man
SO FAR: 17

Level 8
[ ] had a tea party
[x] flown a kite
[x] built a sand castle
[ ] gone puddle jumping
[x] played dress up
SO FAR: 20

Level 9
[ ] jumped into a pile of leaves
[ ] gone sledding
[x] cheated while playing a game
[x] been lonely
[x] fallen asleep at work/school
SO FAR: 23

Level 10
[ ] used a fake/someone else's ID *someone else's school ID
[x] watched the sun set
[x] felt an earthquake
[ ] killed a snake
SO FAR: 25

Level 11
[x] been tickled
[x] been robbed/vandalized
[ ] robbed someone
[x] been misunderstood
[ ] pet a reindeer
SO FAR: 28

Level 12
[x] won a contest
[ ] been suspended from school
[ ] had detention
[ ] been in a car/motorcycle accident
SO FAR: 29

Level 13
[ ] had/have braces - technically..i wasn't braces
[x] eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
[x] had deja vu
[x] danced in the moonlight
SO FAR: 32

Level 14
[x] hated the way you look
[ ] witnessed a crime
[ ] pole danced
[x] questioned your heart
[ ] been obsessed with post-it notes
SO FAR: 34

Level 15
[x] squished barefoot through the mud
[x] been lost
[x] been to the opposite side of the world
[x] swam in the ocean
[x] felt like you were dying
SO FAR: 39

Level 16
[x] cried yourself to sleep
[x] played cops and robbers
[ ] recently coloured with crayons/colored pencils/markers
[x] sang karaoke *videoke
[ ] paid for a meal with only coins
SO FAR: 42

Level 17
[x] done something you told yourself you wouldn't
[x] made prank phone calls
[ ] laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
[ ] kissed in the rain
SO FAR: 44

Level 18
[x] written a letter to Santa Claus
[ ] been kissed under a mistletoe
[ ] watched the sun set with someone you care/cared about
[x] blown bubbles
[ ] made a bonfire on the beach
SO FAR: 46

Level 19
[x] crashed a party
[ ] have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
[x] gone roller skating/ blading
[x] had a wish come true
[ ] humped a monkey
SO FAR: 48

Level 20
[x] worn pearls
[ ] jumped off a bridge
[ ] screamed "penis" at a football game.
[ ] swimming with dolphins
SO FAR: 49

Level 21
[ ] got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer/ice cube
[ ] kissed a fish
[x] worn the opposite sex's clothes
[x] Sat on a roof top
SO FAR: 51

Level 22
[x] screamed at the top of your lungs
[ ] can do a one-handed cartwheel
[x] talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
[x] stayed up all night
SO FAR: 54

Level 23
[ ] picked and ate an apple right off the tree
[x] climbed a tree
[x] had/been in a tree house
[x] are scared to watch scary movies alone --but i do it anyway
SO FAR: 57

Level 24
[x] believed in ghosts
[x] have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes
[ ] gone streaking
[ ] been in jail

TOTAL: 59

Dang..baduy! There are stuff there I want to do what I haven't done yet...hhmmm... But some of the stuff here aren't crazy..what's so crazy about going to Spain or Paris? Tss...

Another year ahead.. yeh behbeh!

__________________________

I should get a job really soon.. What's taking them so long to call?!

The toughie is also a softy

2006-12-11T14:02:00.000+08:00

I really dunno why people think I'm a "toughie." My NFF's (a.k.a cellmates) are calling me "sungit." I know I am and people my entire life has referred me as that but c'mon...I'm not masungit all the time..okay maybe I am. Well everyone thinks that about me the first time. I haven't really warmed up to them yet. I'm still a little aloof around them. It's hard being part of a group whose members have known each other their entire lives. There are memories and experiences you can never relate to. (I have that set of friends, too). Ohwell, I'm happy I have these NFF's. It's good for me. I'm getting positive vibes from them and maybe they're just getting my sungit vibes and all the negativity I am overflowing with. Haha!

Speaking of that toughie and softy thing... I took this test... and the results are...soo me. Or so Aids says so. Haha!

______________________

I'm feeling Christmas now. Christmas is in the air. YEY!

Not feeling Christmas

2006-12-09T23:24:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling more like Halloween. I'm even listening to Manhattan Transfer's Twilight Zone. Once again, it could just be me or there's something wrong with this year's Christmas. For instance, it's really hot. One thing that gets me in that Christmasy mood is the cold weather. I like wearing my jackets and sweaters during December. I don't even have my comforter in my bed and every single night, I have to turn on the ceiling fan, a separate electric fan and the aircon to get a good night's sleep.

Another thing: everyday, I feel like moving out of the house. I can't seem to stand my parents. It's toxic being around them, really. It's Saturday. Give me a break. They catch me lying down on their bed, watching TV. They just came home from shopping. My precious siblings are somewhhere "working," and again, I'm the lazy kid who stays at home all day and does nothing.

(By the way, I played the labandera today. Our labandera got kicked out because of claims she has rabies, so Mom ordered ME to do the dirty job of washing our underwear. How low could that get? Well, maybe this is the life I should be living. I'm no entrepreneur so I do the laundry. Maybe next week, they'll kick out Ate Merlyn and pay me to clean the house. I mean, Dad's just asked me last week: What would I do if I'm a maid and my employer won't let me have day-offs. Hint hint!).

Dinner comes and my sisters just got home and they're off to their biznez, while I enjoy 2 servings of the pork afritada. My Dad, for the nth time, discusses about his favorite topic (in case you still dunno by now, it's business). For the duration of his heartwarming story of father and son entrepreneurs, I never make eye contact. I don't wanna get too involved. I might start talking business and God knows, I know nothing about it. So as I finish my mais con hielo, I head sraight to the TV room and do nothing. As I enjoy watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith while comfortably seated in the Lazyboy, my dad emerges from his room and was shocked to see me.

"Andito pala si Edel. Nandito pala si Edel eh... Kuha mo nga kame ng Mommy mo ng 2 baso ng tubig. Ok?"

Of course, being a lazy bitch that I am, I got pissed. (It's already starting, isn't it? They're gonna make me the new mayor doma of this house!) I went down anyway and got them their water, wondering why they won't turn on their refrigerator so that they won't have to come down everytime they're thirsty. That's the primary purpose of the ref in their room, right?

__________________________________

There's just so much bullshit coming out of me, noh? I'm tired of typing all these bitching. It's December, for crying out loud!!! I should force myself to embrace the Christmas spirit that this house is just so full of. (There I go again with the sarcasm!!! All this sarcasm is sucking the life out of me, not that there's really much of it left.)

Maybe I should start praying? Everyone's told me to pray for some reason. Oh yeah it was December 8 yesterday. So should I? Why? Just because it's almost Christmas? Hhmmm... Seriously though, things are starting to look up. Has somebody been praying for me? I asked Zach a few days ago: Is it okay to ask people to pray for me even if I don't pray myself? Maybe some people have been praying for me. Or maybe I'm just lucky. No. I believe the right word is blessed.

__________________________________

I changed the look of my blog. It's still boring. I dunno how to make it exciting. I read John Mayer's blog, he said blog without pictures is boring. I haven't been posting pictures lately. Then again, all I've been posting here are my rants. Haha!

I've been receiving good news. I hope (and pray?) that these blessings continue. Who knows? I might post pictures again of my happy times.

SHUT UP and LISTEN, kid!

2006-12-04T21:17:00.000+08:00

I am beginning to believe that parents, intentional or not, fuck their kids' life one way or another. Seriously. I'm not complaining about my parents. They're just like that and I've learned to accept it. Maybe "fuck" is not the right term, but it's all I could think of right now. Maybe "mess up" is also appropriate.

As David said (ohmygod..I can't believe I'm even quoting the cell leader!), "Parents do that with the best of intentions." I know, I know they do.

I can't count the times my Dad told me my thighs were big, or when my Mom said to me that life is not a bed of roses. Recently, my Dad also told me I'm not an entrepreneur, or maybe I don't have what it takes to succeed. Imagine that. My Dad telling me I'm not good enough. Or maybe, that just shows how shallow my Dad knows me. Its hart ya know! But hey, I can't do anything about that. And personally? I'm immuned with it. We've had the conversation about them, being done with me. They've given me everything, educated me, the works and now, they're "done." Tsss... I'm pissed at him comparing me to my sisters and how "maybe" I don't have it in me to be entrepreneural and that "maybe" my heart really belongs to the arts.

Uhhh...that's 4 years too late, Dad. Like any of the hundred arguments I've had with you, I lost that one when I told you I wanted film instead of accounting. That's why I compromised. I'm now a fucking Marketing Management graduate. I've buried my immature dream of becoming a film maker a long time ago, thanks but no thanks. I've deliberately shut down that part of me. Sure, once in a while I think about it, I dream about it and I fantasize that I am going to be one of the greatest film makers, that's one of the things on my mind when I thought I was gonna die, but that's all there is to it. I dunno how to write a screenplay or how what the hell a 9mm is. I don't think I'll ever know and I've no intentions of learning. Not anymore.

Thank God I am good at my "chosen" field. I've learned to love it, despite what my accountant parents thought of it. And please, Marketing isn't just about fucking selling. I can sell anything if I want to, thank you very much. That's how good I am at it. But what the hell. There's no use of arguing anymore. They can think whatever they want to. I can't do anything about that. An explanation to them is just a waste of time. Contrary to THEIR belief, they don't listen. So why bother? I don't even want to start with that "you're not born to be an entrepreneur shit."

I wonder how the fuck I got into all the conerts I went to. I never asked for their money. I justs had the money. I wonder where it all came from. Let's see.. that's 2 P5,000 tickets for 2 F4 concerts, 1 P2,000 (front row, by the way) to the Incubus concert..oh and I loaned Kokoy another P2,000 for that, another P2,000 ticket to the Hoobastank concert and then I also went to the Linkin Park concert. That's another P2,000. That's a lot of money, if you ask me. Maybe I stole them. I mean, I can't possibly have gotten that money from my business! I am not entrepreneur. And besides... I don't think "big."

What else... Sige Prod? Ohh I don't think that as a business. I've had wayyyy too much fun with it. It was just a good excuse for me to party every Saturday night. I got all the support from my siblings, cousins, Tito's and Tita's, and friend. But not from my parents. Maybe it was just too "small" for them.

