Do You Know What It Feels Like for a Girl?

Loving this song by Madonna...

Ayt..I'll just post a picture of our first gig in Corik's. No. I don't have a band. I have a company called Sige Productions and we're just starting out. We were given this slot in Corik's and what we do is we invite indie bands to perform. First night's lineup: Scintered Glass, Previous and Narda. The place was jampacked and we nearly doubled the sales that night. Oh and it's Aga's bday too.

From L-R: Madel, Me, Jenx, Ted, Aga, Rina and Patty!

Changes for the past year...

Hayyy... I wanna sweat..but I'm too freaking lazy... I need motivation!!! So here it is!!!

New hair-do..December 2004..days before I lost my phone! Haha.. Gym buff pa ako niyan..still had my nose ring.

Green Evo last year (hehe..yeah wore that top too)..oohh the night I lost my Razr..wahh! Shifted the workout to 1-hr jog in the morning then 30-mins Pilates..eat all you can! Worked better for me, dontchathink?!

Summer came, went to the chilly side of the world where everything is bigger...

Gained 7 lbs and no turning back..had to cover up. New school year..got hectic for my orgs..no time to exercise.

The Now.. My hair's longer, my nose bigger, my cheeks fatter, scary eyebags. Simply shows I'm in a lot of stress, but still having a good time, still eat all you can...just not exercising.

Which simply implies...i have to get my ass moving!!! BUT!!! The weather's so gloomy. It's raining and it's cool.. Can't jog, the water in the pool's cold, plus all this school stuff's making me tired...I'm sleepy and hungry all the time... Wahhhhh!!! Wahahahahahaha!!! Damn..let me get that Ube Zaza just made...

Stressed...pero steady lang!

It's only the 2nd week since school started and I feel like we're in our finals week. I'm frikking stressed with all my extracurricular stuff: JEMA, Batch Assembly. Plus, I have a quiz on Tuesday and Wednesday. It's all piling up. Green Evolution is only a few weeks away and I'm literally dying. Then on October 8, I'll be hosting the JEMA Acquaintance Party. It's just all coming to quickly and I need a break!!!

The bad news is I should do my advanced reading, get the paper work with Green Evolution done and forget about Milan Kundera for a few weeks. The good news is, music is my therapy. I'm crazy about House music for almost a month now and it does relieve stress. I know, Ever After is overplayed but I still love it. Milky's Be My World is my world. Haha! Another good news is SIGE Productions: Me, Ted, Jam and Ivan will have our first gig tonight. Jam's Tito is a part time owner of this bar, Corik's, and we got this Saturday night slot and we'll be filling it up. So I am officially a businesswoman and I'm in a business I've been wanting to enter since high school. Okay..we won't be getting paid yet...but if this thing works, we will be.. Hehe. Tonight will be Previous and Narda. For the next weeks, who knows? Ted hooks us up with the bands, I do the promotional stuff..that sort of thing. I'm excited.

Can I possibly balance school with all these things?! My hands are full...unbelievable. I'm so hectic but I know I can do this. I want to do this!!! Steady lang...

Virgin..first time for everything

No.. I didn't lose my virginity. It's just that I'm like a kid experiencing everything for the first time. I went to Hed Kandi last night and it was my first time to go to a party that big. I felt stupid when they marked my wrist with a star and I kept saying, "Wala naman ah!" Good thing my friend was kind enough and he told me that he said the same thing during his first time. Haha! Turns out when it's lighted by white light, it'll glow. Wehehehe..

For the most part, I enjoyed myself. Forget the cigarette smoke in the air that made my eyes hurt, or the fact that my sister was picking me up when I was at the peak of my happiness (thanks for doing that, anyway..I really didn't wanna go home yet). I realized...I love dancing. It relieves stress. Moving around with the music is great. Sugar said I was a sensual dancer. NGEK! Whatever man. She wasn't bad herself. That takes me back to the time when we went to Fitness First and tried out this dance class. It was soo funny. We were like.."wtf?!" We both claimed we weren't dancers...but well oh well..turns out we are..in our own way. Haha!

Sugar and Me

Me and Sugar

When the party was over, I was frikking paranoid. I mean I wasn't home at 4am?! Looking back, it was hilarious. I was such a party-pooper for letting Sugar and Marben take me home after when everyone headed to Sugar's house to chill and sleep over since her parents weren't home. But there's something good in there! Yes, I'm an obedient daughter (in general) and I still don't do sleepovers like they always told us girls not to do. The sun was almost up when I got home...or was it already up?! First time when I had to literally tiptoe my way up. There's a first time for everything..

