I'm empty again

I know I think too much..but man...it's happening again... I tried to listen to Hale over and over, I checked out people's pictures and profiles in Friendster and Multiply, read other people's blogs but it's just not enough. "Happiness is a state of mind," Sugar told me yesterday. Yes I believe in that. People choose to be happy, so now..I choose not to be.

I wanna be alone to just think and do nothing. My beloved iPod is my companion in all this and I'm glad it's with me. I wanna see my friends so I could temporarily shut these thoughts off but after that, what? I dunno...it'll all come back.

Then I remembered Max. Found my brother's blog..and read his entry about Max. I miss Max. Maybe it's really my fault why he died.

I wanna go away, even for just a day by myself. Go to the beach and stay there all day. I wanna see the sunrise, the changing of the tides, feel the cool water and fine sand on my feet, stay on a shade while watching happy people with their friends, families or loved ones, wait and watch for the sunset and for the moon, lie on the sand under the stars... maybe after all that I'll have an enlightenment or something. Heh!