So yeah...maybe my heart really is in the arts. I can now study film if I want to. Nevermind. I'd just stick to this business thing. It seems to be the best thing for me. But it also seems that I don't have it in me. Now what?! Thanks for making everything so complicated. I'm fucked. It's not their fault because they just wanted the best for me. It's my fault that I am fucked.

I'm done talking to them. I'm tired of it. I talk to them when the conversations make sense: movies, golf, jokes. Other than that? I'm quiet. They told me all I do is talk. I'm an arrogant kid who doesn't listen to her parents. Now is the time for me to shut up and listen.

Hayy buhay nga naman.

2006-12-02T23:24:00.000+08:00

I still can't believe that a friend of mine died this morning. He got into a car accident 2 nights ago and now he's gone. We took the same course in college, and he was the JEMA president 2 years ago. We weren't very close, but we knew each other well. He was also my ka-carpool so we really spent a lot of time together. He would sometimes pick me up at home and we would be talking non-stop (except for the morning shifts when I fell asleep). He was a very talkative guy and we never really ran out of things to talk about. He'd give me advice about the marketing subjects I was taking that he already took, he would share his rants and raves about his day, JEMA stuff, jokes.. He's intelligent and he's a nice guy. I'd see him serve at Church too. He was just that guy who was involved in everything. It's really just tragic that he would die in a tragic accident and at such a young age.

Maybe I'll see u in another life, Chris.
__________________________

The cell sessions are actually helpful. I still have my doubts. I still don't read the Bible and I haven't prayed yet. (Take note of the word "yet" at the end of my sentence. Does that word in the end mean I intend to do it in the future?). There's still angst in me and sometimes I feel like it wil always be here. I'm getting tired of being mad, actually. I'm beginning to be indifferent and indifferent is the last thing I want to be.

"They say death kills you, but death doesn't kill you. Boredeom and indifference kill you."
-Iggy Pop

When I Drive, it's a Group Thing Ya Know!

2006-11-30T11:14:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I drove all day. As in.. ALL DAY!!! It was jobhunting day for me, Marga and Ida. It's fun actually. We're a bunch of crazy people who makes fun of everything, whatever the circumstance is. We've been bums for a long time and so we realized, it was time to get our asses off the couch and start looking for a job. We have, and we did, yesterday. I brought the car, particularly Opel..I didn't wanna bring Lancer because it's not tinted in case an MMDA creature sees how clueless I am behind the wheel..so bringing Opel meant exercise for me since I have to press the gas and breaks harder plus, the stirring wheel is frikkin heavy. So anyway, getting from point A to point B is one thing. I got 3 people telling me to go: Ida, Marga and Zaza (she went with us because she had an album launch to attend).

Typical Scenario:

We're all talking about anything..say...JAMES BOND (hah!) and all of a sudden, I'd stop the conversation completely..

"Oy ano liliko na ba? Right, left or straight?"

Then the 3 girls wold have to tell me where to go..sometimes they all know where to go, which is the best thing but when someone disagrees I get completely lost...

So I follow their directions and then..

"Okay..so anyway! Diba?! Ganda ng song ni Chris Cornell!!! Wahhh..ang hot ni James Bond.."

The conversation continues. Haha!!!

If getting from Point A to Point B wasn't enough, wait til I park the car. I'll enter the parking lot and of course, I'd tell eveyone in the car to look for a space. When we see a slot... I'd park the car backwards. Ida would automatically look at the back. And yesterday, I brought the car without the censor that would beep when I'm about to hit something. I know how to part it..I just haven't mastered it. So Marga would tell me whether I'm doing it right or if I need to move the car forward, if I should start backing up. Haha! It's sooo funny.

Then we went to Makati for Zaza's friend percussionist's album launch in Makati. All I can say is.. 'TANG INANG mga ONE WAY YAN!!! Seriously. I don't say that phrase very often and I try not to. But I swear... I have never been so harassed before. Worse, after the gig, we went to drop Ida and Marga off and then Enzo's house for our weekly cell (uhh..yeah look's like I did keep it up). I never realized how hard it was to drive at night until last night. Taxi cabs didn't have their frikkin' lights on! How the fuck am I supposed to know they were coming?! Are they mad?!?!?! I AM MAD! I've never cursed so many times before, seriously. I can hear my passengers just laughing but they didn't realize how stressed I was. I tried to just sing Kelly Clarkson but it didn't work. I was soo stressed I ate a thousand dark M&M's (then again..I can eat a thousand more of those even if I wasn't stressed), and pizza in Enzo's house. I was sleepy, then got sugar rush and then burned my lips by putting too much hot sauce in my pizza (but it's gooooood!). With all those emotions and chemical reactions in my body, my sharing didn't even make sense..as always.

I can still feel the stress of yesterday's drive.. I need to swim...

My Dad is Impossible

2006-11-28T11:45:00.000+08:00

He is.

It's my parents' 25ht Wedding Anniversary. Happy Anniversary to them.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...

2006-11-26T12:02:00.000+08:00

I love movies that make me cry. But drama in movies is enough for me. I'm really not the type who looks for drama or enjoys drama in real life. I do the occasional drama thing maybe when I'm really drunk with my BFF's and I'm not even THAT dramatic. I usually just keep it all to myself and sometimes, I don't even understand why I'm sad or depressed.

But there are just people who are just full of it. It's annoying. Once again, maybe I'm just being a bad friend who doesn't want to listen to other people's sob stories. And maybe I've just dealt with my own drama and I don't want people sucking me into their own. I'M SORRY. I mean, usually, I can be all ears when my friends need me but I guess I've just had it. I just wanna have fun and can we talk about shallow stuff, other people's lives, cheesemax for now? Even just for now. Sometimes I think I've wayyyy to many girlfriends. Seriously!!!

Friday night was Patty's birthday. Rina originally invited people to go and surprise Patty but Patty texted people to have dinner and a movie. I've been missing the girls and I wanted to catch up. Hello, I' haven't seen them in months! So I thought that would be a good time. Everyone would be clearing their heads offf their thesis or school work since I know it's crunch time already. I was really looking for a good time, but what do I get?! DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...

I understand Ther and her situation. She had to spill it out. But mhen...she's really bitching! I feel sorry for her, really. But she could just make it all go away in a snap. She just have to make a choice, and I think she made the wrong one. So she's torturing herself. I mean...why go out with someone full of issues, when a guy you like is asking you out?!

Then there's the drama with the other girls. Why Madel chose to go to Eric's party instead of Patty's...that kind of thing. First of all, Patty's invitation was just the night before. Eric had a big party at his house so I could just assume he invited his thesismates (a.k.a Madel and Lottie) way before Patty did. So Patty was making a big deal out of it. And for some frikkin reason, they just kept leaving us on the table. I didn't get it! Thank God for Jenx, Rina and Lottie who didn't have issues. Thank God for Carl and Mike who went and made the atmosphere lighter. It was soo heavy. Sheesh.

I hate drama..and now I'm just bitching again. Sheeshh....DRAMA AMP!

Bloopers today

2006-11-23T22:28:00.000+08:00

Nahuli ng MMDA after magpacute. Bastards!

Hindi kumuha ng parking ticket sa Enterprise building.

Humiram ng stapler sa Leo Burnett para magstaple ng mga sampung resume. Haha!

Pumasok sa food court ng Enterprise at nagbalak kumain ng Cajun pero wala palang pera so nagpakagutom na lang.

Nag exit sa entrance ng Enterprise building

Akala ay na-carnap ang Xtrail.

Harrrr nakkerrrrr!!

PING!!! POW!!! PING!!! POW!!!

2006-11-22T12:35:00.000+08:00

Sporty chick. Hah! That's what I'm trying to be right now and I must say.. I'm really loving it. I never had the chance to really excel in sports and now, I think I have. I mean, sure, back in high school I was the ping pong champ, plus my serve in volleyball could kill (hahaha!!) and in college, I was the best girl in my class at basketball (i think! haha!), but I never really cared much for those sports. Well..so maybe I am KINDA sporty? Whatever. I guess I just like hitting things.

It's a shame I didn't continue playing tennis. I'm not as good as I used to but a few more sessions and my swing will be back...it should be! I've gotten my timing back in my serve, my backhand is better but my forehand still sucks. I'm slow. I'm surprised that I'm not as fast as I used to be. But I think, compared to last week, I'm faster now. Plus, I'm weak. All that laying around 24/7 for months didn't do my any good. Hayy...but I WILL be better. I have to be!!!

And then there's golf. I never thought I'd enjoy golf this much. It really is addicting. No wonder golfers take up hours and hours in the driving range. I just learned the full swing and I'm excited to do it all again on Friday. Sometimes I still miss the ball, which is really funny, but when I get into that zone...it's such a good feeling. The ball flies in the right direction and I feel like I'm Tiger Woods. I try not to look at the little girl in front of me whose swing is way better than mine. I mean, looking at her and seeing that perfect swing just crushes my confidence! Haha!

It's a good thing I'm into sports that involve hitting a ball. It is therapeutic. Sometimes, with people always up my ass all the time, I feel like screaming. But tennis and golf are my outlet. See, with these two sports, one has to be focused. For an hour or so, I forget everything else. All I have to do is hit that ball. And when you hit the ball perfectly, a really cute sound is produced. POW!!! in tennis and PING!!! in golf. Tennis and golf is a perfect combo, I have to say. I hope I can keep this up. Maybe I should just marry a rich man then play all I want! Or maybe, I'll just fulfill my dream of becoming a tennis athlete..or golf! It's never too late, right? Hahaha...

But seriously though..i need job. I need money, I need new friends...I need to get out of this house!!!

OMG..I'm still not over James Bond / Daniel Craig

2006-11-20T22:37:00.000+08:00

It's like I'm in high school again drooling over Leonardo Di Caprio!!! This is unbelievable! I've seen 2 films with Daniel Craig in it: Road to Perdition and Munich. He was good in both. He even stole the spotlight from Eric Bana in Munich...but I've never seen him in this light. OHHHH Man... James Bond has never been soooooo hot and sexy. Really.. I LOVE IT!!! He's such a badass who can kick ass with a well formed ass.. Seriously. SERIOUSLY!!!

This is just insane.

Okay now for the pics...

Who says James Bond can't be a blonde with blue eyes?!