Of course, I wasn't to get away with this. A few hours after I went to bed, my Mom was knocking on our door and telling us to go down. My spirits were still up so I had no trouble getting up. I was the first one in the breakfast table. Haha! Obvious. My Dad, in his mad tone asked me, "Anong oras ka umuwi?!" As usual, my Mom would do something that is just...I dunno..irritating? She goes, "Edi umaga na." Well..duh.. So I said, "Umaga na." Zaza and Kuya Nono entered as my Dad started his sermon about partying late and how parties in his time weren't like that. Then I thought my Dad was liberal. He could be close-minded at times. I mean...parties in OUR time start at 12mn, in his time that's when parties end. Good thing my siblings came to the rescue. We all argued about the curfew and I'm sure we said our point pretty clearly. My Dad didn't have much to say anymore so he just said I can't party for 2 months. Yeah right...

Detox...

My mother is all of a sudden obsessed with detox. No..not botox..DETOX. Cleansing of the body blah blah blah. The good thing is we're in for the ride..all of us. Haha. 35 minutes of sitting down with my feet soaked in warm water is all I have to do. It's supposed to get rid of those toxins, relieve stress and make you slimmer. Hah! No diet, exercise whatsoever. If they say it works..I'm in. My Tita said her varicose vains disappeared. Wow. Maybe a few more of those and I'll be flawless! Haha...

My mom's friend who owns that detox thing was talking to me while I try to read Unbearable Lightness of Being and he asked me when and why I started to be into philosophical stuff. I really didn't know and I still don't know. It was an unconscious thing. I guess I just really want to understand people and myself better. I mean..humans are so complex and it's gonna take a lifetime to even fully understand one. Humans in general are just interesting creatures. Then he gave me this Book of Birthdays. It's astrology, personality and psychology. Interesting and about 90% accurate. Hehe. March 1 is: A Day of Artistic Sensibilities. I wanna get a copy of that book..

Ber Season...

Partee People - Laguna, September

The Kiki Girls - KL, July

KL Nights People - KL, July

PTF - Max Brenner's, June

Times Square with Parents and Zaza - NY, April

Chicago Skyline with Zaza - Chicago, April

Shroomoids - Galera, February

I realized that we've come to the Ber season... It's getting chilly, too. So I decided to make a "2005 wall" which would be a series of pictures taken this year that will be posted ony my wall (duh). So people close to me or not, some I've been friends with since forever or those whom I've only met a few months or weeks ago. Haha..One of those projects. I had one when I turned 18..pictures from when I was really young til I turned 18.. So I thought..why not every year.. Hehe... I mean..it'll be really nice to look at a few years from now, or even everynight before I sleep.

I'm still missing a few pics though..no JEMA pics yet..and the goddesses!!! We have yet to have our reunion, blockmates..dami pa..Well.. There are 3 more months..

Panic Attacks?!

It's starting. No! This Green Evolution is already making me excited at the same time, really panicked. It's on November 19 already (better mark your calendars and put this day aside cos YOU are going, YOU just have to, if you're my friend!!!). Yes, Ikay..it's your birthday. I didn't forget. :) There's so much pressure and people are expecting a lot. I wanna meet those expectations and maybe even exceed it. I may be too ambitious with my plans..but my team and I can pull this off!!!

Yesterday, first day for the second term. I was in school from 1030am-7pm. Criminy. That's just way too long. 1030-1130 then BREAK. My next class was at 450pm. Jeez. But met up with the sponsor and the Green Evo team. By the time I sat down for my class, I felt like I have asthma. My breathing was hard. I also felt like I have vertigo or something...I feel like falling down while I walk (this..actually I felt since the weekend). Maybe it's my tired eyes and I should just be wearing my glasses, which I already am...

CLEAN UP YOUR ACT. Will that be okay?! Waahhh.. help!

Before School Starts...

Crap. School's starting on Monday once again and I don't want this break to end..or maybe I do. I've sat around all day doing nothing, despite the fact that I need to get my ass moving. I've been promising myself I'd exercise but I can't seem to get up early! (I know I can exercise any time of day..but morning is just the best time to do it!). I haven't been my "detailed" self, too. Usually for breaks like these, especially since a lot of things happened, my entries should have contained not less than a million words. But oh well. *sigh*

So what happened this break that could possibly contribute to the greater glory of...mankind? Oh please. You're reading Edelicious...this is all me, and it is in fact..all me. *evil laugh*

TV. During breaks like these, the TV becomes your bestfriend, especially when you're alone in the house since everyone's at work and school. I watched Wicker Park on the first day. Then I came across some movies in HBO and Star Movies, watched The US Open but fell asleep even before the match started, saw Oprah a few times and enjoyed Lifestyle Network shows. Oh and I watched my new favorite channel, National Geographic. Very enriching actually. While I munch at the Snickers bar that was left on my parents' fridge, the guy responsible for the really disturbing exhibit, Body Worlds we saw in the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago came up. His name is Gunther Von Hagen. Well, he's not that guy on the left for sure. But check him out for a while. Would you believe me if I tell you that that man holding his own skin is a real person? Believe it. Obviously a dead one but a real person nevertheless. Some people think it's sick, like me. But in a way it's really cool, too. Von Hagen invented this process called plastination wherein he can preserve anything (from cake, flower, liver, heart, human body) exactly the way it is without damaging it. He says that he did this to better understand the human body. In Germany, he wasn't accepted. But in China, a university took his idea and medical students are dissecting plastinated human bodies and they in fact in the process of making buildings for him. The question though is whether he got the permition of this man on the picture along with the other bodies being shown for exhibition. If I remember correctly, some of them were criminals who died in prison and agreed to donate it for science. In the exhibit, you can actually see the tattoo of a man and feel how real he is. At the end of the exhibit also, you can sign up and volunteer to donate your body when you die. Thousands of people all over the world are actually up for it and in any case you might change your mind, it's okay. Me? Nope. This is way to extreme for me.

