OHMYGOD THE MOON!

Finally, I've gone to the beach. My beauty marks are now white and I'm black. Huwaw. The highlight of my long weekend was the shrooms. Thanks to the shrooms, I had a good trip that Friday night under the stars and the moon. Oh yes, the moon. I was laying in the sand gazing at the sky waiting for the moon to be exactly above me. Wasn't able to wait for it though. I was feeling so much emotions pero steady lang! I was really really happy because the setting was so perfect and it was simply beautiful. "Shroomtastic!" as Joey describes it. But then it was sad that I was there with those people I barely knew (except of course Jan and Ate Erin). I had a great time, no question but it wasn't as fun as it could have been if my close friends were there. I was quiet most of the time hoping that somehow the shrooms would make it possible for my friends to be there that moment with me, feeling what I'm feeling, or at least they were just there enjoying the night, talking about whatevs. But the shrooms couldn't do that. At least I'm thankful for the temporary happiness and 'highness' it gave me.

March 1. I woke up and I said a little prayer. I'm thankful for the 20 years of life that God has given me. I was already awake and I was just there in my bed pretending I was still asleep when my Dad sang to me, what else, but the "Happy Birthday". I didn't want to wake up just yet. I didn't want to go through this day. Everyone would be greeting me, wishing me things and I didn't want to pretend like I'm happy or anything because I'm not. But oh well. Life is a stage. I really don't know what time I was born so I can't say if I'm still a few hours away before I'm 20, or maybe I already am. Oh well. I'm still not ready for this day, but as Aga told me, I have to face the music. Fine. Literally, I'm not celebrating. I'm not in the mood and I really don't want to. My Dad asked me where we're gonna eat later, but I said we're not going out. I want them to just give me the money for my phone, which is still about 20k short. Then when he got out of my room, I went to the bathroom to take a piss and tears just came out of my eyes. This is sad. I'm crying the morning of my 20th birthday. I just feel guilty that I'm not happy. This day calls for a celebration but the celebrant refuses to party.

Later I'll have a late dinner with The Goddesses, minus Teng and Eboy plus Jet and Gaston. Woohoo. At least. I've missed those girls and there's a lot of catching up to do. I love my girls. Last year, they surprised me when they came here. But today, there'll be no surprise. It's a planned dinner on my birthday, on a school night. How touching. Maybe waiters and waitresses will be singing a birthday song for me or maybe not. Maybe my friends will be singing..but it doesn't matter. I'm just looking forward to tonight.

As for my family, I feel guilty that we're not eating out. We'll just watch a movie. There's a lot of good movies in today, thank goodness.. Who knows, it could be my treat.