This is scene just made me fall in love with him..SERIOUSLY!

And who could ever forget this one?! SERIOUSLY!

Am I Wrong?!

2006-11-16T17:07:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was Tita Baby's cremation. I knew from the day before that we weren't attending it. It was okay I guess. It was understood for us not to be there. I was in fact excited yesterday because I thought Zaza and I were gonna have our golf lessons in the afternoon. Funny thing is, Ate Erin was home and she said she was going to attend the mass before the cremation. I would never thought in a million years she would do that. First of all, she doesn't go to mass anymore...so why start yesterday? Secondly, when we visited Tita Baby when she was sick, she didn't say a single word to her. She refused to stay in the room where the sick lady was and try to make a conversation...so why all of a sudden attend this thing? I knew she's trying to do something but I didn't want to say it because I don't wanna be a bitch about it.

She was already preparing and I was still thinking on whether or not I should go. I really wanted to play golf!!! And besides, personally, I am really hurt of what Tita Baby's family did to my family, plus I'll be seeing my relatives who also hurt my family. I mean, is it wrong to hate the people who hurt your family? I am not mad at them anymore. It's more of indifference. I don't want anything to do with them anymore. And I really wanted to play golf, have I mentioned? There was no lunch because and we had to shop for groceries. I'm gonna have to leave the house anyway and since there's only one car left and I was having lunch with my sister, I felt like I have no choice. But actually, I did. If I really didn't wanna go, I could have asked her to bring me back home. But then again, knowing her, maybe she won't do it. Then I thought...I'm so shallow that I'd rather play golf than attend the cremation ceremonies. I felt guilt, can you imagine?! So I decided to go. While having lunch with my sister, I was still thinking of what I just did. I'm going because I felt guilty of choosing golf over a dead relative... We ended up re-scheduling the golf for today and Zaza came with us.

When we got there, we found out that they started early. We didn't catch the mass and the body was already being cremated. We had no choice but to stay until it is done. The good thing about the whole thing though, is that my second cousins were there: Ate Mahal, Ate Janel, Tintin and Miguel. We had a chat about what's up with everyone..bleh.. And then...Ate Erin brought up the reunion. I knew it. That was her agenda because she promised Tita Baby she would arrange a reunion like the ones we had in the past: with the costumes and presentations. She was talking so loudly and Tita Baby's family was just right in front of us. To make things worse, Zaza revealed that she was just doing it because of her promise to a dying woman. WTF?! Sometimes, I swear...my two sisters could really be soooo... I dunno...tactless? Sheeesssssshhhhh... They set the date and even the frikking theme!

By the time we left the cemetery, I saw from Tita Boots and Tita Cheng's faces they weren't ready for a reunion and so was Mama. There was still anger there and I knew for sure Mom wasn't ready either. I mean, that's why she wasn't there, right?! I'm just sooooooooooo pissed....
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On a lighter note, I finally went to Zaza's..CELL?! Whatever that is...a bible study thing. Got to meet new faces and who knows, I might keep it up. Interesting enough, the leader, whom Zaza wants me to date..is a lot like me. We have a lot of things in common. I think he's a better version of me: better in piano, tennis, learning the violin (I really wanted to play that instrument before), an asthmatic who just swam until it went away, a true artist and an economist. Haha. I'm still deciding on whether or not he's cute. Heh! Typically, I could really like the guy. I mean, knowing he does all that is already a turn on. Thing is though..he's too nice..he preaches God's word! Nothing against religious people...but although I made that "turn," I haven't "fallen on his neck yet." (If you have any idea what that means..haha!) I can sense that he's done some pretty messed up things too, but..I dunno..he's just...too nice. It's not a bad thing, but I feel like he's too nice a guy for me. He's too nice that he can actually make me change my fucked up ways.

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On a not so good news, the kois are sick!!! The white ones have reddish scales and most of them swim on their sides, of just lying at the bottom of the pond. Well, funny thing last night, after our "cell" (I still dunno what that is exactly), we went to Total to put air on the kiddie pool Kuya Colin picked up all the way from Ubay. It can't fit inside the car soo crazy thing...Zaza and I had to sit on the windows with our upper body out of the car so we could hold the kiddie pool at the top of the car. It was soooo funny. It gave me a high though. It was 12am, the stars were twinkling and the cool wind blew on our faces and I was laughing so hard.

We had to transfer the kois from the pond to the aquariums, fill the kiddie pool with water. We can't put the kois in the kiddie pool last night because kois have to be in "mature" water so it was just this morning that the kois were transferred there. I even went out to buy another kiddie pool because the kois are soo big they can't fit in the aquariums and kiddie pool. Hayy..it's chaos in here. My mom's really worried that she wasn't able to go to work. Gotta check the kois now! Hope they're better!!!

SAVE THE KOIS!!!

Final Moments

2006-11-13T18:48:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, I had a dream where I lost my tooth. It was so real. I can't really remember but I think I woke up in the middle of the night right after the tooth was pulled out. I'm not sure... But they say, when you dream of something like that, someone will die. For days, I was thinking about it and I thought about my family and someone dying from an accident or something...

A relative died just a few hours ago. It was Tita Baby. I haven't seen her since we last visited her and she was already sick and she didn't look really good, so I knew right then that she would be passing soon. It was weird. I almost forgot how she looked like. She was very ill. She was bald from her treatments and she was very frail. She couldn't talk very well but her tone--the strong tone she had--was still there.

We were there in Tita Boots's house when it happened. We went there at 11:30 at night. Zaza and I just dropped off Kuya Nono in his condo and we were watching John Tucker Must Die iny my laptop when Mom entered our room with her eyes all red, obviously from crying. She told us that Tita Baby had less than 24 hours to live and we should go visit her for the last time, so we did.

On the way there, we were talking about final moments. And then aloud I sighed, "Why do you have to wait for the last minute?," directing it to mom. Well it's not really on purpose but it just came out. But really, why is it that people only forgive and ask for apology on the final moments? Are they doing it out of the goodness of their hearts and that they have forgiven each other, or they're just doing it just to clear the conscience? It would be a huge burden to carry a grudge like that, wouldn't it? Would that anger or hatred stop the dead from entering heaven? I think that's what Christians believe. Hayy...

When we entered the room where Tita Baby's deathbed was, I was stunned, really. I've seen sick people before but I've never seen a dying person before. Something stopped me from walking further and nearer towards her dying body. She was at the stage where she lost her sight already. Her eyes were still open but they were grey and they were blank. Her mouth was open and there were breathing tubes in her nose. She really was trying to get all the time she had left. We all had the chance to whisper our final messages and goodbyes to her. Mom and Zaza were emotional. Ate Erin, surprisingly really poured her heart out. I couldn't really say if I was because I didn't shed a tear. Mom and Ate Erin went first, and then it took a couple minutes before Zaza had the gutts...but she suddenly bursted into sobs and tears. It was painful to watch but it was even more painful to see that Tita Baby, knowing that she could still hear what was going on, was also crying. She was obviously sobbing from the way she breathed and tears formed at the corner of her eye. I didn't want her final moments to be like that, really. I wanted her to just think of the happy times. So I told them I'd go ahead before Zaza..just to make her stable again.

As I held her hand, and whispered to her my final words, I really felt her there. I called her Tita Beauty since that's what we called her when were were young. I reminded her of the dance productions we did for Christmas and I felt her breathing stabilize. My voice cracked, but I pulled myself together and continued on with my message. It was short but I think there's really no point in bringing up the conflict or even promising her something that I wouldn't be able to do, and wouldn't do just to make her happy one last time. I think what was really important was just to give her peace of mind. Then when Zaza went, the tears and the sobs came. After that, I didn't want to stay inside anymore and watch all the drama unfold.

Two Christmases have passed that we haven't celebrated with the Romeros, Sy's, and the Arcegas who took their side. I must admit, the parties were much happier when they were around...but I think, that's just life. You go on with the journey knowing people but there would come a point wherein you can't take all the people you know all the way through.

Tita Beauty has contributed a lot to who I am now and I am grateful. I hope that she's happy wherever she may be.

I hate my asthma

2006-11-12T18:00:00.000+08:00

I've had this asthma since I was little and I've always hated it! Well of course there were the times when I faked my asthma to skip school..but that's sooo not the point! All that I am now is actually a useless person who just wastes my parents' money by just staying at home and not even looking for a job (well...I can argue with that..but still not the point) so I'm basically just existing, and part of this existing thing that I'm doing is breathing and I can't fucking believe I'm even having a hard time doigng it!!! What's up with this shit?!

I'm not trying to get back in shape so at least my existence wouldn't be so bad. I'm back on the treadmill and I'm trying to live a healthy life because you know, I will not just be existing soon..I've had a lot of things in mind that I want to do and to accomplish. For one, I'm playing tennis again...since I haven't held a racket for more than a year, I suck and worse, I try catching my breath every what..10 minutes?! Sheessshhh. I think my asthma has gone from bad to worse. I haven't really had asthma attacks that were so bad they had to bring me to the hospital, THANK GOD!, but still I'm afraid that as I get older, the more difficult it is for me to deal with it. I got sick 2 weeks ago and although I'm feeling better, my breathing is still not back to normal. There's fucking phlegm stuck in my throat and no matter how hard I cough and try to get it out..it's still there. I have to clear my throat every fucking minute just to get it out of the way. I HATE IT!!! I can't even sing along my Kelly Clarkson songs because of it. Shit!

I'm totally bitching again...and why not?! Christmas is coming, I don't have money, I won't be giving and receiving gifts, my forehand sucks, I can't sing at the top of my lungs, I'm jobless, I have a fucking mullet and I have asthma!!!!!!!!!!!

My take on alcohol and drugs

2006-10-28T23:41:00.000+08:00

My take on alcohol and drugs
I'm a bad drunk. Really...based from experience, I turned into this conio shit who talks non-stop about a boy named Joboy, I sing Kelly Clarkson songs all night or I turn into a disturbed depressed girl who texts people about nothing important. But I really like getting drunk. Not that I'm an alcoholic or anything. It's just interesting how people get less inhibited. The "inner monster" gets unleased, I guess. But maybe it really depends on the person. Your emotions that moment gets heightened. So if you're lonely who needs someone to talk to, you'll turn into that. But instead of your usual self, who contains all the emotions inside, you don't. And if you're in a super bubbly mood, you multiply that emotion times 5 and turn into a super friendly person.

