Doom's Day Has Finally Come

I've been anticipating for this day. I just told my parents I flunked the Marketing test and that I have to take it again. They finally got the answer why I only have 12 units this term. They now understand why I have the amazing schedule I have, being home by 9:30am, even before the day stars for some people, every Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays. I've been keeping this from them since March. I never planned on telling it to them because I knew my summer vacation would be ruined. I would never have gone to Caliraya or Subic. I probably have spent all those times at home, being punished for my failure. That would have been really bad.

I realized that the deadline for shiftees will be on Friday. I knew at that very moment that my happy days are over. I had to tell them. Jan told me I didn't have to tell them, that I could tell a completely different story why they had to sign the shifting forms but I didn't want that. I want them to know the truth. Oh yes. Everyone wants nothing but the truth. So that's the truth, and it hurts. I could tell from their faces that me, their 3rd child, Ma. Edelyn Victoria R. Sarmiento has failed them once again. That's like my only success story. Ever since, I've successfully failed my parents. I used to be the kid who had direction in life. I was so determined to be the first lawyer in the family. I knew exactly what I wanted and who would have thought, that out of the 4 of us, I'll be in this mess right now. That's probably the biggest question I have. Why did it have to be me? I used to be so goal-oriented. I dreamed that by the age of 25, I'd be rich and successful with my designer office attires. Used to...

I talked to them just a few minutes ago and I wanted to say so much but as usual, I can't help the waterworks. I don't know! Everytime I talked, my voice cracked so I just sat there and shut up. I want to make them proud. I always have. But I never did. That just tortures the hell out of me. I want to make something out of myself but it's like something is holding me back. Still, even how hard I explain, one thing remains. I still disappointed them. And I disappoint me.

The ironic thing is they told me that I should have told them this when I found out. They should have done something about it, they would have make me do something productive. Damn, they would have even told me to attend all the "seminars" about film. (Wow. They would have loved that! Especially my dad!) Turns out, they let me go out as much as I wanted to because they thought this sem would be hard because I'd be taking my majors. So why am I doomed? I'm punished of course. I am to work for my mom every MWF. I'd go straight from school. And I have to commute! Can this be any worse?! I mean..it's June! Typhoons are in and out of the country and the sky is always dark not to mention there are cloud formations everywhere! I'm banned from gimmicks for 3 months. My mom even told me that it should be one whole year. She's ruining my social life. I mean..this is the time when I really need my friends. This is killing me. The worst thing of all is that I have planned for my friends and I to get together on Friday since for the first time in like a year, Karla is free to go out. Ida is even cutting one whole day of class for that.

This is their way of pushing me out of my comfortable life and see the world. Be one with the common people and experience what's it like to be in their shoes. To know how valuable time is, how hard it is to earn money. So I'd be riding the LRT and then a jeep to Ubay. I know how to ride the LRT..but God knows what jeep I should get into. I'll probably won't even do it this week. This is just so hard for me. I know that they're doing this for me. But why did this have to happen to me?!?!?!?! WHY WHY WHY?!?! I could definitely look at this from a brighter light. But now, it's like the whole world is on my shoulders. Can I do this?! I know I deserve this...