Summer Vacation '04

Oh God it's Thursday already!!! I can't believe this. On Monday I'll go back to school and "learn"... whatever that means. It's not that I don't like school. I like going to school..at times. It's just that this summer's been great. That's an overstatement I guess. Well, I've been going to a lot of places with my friends and it's amazing. Actually going to beaches with my friends and family are the only thing great about this summer. And probably the national elections. (Hello..I'm a first time voter. I was excited). Other than that, I've practically seen all the TV shows there is on the planet. Everyday's a routine for me. And it's really boring. Really boring. I don't even get to dress up or anything anymore. Actually, there's really nothing to do. As usual, I've planned ahead: driving, tennis, and summerjob. Haha. That was my plan last year too! Hahaha. Except for the summerjob. I just wanna have my own money since my parents are never giving me money anymore and since there's no school, I don't have my daily allowance. Well Ida suggested this summer job in Caliraya. The summer camp for kids. Which is great actually. P500/day. Not bad at all. It's like you get paid to have a vacation. I really don't know why I didn't do it. Maybe I just didn't like Tita Estee so much. She's the wife of the owner of the island. When we went there for vacation, I really didn't have a very good vibe with her. I dunno what exactly..but I just didn't like the idea of working for her. And Ida didn't call me about it! Well it was stupid of me. I mean it's not like I'd be around Tita Estee all the time, right? Tita Vicky, Ida's mom will be there and Ida will be there! Bad idea. I should have called her or something. If I did, I'd have 3000 bucks by now. Really stupid of me.

I really hate this feeling. Damn it! It's like there's this timebomb that I just want to stop but can't. I don't wanna go to school yet! For the reason that I really do not have a course yet..and my parent's are not aware of it. My course is originally Economics-Accounting. Double degree. Amazing, huh? Well that's what everybody thinks. But I don't. Taking that course was like hanging my self. When I was really young, I wanted to be this bigtime lawyer making lotsa money. In high school, I felt like it wasn't for me. I tried out for the debating team and I sucked. Really sucked. I wasn't accepted. That was like the first stab for me. And then from there, I was beginning to question if I really wanted to be a lawyer. But everyone around me was like expecting me to be one. From my parents to my grandparents to my tito's and tita's. Heck even my parents' friends. So I sort of tried to convince myself that that's what I was born to become. And everyone's even telling me that being a lawyer suits me perfectly since I'm always arguing, I'm a good speaker and all that crap. The more that I heard my friends and family say that to me, I guess I was blinded in a way. But saying a speech in front of many people didn't thrill me at all. Debating is cool but it didn't excite me the way directing excited me. I've directed all the plays back in high school and they all rocked. I swear. All my classmates could say that. Acting is cool too but directing was way better. Telling clueless people what to do is really fun and I saw sense in motivating people to go out in the stage and conquer their fear. I mean everyone gets stage fright. Everyone! The stage is a wonderful place to be. I've seen shy people and I mean really shy people and once I bring that inner craziness in them..or I just intimidate them too much that they had to act or else..hehe... Well the stage is the place to be really. Once you're there, just do what you have to do, say the line you have to say and everything will fall into place..the lights, the music and then just wait for the applause. Well my life's been a stage I guess...I've been doing what's been told of me. But in the middle of my line, I screwed up and the lights didn't turn out right, the music got too loud and I hear no applause. BUT! The curtains are up, I'm still on stage and I still have the chance to redeem myself..I guess we'll see. At this point..I still don't know what to do.

So I've been trying to get out of my course. It's really hard for me. I'm a huge disappointment to my parents since they're expecting so much from me and I've been letting them down really. But continuing with my course will just disappoint them more. I mean I suck at accounting and math..why the hell did I take up that freaking course! So I tried shifting to Marketing. I feel that it suits me more. But I was fucking rejected. I took the test and I didn't make it to the required grade..I think by 2 points. Shit. And I haven't told my parents. I'm so delayed. Zaza would even graduate before I do. My life is just a mess right now. Well as of now..not yet..since I'm on vacation. And I know perfectly well that when I go back to school and I'd file my shifting application, I'll be doomed. So fucking doomed.

But I'm trying not to think about that yet. This summer, I've gone to Bohol, Caliraya and Subic. On Saturday, my family and I are going to Kalatagan. And I'll go surfing! Oh yes. Surfing is one of my dreams. I want to be sporty and I want an extreme sport and surfing's exactly what I want. I just love the beach. Snorkelling and seeing that world is just fascinating. I've actually seen Nemo and Marlyn. In Bohol. I swear I saw 2 clown fishes hiding in this huge coral. One's big and the other one's small. Perfect. It's Nemo and Marlyn. I also saw the "deep blue sea". That's what Dad called it. The big blue. It's really scary. When I saw it, I just panicked. You can't see the bottom of the ocean. It's all blue. I imagined all sorts of things like sharks, killer whales. And the scariest part is that the current is dragging you to that part. My favorite part in the Bohol trip is when we went boating. It was dawn. We woke up at 5am. The sun hasn't risen yet and the sea was so calm. Looking at the horizon it was like nothing was dividing the sky from the water. What's so amazing was that in the east, the sun was beginning to rise but in the west, the moon was still up in the sky. Wow. That time, I told myself what a stupid person I was doubting God for all the shit that happened to me. It was such a beautiful and peaceful sight and it just sort of hit me right in the head. Then we saw dolphins. Wild dolphins! Wow. I was literally jumping for joy.

Summer vacation's also a time for me to read. Well I've been such a bum that I read only 2 books. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown and Can You Keep a Secret by Sophie Kinsella. Both are fun books to read. The Da Vinci Code is just amazing. Once you start reading it, you get hooked immediately. And I've learn a lot too. I mean it wasn't God that I was doubting. It was the Catholic Church. Reading TDVC had a huge impact on me and I prefer to believe what it says there than what te Catholic Church has been teaching me for 19 years. It was filled with so many mysteries and action. I found myself trying to solve the puzzles in it and I got a few right answers! Really nice. Can You Keep A Secret on the other hand, is one of those romantic novels I like to read. It makes me feel hopeful at the same time sorry for myself. Hehe. But I just love British humor. It's very light, no brainer but really entertaining.

Looking back at Summer Vacation '04...it was a good break. I had a good time hanging out with the goddesses, spending time with my family and thinking about a lot of things. It may not seem like it, but I've done a lot of thinking. Really. I started to write this story. For some reason I was inspired to start the story that I'd be making for my first film. Haha. I like that. My first feature film. It's a story about a girl. Maybe it's about me and my pathetic life. I'm actually thinking of making a series. The Dawson's Creek type..but it's not about exchaning boyfriends, sex or anything like that. About teenage life that I'm soon to leave. (Wow...in less than 8 months, I'd be 20!). With a different story. I'm just so tired of those stories. But then again, I'm not a very good writer. Maybe this will just be one of those plans I have like the driving and tennis lessons I've been trying to have since last year. Hehe..