I'm not drunk now. I'm just tipsy. For some reason, my resistance to alcohol is very inconsistent. Tonight, I just drank 2 San Mig Light and a shot of Rum and I'm already tipsy. It's my first time to actually write in my blog in a condition like this. I've been feeling "emo" today so I am listening to my top 3 Hale songs: Kung Wala Ka, Underneath the Waves and Waltz, and Aqualung. Maybe I'm in that "I want a boyfriend" state, that's why I'm listening to these songs. Oh! I love Jimmy Eatworld's "May the Angels Bring You In." I'll play that.. hold on.

There...it's such a nice feeling to be drunk listening to mellow songs. Unlike when you're on a drug like E, you'd wanna hear house songs to satisfy your dancing needs. I'm not an addict, either. It's just something I have tried a few times. I mean, I'm only young once, and I guess I just wanted to try it. I have been "giyang" or "gigil to take it" but it's something I'd rather not do. For the couple of times I did, I must admit, the feeling is just pure ecstasy. I've never felt anything like that so good. But then again, it's something fatal, so I'd just stick to alcohol.

And then there's a thing called wari. This, I forgot to buy in Hong Kong..but maybe it's a good thing. I don't wanna lose all my brain cells. I mean, I need those cells to succeed. Haha. Wari is a short time thing. Short..really. It's just 30 seconds, max. Inhale it and then you'll laugh like hell. 30 seconds later..or less...it's over.

Of course, there's the "shrooms" which made me closer to the moon...then got me depressed for my birthday..I think. Really bad. Hah!

Am I over those things? Yes. I haven't tried weed though..weird.

Boom Tarat Tarat Boom Tarat Tarat.. Taratat Taratat Boom Boom Boom

2006-10-21T10:12:00.000+08:00

"Boom Tarat Tarat Boom Tarat Tarat.. Taratat Taratat Boom Boom Boom!!!"

I never knew what that chant was until 2 days ago. I finally watched Wowowie and saw why my friends were laughing about it. It is hilarious. Desperate, toothless and penniless people in the audience of the show would do their best dance of the Boom Tarat and hopefully Willie will pick them to be the "BIGATIN." I finished the Boom Tarat segment and before the Bigatin part, I switched the channel. I couldn't take it. It is noisy, it is pathetic and it reflects the sad reality here in the Philippines.

I just came from Hong Kong, a first world country where all the malls contain the big brands: Fendi, Valentino, Chanel, Burberry and more. I was there 8 years ago and that time, the Philippines weren't that far off. Kowloon was like Manila but cleaner. Now, everything there is expensive. It is fast paced, everything works, the toilets are clean with tissues and there are liquid soaps in the soap dispensers. Everything is convenient. The subways can get u anywhere you want to go, the pedestrian lanes are so wide to accomodate the thousands of people crossing the street, and everyone follows the traffic rules. I didn't see anyone poor. I'm sure there are poor people, but in Kowloon or in Hong Kong..no one was poor. Not to mention, everyone was fashionable.

When we were there, we walked til our legs hurt, took the train, the ferry, relied on taxicabs to get us where we needed to be. The perks I guess of living a luxurious life in the third world is we have househelp to clean my room, cook me food I want, just like living in a hotel. We have a driver who can take us anywhere we want, any time of the day. So maybe I prefer that walking til my legs hurt than having a driver. Sure..if it means getinng that Wowowie show out of business. I don't want to hear any more sad stories to win the heart of Willie who'll give them instant cash prizes. No more songs or dances of desperation. I'm tired of hearing that shit. It's time people rely on their own two feet and work hard.
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Hah! I guess it's not right for those words to come from me. I'm not a hard worker. Pfffftttttt...

Boom Tarat Tarat
Boom Tarat Tarat
Taratat Taratat Boom Boom Boom!!!

Left Behind

2006-10-20T18:00:00.000+08:00

1 . Latest na narealize mo? -
~ you can't have everything u want

2. Dapat gawin pag nalulungkot? -
~ dance when u're alone

3. Motto mo about LOVE? -
~ love is a battlefield?! hahaha! ewan ko.

4.Favorite food? -
~ Guylian chocolates

5. Favorite Place to Be? -
~ beach with my sabog friends

6. Whats the title of the song that's stuck in your
head right now? -
~ Zombie!!!

7. Pangarap mong summer get-away trip? -
~ Egypt to see pyramids or Turkey with the really cool pools.

8. Isang bagay na hinding hindi mo tatanggihan? -
~ libre!

9. Masayang libangan kapag umuulan? -
~ MATULOG!!! or manood ng Grey's Anatomy..

10. Isang bagay na pag-iipunan mo nang husto? -
~ trip to... Milan where i can go shopping!

11. Gagawin mo sa susunod mong birthday? -
~ party siguro..as in magpakasabog

12. Hindi mo makayanan o matagalan? -
~ mga asar na tao

13.Gusto mong panoorin sa sine? -
~ The Guardian..i really wanna watch a super funny or super drama movie..and I heard The Guardian will make me cry.

14. Do you love cooking? -
~ not really..

15.Paano ka ma- badtrip? -
~ depends..like now..para akong lasing kanina...or minsan super quiet..or i throw bitch fits (like i usually do)..or sing Kelly Clarkson songs..

16. Matagal ka ba maligo? -
~ nope!

17.kumakain ka ba ng vegetable? -
~ yes..but baby steps!

18. cute ka ba?
~ not sure..but maybe to some people

19.sino palagi mong kausap sa phone? -
~ I don't talk on the phone...I text..I chat..but if someone wants to talk to me on the phone...sure..why not!

21. Sino ang kasabay mong umuwi? -
~ dang..i'm always at home! haha!

22. Are you a busy person? -
~ now?! I wish! haha..i'm super bored at home!

23.What/who do you hate most!? -
~ I hate it that I can't have what I want! I'm such a brat.

24. What makes you happy? -
~ spending time with my friends and talking to the max about nothing important

25. If given a chance to have one wish,what wud
it
be? -
~ To have what I can't have.

26. why? -
~ Ehhh..paki mo ba?!

27. "in love"? -
~ hah!

28. 10 yrs from now, what wud u be? -
~ i really have no idea!!! this is so bad.

29. Song/s that best express what ur feeling ryt
now? -
~ Behind These Hazel Eyes? Haha!

30. Is there any person that you miss? -
~ yup. my blockmates, my girls

31. What makes you really angry? -
~ when I feel stupid over stupid things.

32. Gusto mong gawin ngaun? -
~ lumabas with Ther

33. Kung may mababalik kang moments sa
buhay mo ano un? -
~ hah! can we not talk about the past?!

If I Just Lay Here

2006-10-18T12:28:00.000+08:00

I have been laying here (in the house) for weeks. I have been looking forward to graduation and now that it's over, I dunno what else to look forward to. I was looking forward to my (ours actually..with Zaza) grad party. But my dad all of a sudden offered Hong Kong. I dunno why I chose Hong Kong and agreed so quickly with my Dad's offer. I mean, I've been there before! I have been wanting a grad party for weeks because I've been homesick. Homesick, meaning I'm sick of being at home. I haven't seen my blockmates and my girlfriends (well..I've spent a lot of times with Marga and Ida), my cousins for a long time and I wanted to see them and party with them. It's not so much for the gifts I asked them (haha! I did ask them but it was a joke!) or another party that will for sure get everybody drunk. It was simply for the company and the catching up. I didn't graduate with my blockmates. I'm ahead one term so during the graduation, there were no group pictures with the block. Crap..I hate being sentimental. This is what being a bum makes me do!!!

Shifting and not having my blockmates in every class was a good move. I wanted to expand my horizons and I did. I love the relationships I formed with the Marketing Management people. There was JEMA, then there were my crazy classmates. I must say, that Kuala Lumpur trip 2 years ago had a lot to do with it. Going on a trip together with my classmates really bonded us together. A hotel room, booze and a bunch of people who wanted to have fun one night (2 nights!) I think sealed the deal. It started from there and everything else just fell into place I guess. I dunno where else I'm gonna see those guys, but I do hope to see them again.
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I am a brat. I'm sorry I can't help it. I can't help but want what I want and everyone knows, when I want something, I have to have it! I wanted the trip and the party. But I chose only 1 and it made me feel bad. I still feel bad. It's like I'm 13 again and I wanted the expensive Baby-G watch. I cried my eyes out but I got it eventually. But I grew up and when I wanted the Nine West boots that my parents refused to give me one Christmas, I knew: I can't have it all. I believe, however, if you want something badly enough and work hard enough for it, you can have it. Is it the same for people though?! Can I have someone whom MAYBE I can't have? I hate what-ifs. But I have so much of it. Now that I've graduated...is it too late? So for now, I'll just lay here.

Why can't she help it?!?! Stupid girl!

2006-10-11T21:26:00.000+08:00

Someone I know was sleepless last night. During the day, she was texting a guy she liked. As usual, the guy asked her something. He would only text her when he needed to know something. This annoyed her to death but since she liked him a lot, she can't help but answer and help him. To extend their texting sessions, she would joke around and he would respond. This made the girl really happy and she would convince herself that maybe, just maybe the guy liked her.

They actually used to be good friends. They were in a few classes together. Sometimes he would tease her or try to get her attention. They worked in a few projects together, too. She enjoyed being with him. She thought that maybe the guy was like that to all his girl friends. But she also can't help but wonder that maybe he wasn't. It was possible that he really was giving her special attention. Maybe she was dreaming, but she swears she caught him a few times looking at her. She liked him so much that she gave him a Christmas present, and greeted him on his birthdays.

She spent 3 hours tossing and turning in her bed, thinking she might have had an epiphany. For someone who never had the gutts to tell someone her feelings about anything, she suddenly had the urge to tell the guy she liked him. She imagined telling it to him straight, or though a letter she would give to the guy herself.

The next day, she saw the guy and wanted to spend time with him. It didn't matter that he was with his buddies since she was friends with them anyway. She was excited. When they were together, the guy didn't even come near her or tried to strike a conversation...except when he borrowed a pen. Again, he asked for something he needed. He would not even make eye-contact. So this girl felt unwanted and so she left the group and just tried to go on with her day. She was confused. The day before, they had a good conversation through text complete with the jokes and smiley faces. The next day he was cold. "What was that about?" she thought to herself. Her spirit was crushed and was finally convinced he didn't like her the way she did and that telling him her feelings isn't a good idea. (It could be that, but it could also be she's just dying to tell him that but scared of rejection.)
______________________

Am I right in saying this girl is stupid or what?! But then again..that's heartless me.

