Numb

Last Sunday, we were talking about love being blind. I believe in the contrary and my siblings, particularly my brother and my younger sister started looking at me as if I was a kid believing in Santa Claus. They insisted love is really blind. I decided to just drop it. We all have our own opinions anyway, and I wasn't in the mood to argue.

Take it right there. That was bizarre. My younger sister was lecturing me about love, telling me what reality is. She has fallen in love, I have not. Yes, I am a romantic and an idealist. I am inexperienced on that field. I have never felt romantic love and I base everything from the books I read and the movies I'm fond of watching so much. As much as I want all that to happen to me, I'm firmly rooted on the ground and I know those are just stories. Stories to make women cry. Stories to make people like me hopeful. Heh!

I may be naive when it comes to love and relationships. But here's what I know. Giving someone your heart is a big thing. Especially if it's for the first time. You're excited that finally, someone you thought you've been waiting for all your life has finally come. The thought of that person makes your heart beat a little faster. But at the same time, it's a risk a person takes because you're allowing that person to hurt you too. For girls though, it gets a little tricky. We always assume the guy's THE ONE. Feelings aren't very accurate. It usually betrays a person because it stops that person from using their head. And when she's hit with the reality and what seems to be a fairytale will come out to be the awful truth, her whole world stops and it would take a long time before she recovers.

But is the girl really to blame for using her heart instead of her head? It's difficult to say. I was never faced with that situation. But since I am raised by my parents and I was educated the way I was, I think differently? I dunno. I don't know what to think.
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Krystal and I had our once in a blue moon chat. We didn't schedule it or anything, but it was just perfect timing. After school, I felt really drained mentally and emotionally. There was just so many things in my head and I couldn't concentrate. And I thought that jog in the morning would take it all away. That jog actually just made me think more. Criminy. Anyway, my chat with her was just the distraction I needed. It took my mind off things for a about an hour and a half. We had the talk. The talk that we always have. The talk that only me and her would understand. She totally gets me. I don't have to explain anything because she feels and thinks almost exactly the way I do. I can talk to her about things I never talk with anyone else because it's only with her that I feel comfortable discussing my deepest and shallowest emotions and thoughts and she would always boost my ego. (Jeez..after school? My confidence level was 6 feet under. It was that bad.) With her, I'd always feel I'm not totally crazy for thinking and feeling the way I do because I know she feels exactly the same. We're sane because of one another and I'm sure we'll soon look back on all this and thank God for having each other.
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Call me evil...but I'm soooo annoyed with this guy. I hate seeing his face, but to think he's not doing anything. I'm just pissed at him.
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This day is one of those days when I hate myself. I've let myself down. Grr!