Not My Problem!!!

Spent the whole day today downloading and listening to RENT music. I love it. Viva La Vie Boheme!

My sister, who is beside me is watching a documentary about Andy Warhol on her laptop. Pretty intriguing, that artist. I find his work revolutionary, really..even before. But watching this documentary opened my eyes to who he truly is. He found art in everything and now, art is everywhere. I mean, take a look at the Campbell's Soup Can. Now, who would have thought that something as boring as a can, can be soo...extraordinary. Pretty cool. That's marketing right therem don't you think? Making business look beautiful, and in fact to him, business is the highest form of art. O diba?
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A few more weeks, and I'm done. I just can't wait. YEAH!!! Oh criminy, I would pass all of my subjects this term, right?! I HAVE TO!!! I don't even care anymore about my grades. My college life is about to come to an end, and I can't wait. Weird, really because I've no idea what I wanna do after.

I can't believe I'm even talking about what I'll be doing after before everything's done. Got into a pretty messy situation with the thesis group, but what can I do? Life's filled with choices and I can't just pass that one up.

First term, a friend (I dunno if he still considers me a friend after what I did..what I did? Coming up in a bit..), asked me to be his groupmate for thesis. I knew he wasn't really the smartest but I didn't know him that well. Considering he made it to the dean's list for the first term (for the first time, too), I thought..well..he's probably okay. He told me he already have two other people in the group and I've no idea who they were. Second term, I met that other guy and he seems okay, too. The three of us were classmates in one class but I wasn't with them in the group because I was with my original group (the ones I'm classmates since I started Marketing). In the course of the second term, we became really good friends, I guess because we were seatmates in one of our classes. He intro'd me to his friend and although we never really talked a lot, I was friendly to him and he was too, with me. Everything seems okay. I guess, I agreed to be their thesismate then. We acted like we were, he even had this term for our group, "core." It was funny. And I referred to "us" as the core. "Friend" would always ask me for help for our homeworks and since we were "the core," I thought it was my responsibility to help them. And we would be IM-ing every time there is a homework for Markpro. Now that I've analyzed everything, he was totally dependent on me. DAMN IT!!! I mean, he would ask ever so nicely to copy paste my work and he would swear he'll just use it as basis. But now that I'm thinking about it, it was all MY ideas. He didn't really contribute anything. Well, he would entertain me with his jokes. That helped me to stay up all night, I guess. So anyway, at that time, it didn't seem to be a big deal. Then I heard their group report. It wasn't very impressive. I questioned my decision. But I thought, what the hell. Thesis is a million miles away. I let it slide.

Then there was Green Evo. Friend was supposed to be my Assistant Project Head. Yes. He's from JEMA. In JEMA, he wasn't really the most productive. His VP and AVP would always tell me he's useless. But given that he was 'working with me" for Green Evo, I defended his ass, all the time. I told them he works hard (although the org didn't feel his presence). And now that I'm only typing these words, I'm realizing, DAMN IT!!! I did so many things for him!!! So anyway, to cut it short, he was a pain during Green Evo. Sure, he got one sponsor (and to think that's his major job). Not to put him down, but I got almost all of the sponsors, and met with them (I've asked him a million times to meet the sponsors with me but he always had excuses..I didn't fall for them but what can I do, right?). But for the most part during that project, he wasn't there. He would always whine and complain about my decisions, but he didn't suggest anything better. His suggestions would always give additional expenses, which of course I rejected. And! He wanted to get commission from the sponsor he got. Gawdd. Didn't he understand we have a lot of obligations to pay? And! He wanted to get gift certificates from Levi's. I mean, I would have given him the GC..but the JE's (trainees who wanted to be officers for next school year), who were mostly sophomores did more. I didn't really say anything to him then, until it was 3 weeks before the event. Like everyone else, I asked everyone to man the booth during ticket selling. He went, ONCE. When his friend (who modeled for the fashion show) was there. Duh. And at one point, I was alone in the booth and I saw him in the SJ Walk. He didn't see me. He was gonna pass the booth. I was sure he would just pass by it, and won't even say "hi" to me. I pretended to read something and waited. True enough. When I looked up, he already passed the booth and it was obvious that he walked really fast so I won't see him. So how am I suppose to respond to that?! Those little things just annoyed me to death.