2006-09-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

From Ikay's blog...

About guys, Turned ON, OFF, or DC (Don't care):

Is taller than you:~> ON
Is shorter than you:~> OFF
Wears braces:~> DC
Has blue eyes:~> DC
Has green eyes:~> DC
Has hazel eyes:~> DC
Brown eyes:~> DC
Drinks alcohol:~> DC
Wears glasses:~> DC
Smokes:~> DC (but he better not kiss me after smoking!)
Plays sports:~> ON (aside from basketball or pool, he has to know something else)
Smiles a lot:~> ON
Calls you just to say Hi:~> DC
Compliments you:~> ON
Good dancer:~> DC
Wears jewelry:~> OFF (i hate guys with huge blings!)
Smiles when you walk in the room:~> ON
Has brown hair:~> DC
Has Black hair:~> DC
Has blonde hair:~> DC (if that's his natural hair color)
Has red hair:~> DC (again..if that's his natural hair color)
Makeup:~> OFF
Can make you laugh at any given moment:~> ON!!!
Loyal:~> ON (this is a requirement)
Laid back:~> ON (another requirement)
Plays guitar:~> DC
Plays drums:~> DC
Sings:~> DC
He's buff (muscles):~> ON (OFF if muskles)
He can draw:~> ON (i've a thing for artists...but i'm over rockstars)
Easily jealous:~> ON (i think)
Doesn't eat meat:~> OFF (what kinda guy doesn't eat meat?! he'll be weak!)
Has a tattoo:~> DC
Has a lip ring:~> DC
has tongue ring:~> DC

So as you can see...my standards aren't hight..but why can't I find one?! I think I'm ready to be an old maid..howell!

Back from Cali

2006-09-27T15:34:00.000+08:00

Over the past few weeks, I have been confined in the house watching all sorts of movies and TV shows. If I wasn't at home, I'll meet up with friends too hang and catch up. It has been a while since I have gone outdoors. So when Ida IM'd me that her mom needed help at Camp Cali, I automatically said yes. Finally! I'll be out of the house for 4 days and I had a blast. As usual, I was with my fellow bums: Ida and Marga.

This is only the third time I have been to the place but I've missed it so much. It's home away from home. The place is spectacular, the food is perfect..everything was just wonderful. And spending it with my friends made the experience a whole lot better. But what's funny was it was 4 days of bitching and making fun of ourselves for being single. This kind of talk between us is not unusual. And it didn't help that there were rich and hot guys around. Maybe it was insecurity that we concluded those guys are out of reach for us since they're all that, they can have the girls they want and they're world is totally different from ours. Maybe it's also self-defense that we think their world only revolves around rich girls, parties, alcohol & drugs, car racing, and money. But...they were hot and they were nice so I guess for us three, little interactions with them gave us tingles. So that peck on the cheek in yesterday's goodbye has gotta leave a mark. Haha!!!

2006-09-10T14:29:00.000+08:00

September 7, 2006 22:28
Ayala Greenfields

Where Do I Go From Here?

This morning when I woke up, I asked myself, “What now?” This has been the day that I have been preparing for.

It’s been 22 days since I have finished college. I was really fortunate because my grandparents’ recently celebrated their golden anniversary. I was fortunate because there were a lot of family gatherings and parties that just happened. Even my relatives from the US came here for that occasion. And last week, they left. Sad to say, the parties are over. Now, I’m here in my aunt’s house because I tutored my little cousins for their exams. Today’s their last day of exam so my job here is done. Needless to say, I’m at the top of their house enjoying the quiet time and the beautiful scenery.

My college life has ended. After defending my thesis and learning that I have passed, I was relieved. It’s over! My graduation is not until October but who cares? I have submitted all my requirements and have finished my course in BS Marketing Management in De La Salle University-Manila. It’s been 3 weeks and I haven’t returned to the school yet. I wasn’t even aware of the course card distribution last week because I was out with my high school friends who are now also bumming.

Bum. I am now a bum. By definition, the word “bum” means: a lazy, worthless person; and “bumming” means: travel with no particular purpose. That’s a harsh way of putting what I am now, but yes. The definition captures exactly my situation. Bumming has its benefits though. I get to watch all the shows I want, read all the books I want, exercise all day, eat all day, sleep all day. Well… basically I can do whatever I want that wouldn’t cost me anything. Cost…of course. Nothing’s free in the world anymore. Since I no longer go to school, my parents are not giving my any money anymore. In fact, I have been “working” for my parents (even relatives!) since I became a bum. I pick up my sister, do errands, even baby-sit! Baby-sitting has been my job for a few weeks now. And I must say… I’m not ready to have kids yet.

All this bumming around has made me reminisce about the past. I remember when I was in grade school, I couldn’t wait to get into high school. I was so excited to be a teenager. I remember my transition from reading Sweet Valley Kids to Sweet Valley Twins. I loved going to the book store to get a new book to read and then place it on the shelf in my room. As time passed, I was able to fill it with books and I was so proud of myself. A few years later, I was in high school and my shelf started to fill up with Love Stories.

I enjoyed high school. I remember so many great things in my high school. I had a lot of firsts. I wore my first bra (my best friend and I felt so itchy but since we wouldn’t look cool scratching our boobs, we would go to the rest room and then scratch to death and then go out as if nothing happened), my menstruation (choosing the right pad is the worst), soiree (GH boys and E boys), party (at Sab’s), gimmicks (Galle is the place to be!)… the works! I formed my clique and we were very popular. We stuck together and we’re still very good friends. We made a pact that we wouldn’t have boyfriends until college so we didn’t really pay attention to the soirees. We talked about it but it was nothing serious. We enjoyed each other’s company imagining what the future would be like, how we would change in college, who will be the first to have a boyfriend and how we’ll hang out weekly.

Then came college. College was not what I thought it would be. I was a romantic. Maybe it was because of my Love Stories collection that I thought I would fall in love in college. It was too naïve to think of college that way. Coming from an exclusive Catholic school did not help either. I became conscious of the boys in my class and insecure of some of the girls. There were all sorts of people in my class. It was hard for me to fit in at first. I tried hanging out with the large group of girls, and then eventually found 4 girls and then the rest were the boys. I realized, it was a lot easier to hang out with the boys because they were happy go lucky and it was just fun. Having my college friends made me realize how boxed I was in high school. It made me appreciate them and my high school friends as well. Of course, I had a lot of memorable experiences in college as well. It was during these years that I learned how to curse, cut class, never study for a quiz, sleep during a class (but I was always caught), came home late, came home in the morning, got drunk and high (not on the same night, excuse me). There were so many firsts in college, but I never got my first kiss or my first boyfriend. I had a few crushes and there were times when I thought a guy was coming on to me but I don’t know. Well…there were guys who I knew for sure but they weren’t my type so I just dismissed them. Then there were the ones I liked. Really liked. A few of them made me feel something but maybe it was just me. There were a number of times I wanted to ask the guy out but I never had the nerve. College has come and gone and I’m still here. A little confused, a bit desperate but in denial. But I gained a lot of friends who are more than willing to hang out with me when I ask them to.

I’ve met friends, gained a lot of experiences and earned a degree. Am I ready to face the real world? When I was in grade school, I thought life would start in high school. And when I was in high school, I thought it would start in college. Now that I’m done with college, I feel like my life hasn’t even begun yet. I feel like I’m missing out on something. Something big. As I sit here thinking, I have so many questions about the future. Should I just pursue law like what my dad has been telling me to? Did I make the right decision in taking up Marketing rather than Film Making? Do I have what it takes to succeed in life? Will I end up alone? Is my resume impressive enough for a company to hire me? Am I ready? But more importantly…Where do I go from here?

My entry for July 6, 2006

2006-09-10T14:27:00.000+08:00

Time's passing so quickly. In a few weeks, it'll be Ate Erin's birthday, my thesis defense, Lolo and Lola's Golden Anniversary (along with my relatives from the States coming here, which I'm really excited about).

It's only starting to sink in to me that I'll be graduating really soon. I don't know what's in store for me. For now, I'm trying to do our thesis and enjoy it. I'm with m thesismates 8 hours a day, everyday on weekdays. I'm with 3 boys 8 hours a day, everyday on weekdays. Now, for a girl like me, who has never been kissed, never held hands with a boy before...this must be like a dream come true, right? Well...you can think of it that way, but you've never met my boys.

So first, there's Rocky. I'm in his dorm now actually and he's playing Tekken on his PS2. He's the bad boy turned good boy from Davao. Really. I've never heard him curse, he reads the Bible everyday and he always has something nice to say. He's only 19 but he's the YFC president in school. Very religious, very in love with his Chinese girlfriend...ex-girlfriend..girlfriend... Haha. Whatever. Their love story can pass up for a telenovela..really. He has sleeping problems since childhood. He has a weird accent when he talks and he knows a lot about Apple computers which of course, is cool since he tells me where to buy cheap accessories for my beloved iBook. Like a true romantic, he enjoys My Girl and Grey's Anatomy.

Then there's Pats. He's short..about 5'4, but he's the biggest flirt you'll ever gonna meet. He was my AVP last term in JEMA. He just came in a few minutes ago, so now they're playing NBA Live, like they always do when we're waiting in the dorm. He's also an officer of the YFC...so he's kinda religious too. He has a girlfriend...ex-girlfriend..girlfriend... Haha! Whatever..but as that may be the situation, he flirts with me, with our boss, the women we've surveyed...everyone! He loves to sing Videoke songs and always, always annoys me when he sings like Alex Band-meets-Sam Milby. He only appreciates songs that he can sing, even if he doesn't know the lyrics. He's also loves himself that one time, he brought the VCD that his little gf made for him for his 22nd birthday, and we all watched in silence as he watched the video with his friends telling him how nice, cute or whatever he is. And although he drives like a mad man,sleeps all the time and eats a lot and very slow, he is nice, charming and very positive.

