I hate my asthma

I've had this asthma since I was little and I've always hated it! Well of course there were the times when I faked my asthma to skip school..but that's sooo not the point! All that I am now is actually a useless person who just wastes my parents' money by just staying at home and not even looking for a job (well...I can argue with that..but still not the point) so I'm basically just existing, and part of this existing thing that I'm doing is breathing and I can't fucking believe I'm even having a hard time doigng it!!! What's up with this shit?!

I'm not trying to get back in shape so at least my existence wouldn't be so bad. I'm back on the treadmill and I'm trying to live a healthy life because you know, I will not just be existing soon..I've had a lot of things in mind that I want to do and to accomplish. For one, I'm playing tennis again...since I haven't held a racket for more than a year, I suck and worse, I try catching my breath every what..10 minutes?! Sheessshhh. I think my asthma has gone from bad to worse. I haven't really had asthma attacks that were so bad they had to bring me to the hospital, THANK GOD!, but still I'm afraid that as I get older, the more difficult it is for me to deal with it. I got sick 2 weeks ago and although I'm feeling better, my breathing is still not back to normal. There's fucking phlegm stuck in my throat and no matter how hard I cough and try to get it out..it's still there. I have to clear my throat every fucking minute just to get it out of the way. I HATE IT!!! I can't even sing along my Kelly Clarkson songs because of it. Shit!

I'm totally bitching again...and why not?! Christmas is coming, I don't have money, I won't be giving and receiving gifts, my forehand sucks, I can't sing at the top of my lungs, I'm jobless, I have a fucking mullet and I have asthma!!!!!!!!!!!