I was sooooo mad at him for doing all those little things during Green Evo. Worse, I heard it straight from his girlfriend that he was spreading rumors about me. His girlfriend!!! (We became close because we were room mates in Bangkok, and she had a lot to say about him, too, by the way). And worse, he kept accusing us of talking behind his back. We talked about him, but not behind his back. There's a huge diff. I mean, can I help it if his girlfriend (make that ex) shares her problems with me? And it just so happened I guess, that her problems were about him. For the most time, I agreed her and that I knew what she was talking about because that's how he acts. And at that time, I told her that I was in fact having doubts about the thesis group. I mean, seeing how he works? I just don't think I'll be able to work like that for one whole term, she understood of course.

Is it wrong for me to judge him for his work (if you call it that), in Green Evo? I don't think so. He always reminded me of the things he did and wanted something in return. And everytime I gave him something to do, he'd go "Bobo ako sa ganyan eh..di ko kaya yan." That excuse is genius, don't you think? Omg, excuses. That's his forte. Once, I asked him to come with me to meet a sponsor. He told me that his family had plans that day and that if I asked him earlier in the week, he would be able to go and that if ever it'd finish earlier, he'll catch up. The next dayr, I chatted with him in YM. I asked him what he did the previous day (you know, the day he had a family thing and the meeting). Turned out he played basketball with the boys because the family thing ended super early. Wow!

So anyway, when we came back from Bangkok, that's when gf told me about the rumors. The rumors weren't true, of course but it just offended me that he would do that. Because he felt humiliated when I shouted at him in front of the team? I shouted at everyone in the team. I wasn't just a bitch to him. I was a bitch to everyone. Sheesh. And he didn't understand that because of his humungous ego. So I confronted him and I told him everything that was bugging me. We even had a long YM session about it. I brought up the thesis group. Then he became all of a sudden nice. He said that it was thesis, and he's gonna be different. Urgh. I felt so used actually, by him. And it's pissing me off for letting that happen.

Then this other guy approached me and asked me if I had a thesis group. I asked him why. They were only 2 in the group. I know both of them. I know how they work. They're good. So I told him I'll think about it. So in short, I've given a lot of thought already and I've decided to leave "the core." It hurts me to do it because I've become so close with those guys. Everything in me tells me to leave them. My friends who are groupmates with Friend is also complaining that he's not doing anything and that it would be better for me to leave. I'm groupmates with him and he's not doing anything! In fact, I found out that my other friend is also having his thesis next term and he doesn't have a group. And he's good!! So I asked him to be our groupmate. I thought to myself, if he agrees, then I'll stay. He was hesitant to join our group. And the reason? "Mukha kaseng SOBRANG SIPAG niya eh." And he was referring to Friend. So that was it. There wasn't any reason to stay. I know I gave them my commitment but it would totally be chaos if I stayed.

So what about that other guy? It'll be hard for me to do this because I gave them my commitment, but I know working with them won't get us anywhere and that other girl they said was in the group, is having her thesis now...psycho. So that other guy begged me to stay. But I have to do what I gotta do. If I stay and work with Friend for our thesis, we'll probably end up killing each other. I sent them a YM message saying I'm sorry but I have to leave and I hope they understand. I'll see Friend tomorrow and I dunno what'll happen. But honestly, I don't care anymore. I just feel bad for leaving that other guy. It's not his fault, really. All I can wish them is good luck. For sure, they're hella mad at me. But what can I do? It's not my fault if a better group wants to work with me, is it? It's not my problem if I don't like the way he works (along with most of our batchmates), is it? My only fault is clearly giving them my word... I feel good that I've finally left that other group (although I don't feel good for doing it to them).

Is it a selfish decision? Hell yeah. It's my frikking thesis and I have to think about myself. All my friends told me that. Now, I have my complete thesis group and I just can't wait to start working with them.

Because contrary to their argument that in real life, you'd have to work with people you don't like, people have choices. And this is what I choose. I choose to work with a team that I know will bring out the best (and not the worst, for that matter) in me.

And he calls it backstabbing. He can call it whatever. I've told him not to take it personally but he did and that's why I'm taking it personally, too. Now that I've cleared my head, and I've fully justified my decision, his problems are not my problems anymore. I'm just glad he's not asking me for CONADEV assignments anymore.