Lastly, there's Adrian. He was my seat mate before in FINAMA. We were cheatmates. He's super thin and super effeminate. I'm actually not sure if he's gay, straight or bisexual. Either way, I like him. He knows all the latest Hollywood and local showbiz cheesemax. He enjoys watching artfilms although I have yet to watch with him. He's a true Makati boy. He knows everything I need to know like sales in Zara or Greenbelt or when the latest movie will be showing. He's a little private but just yesterday he shared a problem with us and I feel for him. Right now, he's going through a hard time. He's a eats like me, is pessimistic like me and has something to say about everyone and everything. He loves watching Grey's Anatomy, too.

So those are my boys! We enjoy each other's company. We're not rude to each other when we disagree with what one is saying..well maybe I'm a little rude..haha! But we're fine and we're enjoying this time. We're average students with extraordinary dreams, as Rocky would say. Haha.

Where's my McDreamy? I wonder... I want my McDreamy!!! Give me my McDreamy! Oh well...as I wait and wonder where he is...I'll settle for McFlurry Oreos..they're everywhere and they're cheap.. I can have them anytime I want...

What's going on with the world?!

2006-07-18T21:22:00.000+08:00

Turns out there's a lotta shit happening in the world that I just found out!

1. The war between Lebanon and Israel. I've kind of heard about it the other day..but just like any other important news that I should know about, I shook it off. There were thousands of Filipinos who died because of a bombing in Lebanon. Shucks..the war I know about is between US and Iraq..damn!!!

2. That gang rape victim, Nicole. I also heard about that..but I wasn't interested. I dunno what happened, or how it happened...or why it's such a big frikkin deal.

3. Impeachment shit is up again..but then again..who cares?

That's why I love my dad so much. He gets me informed about the important things. Stuff with "added value," as he would say.

I dunno what else it happening out there! If not for the dinner I had with my dad tonight, I would have cared less. I'm a freak who doesn't know anything important! When I go online, I go straight to my emails, and then head on to my favorite websites: bryanboy.com, perezhilton.com and celebworld.org, or I go to torrentz.com to see what's a cool movie to download..what's wrong with me?! I'm so absorbed with all these bullshit. I always look forward to going to the mall and check out the coolest stuff, or what's showing in the theaters. I should really get a fucking life. I can't even get to wake myself up in the morning like I used to, to work out. I've become a total slob. If I keep this up, I'm no better than the stupid Americans who think Manila is some kind of state in the US.

Is this just a phase for me? Or am I just totally indifferent with everything? I mean..everything! I think I've gone numb.

Take my faith for example. I've become so indifferent, I go to church just so I wouldn't have to argue with my parents. It's an obligation, right? It's the same thing over and over again since childhood. What they're saying to me every Sunday isn't new. I don't pray anymore, in fact. Well..I do but not the way I used to pray. It's not that I have refused to pray..it's just that I feel it's kind of useless. As long as I'm not hurting anyone and I'm okay...I'm cool. I dunno what have turned me to this way...

Maybe that's why I find so much pleasure in all the material things around me, that I've lost touch with the world. I still value the people around me of course, but I feel like, I've become totally self-centered. I'm responsible for myself and there's no one else I can count on but me. Sounds really evil but at the same time, pathetic...mostly just pathetic.

iLove This!

2006-06-08T19:53:00.000+08:00

Yahoo!! I have a laptop! This is so cool. iLove my folks! I'm like a little girl who just got the best toy in the whole world. The timing's perfect too. I'm doing my thesis and my brotha just bought a router. I can be online anywhere in the house! This purchase though would mean more expenses for me. I'd have to buy a laptop bag/case, iSkin, mouse and iLife. Knowing me of course i'd want to buy the original stuff. But iDon't have money! Wahhhh!!! I'll get through this! Hehe! Magbebenta na ako ng laman! Haha!

Anyhooo...

It's been a while since iLast (I'm getting obsessed with this iThingie...) blogged. A lot of good things happened. First, there was Eona's birthday / first photo exhibit. Eona is really talented and I'm really proud of her. If only I had money I would have bought one. There were so many pictures there that I wanted but I really like the one with the legs. Ate Erin bought it, so i guess that's fine. I also like the picture that Lolo defined. Hayy.. galeng mo Eona!!! The party was really nice. It was small and very intimate. Based on Eona's really really really long speech. Long but very very entertaining. She could pass up for a stand up comic. I'd pay to be on her show! Just don't forget me when you're famous Eona!

Happenings, happenings..

I've started my OJT last week. We'll be doing a marketing plan for Kissa Papaya this term. We're not actually gonna be doing office work all the time so for our first week, we did storechecks. For Monday, I was able to go to the Makati malls: SM Makati, Glorietta and Greenbelt. Stores like Watsons, SM Department Stores, Shopwise, Rustan's Supermarket are the key accounts. That was pretty cool. For the next day, we went to the wet markets, sari-sari stores, drugstores, small pharmacies in Antipolo, Marikina and Rizal. It was tiring. Unlike the day before, we were walking in air-coniditioned malls so I didn't really feel the heat. Worse, when we were in the wet market, it rained. So we were walking in the stinky, muddy streets. The day after that, we went to the key accounts again in Ortigas. Got to go to Megamall and Shangri-La. After the storechecks, we got to see the promo-girls meeting and the promodizers meeting. The field work really opened my eyes to what's going on in the business. I've a new found respect for sales people, promo girls, promodizers and all the people in between whom the consumers don't get to see and appreciate when they're shopping.

Another fun thing happened to me that week. Since Kris Aquino is the endorser of Kissa Papaya, we got to go to the launch of Deal or No Deal. All the sponsors were invited for that launch so it was a special game. The game we watched won't be televised. I have to say, the game is really exciting. It's based on pure luck. When I watched, the woman who played won P201,000. Lucky lucky lucky!!! Being part of the special audience that the network clearly loves, we got to keep laptop bags. It may not be shock proof but it's free, I took it!

Wednesday last week was Therine's despedida party. Marga, Ida and Abby came. I finally got to talk to Teng after a long time. She's moving to Canada. She was there last year and she knows how to commute..as in take the bus in Canada. And she did door to door selling, tele marketing...all that!!! My gosh. I really don't know Teng anymore, I guess. My picture of her is still the sweet, charming, clumsy and naive girl. Hehe. But all in all, she's still Teng...she's still sweet and charming..a little clumsy, but she has matured a lot. So I still love her..and yes I did cry (I'm a frikking crybaby).. I don't even know why! Haha! Yeahh...I'll still miss her.

Saturday last week, we had the "iv-2 Reunion." Class reunion with only 5 people attending. Haha! It was funny. I've been pressing my dad to go to Manila Pen and spend the night there with my mom that night because I wouldn't want them hearing all the noise that we'd be making. I'd really hateit if my dad sees me drunk with my friends. But no...that didn't happen. I've been texting the girls and they kept saying they'de go. I even arranged the transportation so they won't have a problem going here. But everyone had their excuses and I can't help that. I didn't wanna cancel the party so I pushed through with it anyway. Shi, Cez, Tal, Nina and I had our bonding session. They're my new barkada! Hahaha! We spent the night watching PBB while eating all the chips I bought and drinking gin pomelo and pineapple-Red Horse-gin..oh and yeah the San Mig Light. Haha. We didn't get drunk. We were talking so much about our lives, non-existent love lives, other people's lives and love lives, politics, religion, showbiz chismis local and imported, sleeping problems, dreams, boys, tomboys, girls, family, the future, the past and the present. So I guess that covers pretty much everything. We talked all night til we dropped..literally. Although we planned on taking a swim early morning the next day, we didn't wake up on time. They didn't wanna get dark so maybe next time, girls!!! Hehehe. I had a blast with the girls. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

This week, I got my laptop. Yes..it's very new, very white and very clean. Nobody with dirty hands can touch this!!! If you feel like picking your nose, do it 20 feet away from it, wash your hands before touching it, use hand sanitizer..whatever you have to do for your hands to be germ-free! Haha! The next day, Mom and Dad flew to Shanghai, China. I wanted to go with them but I told them too late. I wasn't able to get a Visa. Aww mehn! So anyway, they'll be back tomorrow. Mom told me she wasn't able to go shopping because they had a tour and it's difficult for them to go around. There's no shuttle and the taxi drivers can't speak English. She said she'll try though. She has to!!! Everything's cheap there! Hehe!

That leaves me to today... went to the office and did "office work." Of course for this week, I was excited to go home to explore my laptop...and I guess this has been a very long entry... I'm really enjoying typing mehn...ENOUGH!! This is driving me crazy! iLove Apple!!! Woohooo!!!

87

2006-06-01T00:05:00.000+08:00

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 80
movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've
seen.There are 167 movies on this list. Put your
score in header and repost:

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x ) Pirates of the Caribbean
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
( ) my first mister
( x) the virgin suicides

Total: 4/11

( ) The Princess Bride
(x) AnchorMan: The Legend of Ron Burgandy
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
(x) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

Total: 8/12

(x) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp

Total: 6/11

(x) Harry Potter
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil I
( ) Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch

Total: 9/10

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(x) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots

Total: 6/10

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG

Total: 8/12

(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber

Total: 9/14

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
(x) The Whole Nine Yards

Total: 4/9

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
(x) the Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask

Total: 8/14

(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Se7en
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
( ) Identity
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown

Total: 5/13

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss' Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
( ) Frailty
(x) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2

Total: 4/12

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) Terminator 2

Total: 5/12

(x) X-Men
( ) X2
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Others
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of fire
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) Cruel Intentions 3
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2

Total: 12/15

(x) Swimfan
( ) Miracle
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
(x)Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old-virgin

Total: 7/10

My Parents' KOKAKs.

2006-05-25T13:58:00.000+08:00

Last weekend, as Bob Pataki would say it, I had "quantity time" with my parents. Saturday, I went with them to Kuya Nono's new condo unit in Malayan. TriShark came but they had to leave right after talking with the designer to look for Tricia's own home. I had lunch with them, Tita Bing and her husband. Dad kept talking about "Jesus The Man" and compared it to the Da Vinci Code. Him talking it over lunch for the nth time was tiring for me. I got bored out my wits. Then Mom wanted to go to Mega Mall for the furniture exhibit. They're looking for furniture for the Shark's condo.

