SHUT UP and LISTEN, kid!

I am beginning to believe that parents, intentional or not, fuck their kids' life one way or another. Seriously. I'm not complaining about my parents. They're just like that and I've learned to accept it. Maybe "fuck" is not the right term, but it's all I could think of right now. Maybe "mess up" is also appropriate.

As David said (ohmygod..I can't believe I'm even quoting the cell leader!), "Parents do that with the best of intentions." I know, I know they do.

I can't count the times my Dad told me my thighs were big, or when my Mom said to me that life is not a bed of roses. Recently, my Dad also told me I'm not an entrepreneur, or maybe I don't have what it takes to succeed. Imagine that. My Dad telling me I'm not good enough. Or maybe, that just shows how shallow my Dad knows me. Its hart ya know! But hey, I can't do anything about that. And personally? I'm immuned with it. We've had the conversation about them, being done with me. They've given me everything, educated me, the works and now, they're "done." Tsss... I'm pissed at him comparing me to my sisters and how "maybe" I don't have it in me to be entrepreneural and that "maybe" my heart really belongs to the arts.

Uhhh...that's 4 years too late, Dad. Like any of the hundred arguments I've had with you, I lost that one when I told you I wanted film instead of accounting. That's why I compromised. I'm now a fucking Marketing Management graduate. I've buried my immature dream of becoming a film maker a long time ago, thanks but no thanks. I've deliberately shut down that part of me. Sure, once in a while I think about it, I dream about it and I fantasize that I am going to be one of the greatest film makers, that's one of the things on my mind when I thought I was gonna die, but that's all there is to it. I dunno how to write a screenplay or how what the hell a 9mm is. I don't think I'll ever know and I've no intentions of learning. Not anymore.

Thank God I am good at my "chosen" field. I've learned to love it, despite what my accountant parents thought of it. And please, Marketing isn't just about fucking selling. I can sell anything if I want to, thank you very much. That's how good I am at it. But what the hell. There's no use of arguing anymore. They can think whatever they want to. I can't do anything about that. An explanation to them is just a waste of time. Contrary to THEIR belief, they don't listen. So why bother? I don't even want to start with that "you're not born to be an entrepreneur shit."

I wonder how the fuck I got into all the conerts I went to. I never asked for their money. I justs had the money. I wonder where it all came from. Let's see.. that's 2 P5,000 tickets for 2 F4 concerts, 1 P2,000 (front row, by the way) to the Incubus concert..oh and I loaned Kokoy another P2,000 for that, another P2,000 ticket to the Hoobastank concert and then I also went to the Linkin Park concert. That's another P2,000. That's a lot of money, if you ask me. Maybe I stole them. I mean, I can't possibly have gotten that money from my business! I am not entrepreneur. And besides... I don't think "big."

What else... Sige Prod? Ohh I don't think that as a business. I've had wayyyy too much fun with it. It was just a good excuse for me to party every Saturday night. I got all the support from my siblings, cousins, Tito's and Tita's, and friend. But not from my parents. Maybe it was just too "small" for them.

So yeah...maybe my heart really is in the arts. I can now study film if I want to. Nevermind. I'd just stick to this business thing. It seems to be the best thing for me. But it also seems that I don't have it in me. Now what?! Thanks for making everything so complicated. I'm fucked. It's not their fault because they just wanted the best for me. It's my fault that I am fucked.

I'm done talking to them. I'm tired of it. I talk to them when the conversations make sense: movies, golf, jokes. Other than that? I'm quiet. They told me all I do is talk. I'm an arrogant kid who doesn't listen to her parents. Now is the time for me to shut up and listen.