Realizations...

I've spent the whole day yesterday thinking thinking thinking. I even watched A Walk To Remember on HBO hoping I'd cry again to let everything out. My eyes have dried up and there's no more tears left to shed. So here are some of my insights of what just happened. As usual, given that it's coming from me they're philosophical and deep. Oh criminy, who am I kidding, they could just be down right stupid and senseless..nevertheless it's from the bottom of my heart.

1. The world is surrounded by evil people. People are such complex individuals. That's why I wanted to study Psychology. I know it's impossible for humans to understand themselves completely, but at least I would have had a glimpse of the answers why people behave the way they do. Kleptomaniacs? Criminy. People are making up excuses for their wrong behaviors...and people find it acceptable! That's how evil people have become.

2. God's constantly playing tricks on us. Power-tripping, probably. Right when you feel like everything's cool and you have everything going for you, God pulls a surprise for you. Tada! It's like, you can never have everything you wish for. Just when you thought you're in Cloud 9, He pulls you back to the ground, back to the painful reality. Take my family for example. This whole situation with Dependable. Start of this year was great. The new office has just been renovated and everything seems to be moving as planned. Then He decides to pull this stunt. We're all shocked to find out about and it's tearing the family apart. I mean, what the fuck is that? I know He gave us free will and all that, but somehow, I'm thinking He planned all this to happen.

3. Everything happens for a reason. This is so cliche, isn't it? But I'm thinking yeah... Like when our house turned to ashes. We moved to a better location, grew stronger as family..yaddi yadda. I can't even imagine how my life would be right now if we're still in Valenzuela. I love that house, but it's a lot better that we're here. Hmmm...so what's gonna happen to me now? Aside from being dead, I dunno. Should I be a social worker now or something? Will my parents still trust me? I know I should be responsible for all the things I do and I will be responsible for this one. I'd still be paying the rest of the balance. My head's been bumped really hard this time. The reason, the reason.. I dunno just yet. I guess I'll have to wait. I'll eventually get through this. It's not one of those things that'll make you laugh when you look back at it. Things happen for a reason and hopefully there are lessons learned.

4. I now believe in Karma. I never believed in Karma before...or I didn't want to believe in Karma since I've been doing a lot of stupid things and I swear it'll never catch up on me. This could be my Karma. I dunno exactly what I did in the past to deserve this. It's really more of a selfish reason, why I believe in Karma. I'm hoping those thieves will get what they deserve. They go to jail, they die a very painful death, they be abandoned by all their loved ones. (And aha! I've proven my first realization.. people really are evil..these are evil thoughts!). I'm also hoping that maybe, I'll get something better soon. Argh. I hate myself. But the fuck am I saying? I'm back where I started. Jeez. I'm trying to brush the thought aside, but it keeps coming back! What a pyscho.

5. Shit happens..again and again. The story of my life. Shit does happen. And it happens all the time. No one escapes shit. Imagine walking down a street. The sun is shining oh so brightly. Not a cloud in sight. While walking, you're listening to your newly bought iPod. Singing, singing your lungs out. You don't care what people would think. You're having the time of your life. You close your eyes, as you continue your walk. Then you step on something. You open your eyes...SHIT! You try walking it off. Your foot stinks. People that pass you by give you"the stare". You start spreading the shit with every step. You try taking out by scratching your shoe in the gutter. You succeed. The smell is still there. Then you realize, it'll eventually come off. You walk it off. People don't stare as much anymore. You put your iPod back on, sing along. You don't close your eyes. You watch out for shit that could be on the way, but there's none. The smell's gone. Then you think to yourself, it couldn't possibly happen again so whatthefuck..you close your eyes..then as you begin to glide...SHIIIITTTT!!!!!!!!!!