We get there and there was nothing to see but crap. Out of nowhere, I hear a frog croaking. WTF is a frog doing in a mall?! I got jumpy and I looked around and there was nothing there..DUH. Then I see a man playing with a wooden frog and he was making the sound. My Dad got interested, of course and looked for the line of wooden frogs layed out on a table and started playing with EACH ONE of the 15 wooden frogs and even closed his eyes as he listened to the sounds. He finally got the 3 wooden frogs with the best sound. I tried to stop myself from laughing but I was unsuccessful. It was soo funny. He said that he and mom would be playing it that night by the pool to relax themselves. Hahahaha!!!

So where are my parents' toys now? One is in the guest CR. While you're sitting on the throne, feel free to play with it and I guarantee you'd feel like royalty after. The other one is outside, by the pool and the third one is on a table in the stairs. True enough, my parents play with them once in a while. My Mom would go out by the pool and with a big smile on her face, play with KOKAK.

3 KOKAKS = P95
Seeing the weirdos play with it = PRICELESS!!!

High School Reunion

2006-05-21T20:47:00.000+08:00

I was really excited about the batch party. I haven't seen iv-2 people since I can't remember when. It's just really sad that I wasn't able to fully enjoy myself. Firstly because I wasn't feeling very well. Frikking asthma is killing me. As for the party itself, well..there's no reason in pointing fingers at anyone. It's enough for me to know that a lot of people enjoyed themselves. I'm just pissed at myself I guess for worrying too much. Although the resto cost was covered, I dunno how the hell I'm gonna pay my mom yet for the tickets and I don't wanna ask for money from those people again because I'm almost completely sure they can't come up with it. Hayyy...

But anyway, I missed iv-2 and it was a joy to see the girls again. I came in late because of "busy-ness," but I was actually early. It was a good thing. I was welcomed by the early birds of iv-2: Gabo, Trista, Shi, Tal, Cez, Tish and Nina. Hearing those girls screaming my name was a thrill. We updated ourselves of what's happening with us and other people. Most of them have graduated already. Some are working, others are bums. As the time passed, more people came. Cliques started to reunite. Bethany and Nash came with huge barkada. It's fun to watch their barkada. They're all loud and they're all funny. Their barkada was distributed among all the sections and I guess, they were responsible for spreading the love. Iv-2 as always will remain together, through thick and thin...just the way it should be, if you ask me.

Seeing my batchmates for the first time in almost 5 years was..hhmm.. *I don't think I'll have the right word for this!* .. interesting? People change, yes and it's fun to see those changes physically. Girls who were tomboys in high school changed. Some of them are now girly-girls and some of them have completely transformed themsleves into Butches. Nerds brought their boyfriends with them. Some are already famous. Some have developed their fashion sense. While all these changes have happened, generally, we're all still the same. Pffffttt.. I'm not in the mood to be profound tonight so... bleh. Haha!

I'll just leave it at that.

Summer's OVER!

2006-05-18T13:38:00.000+08:00

It is over (although PAGASA says it's not). The storm took away all my summer energy and has made me sick. Grr.. But it's all good. I'm just sitting back because I'll be in my OJT soon. Hayyy...

For the past days, I've stayed at home and:

1. I've watched all the movies I bought in Tower Records: In Good Company, The Family Stone, Philadelphia, Dirty Dancing, The Perfect Man, and then there's the internet downloads: 3 latest episodes of The OC, One Tree Hill and Prison Break. Not to mention the movies we watched in ATC...Poseidon and MI3.

2. I've read 2 books. I was bored out of my mind and I've seen all the videos here at home so I decided to go to Ate Erin's mini-library of chick lit. I reached out for Louise Bagshawe's Venus Envy. It was funny. I really enjoyed it. When Ate Erin came back from the US though, the first thing she gave me was: ROMANTIC FICTION (I forgot the author's name and I'm not in the mood to go all the way up to my room to find out..hehe). She told me I would love it and I did. It was soooo funny. I had a headache when I was reading it but it was too good to put down. I was laughing so hard that even if I was coughing and laughing at the same time, I didn't care. I was sneezing all day long and who knows what was coming out of my nose and mouth I just didn't give a shit. I've started reading Cecelia Ahern's PS I Love You but it's supposed to be depressing so I'm putting it on hold just like I've put Unbearable Lightness of Being on hold (hmm..I've forgotten the story already so I'd have to start all over again if I'm to continue with it!). I decided not to continue The Devil She Knows (another by Bagshawe), because like Venus Envy and all her other books, it's about socialites...and...I've had enough of that. I mean, I read Bryanboy's blog and it's making me more stupid, although I think he's hilarious. There's also another book I am not done reading yet. It's the book I bought a month ago, Branded. I'm reading it to enrich my Marketing knowledge. Hehe. It's some kinda documentary type. It's interesting but it's like I'm reading a textbook for school. Bleh..

3. I am now officially addicted to IRON CHEF AMERICA. Zaza bought a Seasons 1 and 2 and I can't get enough of it. It's just...intense, as Zaza would put it. I don't think I will learn how to cook from watching the show, though. I have a crush on the master though. "AYEEE CUISINE!!" Is that what he says? I'm not sure. Sounds like! Hehe!!!

4. I don't get tired of re-runs. In a week, I watch the following shows more than once: Amazing Race (THE HIPPIES WON!!!), Seinfeld, Project Runway, The Biggest Loser, American Idol, Ellen, Ambush Makeover...and who knows what else.

I AM A BUM!!!

Anyhoo...a few weeks ago, I saw that picture and wow..this was just so perfect for me! Dontchathink? But honestly? I don't care. I've a theory though. Unless I overcome my fear of frogs (as in the literal frog, the amphibian), I won't be able to find THE one. It's a funny thought because I will FOREVER be scared of frogs. HA HA HA!

Bohemian Is Not Dead...

2006-05-10T15:25:00.000+08:00

I'm bored with my life. I wonder how many people are as bored as I am. I've been "working," if you call it that and I'm really glad I'm doing something. Sure, I enjoy it and I think I'm good at it too. In the end, I'm glad I was able to put a good show and then I'd have to do it all over again.

I know, I'm to blame with this boredom. And yes, I do feel like I'm missing out on so many things. It's freaky though because it's like I'm getting tired of going out and actually enjoying spending my days at home...watching movies...ALL DAY. The other day actually, Zaza and I bought a bunch of VCD's (they're cheaper and we're not committing piracy) in Tower Records. I was really happy about that. At least now, I didn't have to wait for a good movie in HBO or Star Movies or Cinemax. For a few weeks now I think I have been in denial. I said I've closed that book already but it's all coming back. It's probably RENT or this showbiz filled summer... EWAN!!!

I think it's about time I write that frikking story or it'll forever haunt me.

Palawan!!!

2006-05-04T22:41:00.000+08:00

If you live in the Philippines, you have got to got to got to got to got to got to visit Palawan. I can't believe it! My family loves travelling and it was our first time to go there. It was unbelievable!!! It's just B-E-A-utiful. Got to see the crocs (big ones and small ones), bearcats, ostrich, fed the schools of fishes, saw mangroves, monkeys, bats, monitor lizards, giant mosquitos... it was amazing. Wahh!! I won't be able to describe it and give it justice..so you just have to go there and see it for yourself. Or...you can watch Living Asia. My family's gonna be appearing there. Haha.

Yes..it was a very nice place but I'm a city girl so our 4 days, 3 nights stay there was just perfect.

First day: Half day city tour. That's when we got to see the Crocs. My dad almost got bitten by a small croc. They were scary. Well, first of all they're lizards. I hate reptiles and amphibians. I'm scared and disgusted with them..but they're very very nice creatures. So there we were in the area where there were a thousand crocs in different tubs..then my dad, as always would fool around... Crocs stares are really scary..I didn't have the guts of looking at them in the eye cos those little creatures really looked like they were gonna eat me..and my dad...my crazy dad goes to a tub full of 1 and a half year old of crocs (they were about 15 inches)..

Dad: Why are you looking at me like that? YOU DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!
*he even points at the croc and lowers his head on the tub..
then KABOOM! the croc jumps and was an inch close of biting off my dad's nose.

Haha.. I screamed of course then laughed so hard..

Then we went to the big crocs...the smell was just awful. There were hundreds of them in there and although I was around 20 feet above them..I felt like they were capable of jumping that high and get me. Haha..

The Crocodile Farm also preserved a lot of animals. There were eagles, ostrich, bearcats. But those were the only animals we saw.

After that, we went to Baker's Hill. Not much to see but the vintage statues of Marilyn Monroe, a pirate and some cartoony stuff. Bought C2 Green Tea. Ahhhhh!!!

We went to a small weaving factory where Calvin Klein was said to have been ordering his placemats. It was a nice place. It employs around 50 people from as young as 13 years old to as old as 70 year old, with around 20 weaving machines. The workers probably take turns. Some of them were sleeping on the floor. It was very "third world," shall I say. It was like a small sweat shop. My mum bought table runners, place mats, I bought pasalubongs which cost P5. Neat!

Then we went to this really nice place with cool artworks and giant kois. Merrienda was served there and chilled for about an hour.

Dinner in Badjao. The place was also very nice. It was a giant bahay kubo and it served delicious sea food. The background music was just terrible. Nakaka-empacho. Haha. Fast music and eating just doesn't work...

Second day: Woke up at 7 in the morning for breakfast and preparation for our Honday Bay Tour. We rode a boat that showed the dFirst stop was Snake Island. It was glorious. White sand beach and the perfect place for snorkelling. That's where we got to feed those fishes. We snorkelled probably around two hours.

Then another boat ride that dropped us off in Pandan Island. Another snorkelling experience. It was a feast for our eyes. The corals never seemed to end. There were starfishes too. Had lunch there which was also delicious then we chilled for 2 hours. Amazingly, we were able to extend it because TriShark came and they tourguides loved my dad so much that they allowed us to stay a bit longer. Sarrappp!!!

On our boat ride back, the four of us took advantage of the sun and stayed in the view deck and had our own photo shoot. That was fun. Haha!!!

Washed up and then had dinner in Cafe Arturo. It was a family business...literally! The parents cook, the children serve. I soo loved the food and the place. It wasn't part of the package so if you wanna eat there, you gotta bring extra cash. It was pricey compared to the other restos but it's worth it.

Got back to the hotel and got to see F4 in CNN.. Hahahaha!! Zaza really made sure we won't miss it. Haha!

Third Day: Underground River tour!! Woohoo!!! It was a long drive. We were racing with the other vans. I was asleep more than half the time but the rough road was just too much. Thank goodness for my newly replaced iPod. Haha.

Mayor Hagedorn was there, too. He was on his way to Underground River we found out with the crew of Living Asia. After the boat ride to the river, we waited for around an hour. We watched the Mayor being interviewed when we got to talk to the crew. Then they asked for volunteers who would go in the cave with Mayor. Tricia and Zaza was just soo excited that they raised their hands. They were so excited they didn't get to go in with the Mayor. Haha. It was me, Shark, Mom and Dad. But they just took a shot of us getting out of the cave. Hehe!

Then the 6 of us finally went in (without Mayor), with the 2 Living Asia people on the boat with us. The cameramen rode a separate boat, since a max of 8 people can ride the small boat. They followed us around and we had the tour together with our super funny tour guide named Robin. What we saw in the cave..was...one of a kind. The rock formations were amazing. There was cathedral actually inside. I made a wish of course (as Mayor told me..yeah..close kame). There were formations of The Virgin Mary, The Holy Family, Jesus right were there formed a dome. It really was like a cathedral. There were swallows flying around. One fell on the water that the tourguide caught and we got to touch. There were also rock formations of an eagle, a naked woman named Sharon Stone, a giant jelly fish, a castle, there was even a highway...I forgot the others but there were so many! Then there were the millions of bats. A lot flying around, a lot were sleeping. Robin showed us how dark it was there. He asked for the flash lights to be shut off for 5 seconds and it was frikking creepy. One can't see a thing inside. It was very very very very dark. "Nakakita ka na ba ng wala?" Robin asked us. Yun!! Yun ang wala!!!

After that, another boatride to Sabang Beach for lunch. Great lunch, fantastic view! There were waves finally! (There weren't any in Pandan and Snake Island). Then Mike Marasigan of Living Asia asked us if we're going to the mangroves. It wasn't included in the tour but we wanted to go. So we talked with our tour guide and arranged the mangrove tour. It was a 15 minute walk from the beach. So after having our lunch, we started to walk. It was frikking hot but it was all good! I wanted to see those mangroves. We got there and we arranged for our tour. We looked around the place and there were thousands of tiny mudfishes jumping around. At first I thought they were frogs cos Shark said they were frogs.. Ewww! Then I looked closely..they were mudfishes. It was still disgusting. Hehe. Our paddleboat was finally ready and we started with the tour. The water was dark (it was a mix of fresh and salty water). And I've no plans of swimming in there. No way. We were like in the Amazon...as in like the Anaconda movie. So the tourguide told us the importance of mangoves and the different animals in there when he saw a snake. It was a striped yellow and black snake. It was poisonous. There were 3 snakes, actually on a tree we passed. I made a jerking movement that just rocked the boat and it scared me. I knew I wouldn't drown because we had life vests and we all knew how to swim. I'm just not gonna swim in there. Not in a million years!! Then on my side..again!! Shark saw a frikking monitor lizard that jumped to the water. Wahhh!!! Another reason why I'm never gonna swim in that water. Haha. Then we saw the mangroves. The video cam was running out of battery and it was drizzling, but thank goodness I was able to shoot a video of that place. Then it started to pour. The tourguide even started to sing. It was beautiful song about mangroves in the tune of Paro-Parong Bukid. But the rain was starting to freak me out. It was really pouring! My thought was..we were far from the where we came..there were monitor lizards, and snakes swimming around the water and we might sink if it doesn't stop!! Haha..thank goodness I saw the bridge where we came from a few minutes after. Whew!!!

I immediately ran to the hut and I had to make sure the video cam, my iPod and the cellphones in my back pack didn't get wet. Then we started to head towards Sabang beach. It was raining but it was okay because at least it wasn't hot and we had fun playing in the rain. We started to run towards the beach and when we reached the beach, we bathe in the sea and enjoyed the waves for a few minutes. We had to go back of course, so after washing up, we headed back to the hotel. We stopped over the Vietnamese Village for merrienda.

For dinner, we went to Ka Lui. Again, it was an exquisite place with good food. That was our last dinner in Puerto Princesa.

Next morning, we went home.

Our trip to Palawan was the best. It was the Ultimate PaX (Palawan eXperience)!!! But that was just Puerto Princesa. Next stop: BUSUANGA!! Woohoo!!!

Pictures are in my multiply site. :)

Blog Time

2006-04-28T10:59:00.000+08:00

I dunno if I'm really in the mood for blog time..but I'm doing what I can to kill time. We're about 15 hours away from flying to Palawan. I can't hardly wait.

So okay... I joined a speech contest, and I personally think that I'm one of the top choices for girls. Haha. Yes, I'm bragging here but the competition is just not that strong. I had to quit though because we're going to Palawan from April29-May2. The contest was April 29-May 3. It may be a bad call on my part, but I just feel that they were so unprofessional to expect us to be available whenever they need us to be. They didn't tell us the schedule ahead of time. Pffffttt. Goodbye to the P50,000. Ohwell. But it's all good. Palawan here I come!!!

A few weeks ago, my creative juices were overflowing. I just didn't have pen and paper with me. Dang. I had an idea for a sitcom or a movie. Shit. I don't wanna spill the beans yet on what it's about but...shit!!! Maybe on my trip to Palawan, I'll be able to remember what I was thinking.

Last week was quite hectic. I've been going back and forth to TRG for the speech thing. Part of the screening was for us to "apply for a Call Center Agent job." It was a piece of cake. I realized though, how hard it is to look for jobs, nowadays. I was able to talk with some of the job applicants while waiting. Some of them were newly grads, while some of them are already old. Oh life. It was a good experience all in all.

I also met up with Ted and Jam for our plans for the prod. Blah blah. I don't wanna talk about it.

Freshcapades. I'm so happy my friends came but I was really happy to see Cez and Tal. I've missed them so much. Hayy... We ended up being Bamboo groupies. Haha. I love it. We're always together in our groupie adventures: F4, Backstreetboys, Incubus and Hoobastank (with Abby), and now by accident, Bamboo. Haha.

Tal, Cez, Abby, Ida, Marga and me

That night, Abby and Ida went home with me. The next day, we had a Prison Break marathon that I'm currently obsessing about. We woke up at lunch time and didn't take a bath until 6pm because it was soooo good. It's a smart thriller. I just can't get enough of it. I'm done with all 19 episodes and waiting for the next one (I caught up on what's airing in the US now). And it's not just because Wentworth Miller is hot. Haha! Anyhoo, after that, we went to Corik's then Saguijo. It was a fun night.

I love Wentworth Miller. He is frikkin hot. Okay.. I did little research on him: he's 33 years old, single, a Princeton graduate (he's smart! you'll know actually by just listening to him talk), multiracial (Is of African, Jamaican, English, German, French, Dutch, Syrian and Lebanese descent and finally, he has one eye that is a different color than the other. His left eye is green while his right eye is hazel. That's all I know. Hahaha. Okay..here's the pic so you'll know what I'm talking about. Haaaayyyy...

Bored to Death...

2006-04-17T11:13:00.000+08:00

This will be the third week of me doing nothing...

I'm just not in the mood to even update my blog..but here goes...

Holy Week was OOOOOOKKKAAAYYYY. Our trip to supposedly to Macau then Hong Kong then Korea then Pagudpod ended up at home. Sheesh. Life's a bitch. But ohwell.

Monday, I stayed at home and bummed. Worked out a bit. Watched LOTR, The Fellowship of the Ring, Extended Version.

Tuesday, the continuation of the LOTR saga. Two Towers.

Wednesday, stayed at home again. I didn't know what to do so I jogged, did pilates and then went swimming. That would be good, but I ate so much that all the work I did were useless.

Thursday, I went to Quezon City. Met up with Marga, Toni and Abby then went to STC. Hayy.. I missed STC. Going back was fun. The teachers didn't change one bit. They're still the teachers who punished us with loads of homeworks and quizzes. It was fun seeing them again. They kept praising us and telling us they're so proud of us, wishing us luck in our future endeavors. Hayy..STC. Then we took a picture of the board where Ate Joan was being congratulated for being the bar topnotcher. Hayy.. Theresians..we're all just brilliant. Then Marga, Abby and I went to Greenhills. We're just happy that Marga could use her car so we went for a little roadtrip. We were supposed to catch a movie but my mom had to go home so we just ate in CPK. Sarrap! Marga was a little scared driving home so I drove us home. Saya ng may koche talaga. Thursday night, went to Saguijo with Zaza. Got a little drunk. I mean...wtf was I gonna do?! Sheesh. I'm actually getting tired of the whole indie music scene. Hearing that kind of music every weekend is driving me crazy. Met the Rodriguez boys and all the other "boys" and weren't really in the mood for any of that. Bleh.

Friday. Bisita Iglesia. First time we did this in our family history. I didn't object to it because I wanted to get out of the frikkin house. It turned out to be quite fun. Saw all those churches I've never been to and it was a learning experience. My dad knows so much so he became our tour guide. He knew all the stories of the churches we visited. It's ironic that I've never gone to those churches. My favorite, I have to say is the San Sebastian Church, which was designed by Mr. Eiffel. Yes..that dude who did the Eiffel Tower in Italy. I bet you didn't know that, huh? It was amazing. Then went to Dampa for dinner. I ate soooo much I couldn't breathe.

Saturday. Haayyy!!! Went to ATC to watch Tristan and Isolde. It was an OOKKKAAAYYY movie. I wasn't moved or anything. I dunno why. Saw Bryanboy, by the way. Haha!!! He was cute with his LV bag. Blah.

Sunday. Easter Sunday. Went to The Rositas in Ayala Greenfields and their huge mansion. Played In Between with my sisters, Tricia, my mom and Tita Chona and Mama. Won 35 bucks. It was fun. Then played the Family Computer. It was funny. I missed B-Wings. B-Wings without the wings looked like a frikking penis. Amazing how phallic symbols are everywhere and we don't even know it. Then went home.

Now it's Monday. I'm doing nothing again. Shit. It's course card day. I'm not getting mine because I'm not in the mood. Hahhh! So I'll play tennis in the club instead. Bleh...

Promotions

2006-04-12T10:35:00.000+08:00