What else, what else. Oh yeah. I've watched In The Womb for the second time, and I was still fascinated. I also liked watching their story Inside the Mafia. I wasn't able to watch it from the first episode, but I was just happy I caught the last one anyway. It is the story of how the Mafia started and fell. From Sicily to New York, drug trafficking to the ruthless battle for power. It's really interesting. They had a blood compact which I guess would seal Omerta - sacred vow of silence. They have their meetings which would normally be a family barbecue. Family which plays a very important role since the Mafia is a family run crime organization. What puzzled me all this time was that how these Mafia remain so religious. I mean...I find it very, very intriguing. They can stomach blowing people's heads off but they go to church. I wasn't able to know why (but I will), but I found out that one of the sacred rules of Mafia is that they should remain faithful to their wives. And at one point, when one boss aka "the Godfather" was on trial, he didn't care about the drugs and the murders, but what shamed him was when people found out he was having an affair with his maid. He was so humiliated, he wanted to hide his face under the table. Interesting, huh? (I checked the schedule..and on Sunday, 9am Inside the Mafia: Going Global will be aired..yey!)

Tivo ain't that bad. If you watch the right shows and channels, you'll actually learn something. It's just too bad these shows are on cable. What about those people who don't have it? I mean local television is soo bad, feeding people with useless shit and I'm sick of it, especially those telenovela stuff. I mean, the stories are the same. One of my dreams is to be a TV writer. I want to write a smart and funny sitcom. I've had so many ideas already, but of course I'm sure that'll be just one of those dreams. I mean..I've no talent for writing so..Hayyy... Haha...

I caught up with my reading, too. Wonderful! I've finished Marrying Buddha by Wei Hui. (When I read books like that, I look at my life and I feel like my life is so ordinary. I look at myself and see how superficial and shallow I am. I envy those people with stories to tell, tragic or not.) What I love about Wei Hui is that tells her story to self discovery. She's constantly lost, making wrong decisions but in the end, those mistakes turned out not be mistakes but rather those are the things that made her whole. Well, I'm reading Milan Kundera's Unbearable Lightness of Being and though I haven't reached 1/4 of the book yet, I'm already loving it. I mean, just like what I said about Wei Hui and her mistakes...we can't really say those are mistakes since we only live one life and we can only make so much decisions and that we can't really know which one is correct and wrong since there's no point of comparison. Well.. I've no idea if you got what I'm trying to say..pero..DIBA?! So maybe, regret is out of the question. The truth is I guess, is that there's no turning back. Once you decide to do something, you better do it the best possible way since you can't rewind time and undo it, no room for mediocrity. Easier said than done, I know.

And the question, once again regarding my singularity was raised. At 20, I've no boyfriend since birth. Sugar asked me, "Saving for that special someone?" I didn't respond. I've received so many questions like that. People have questioned my sexuality, but I'm straight by the way (with about .05% tendency to be lesbian). My sister also told me a couple of days ago, "If you don't meet him in college, you won't meet him at work. Kaya nga ung iba, nagma-masters." At first, I'm like.."Crap..time's running out!" Then I realized...jeez. I can't answer why I'm single. I'm not sure. It could be a choice. I know I'm ready. It's just that it hasn't happened to me yet. Whatever that thing that's supposed to happen. Sure, I'm saving for it. Why shouldn't I? I'm pretty sure he's saving himself for me too. Yeah..wishful thinking! And why not? Love is something you have to wish and thirst for, right? That's what makes it so special.

Now one last... lemme recall my Laguna trip...

Pink was the color of life during that weekend and I really felt like I did float. No, actually I flew. I flew to Neverland where nothing mattered but dancing, hugging, bubbles, sleeping and staring out the sky. I was there for a few days and I can remember every detail. We were all joking about how world peace could be attained if the world was pink. Oh well...reality kicks in and I'm a day older.

We're Only Young Once...

My weekend was perfect. I literally had the weekend I wanted for a long long time. Sugar invited me to join her and her CSA friends in Pansol, Laguna. I said yes without even thinking, and sure enough I had a blast. Met new people. Though I didn't talk much. Most of the time I listened to their conversations, watch them or just sit in a quiet place and do nothing. Hayyy..saya.

I've been going out a lot of times lately, and my parents don't seem to mind which is great. I think I've gained their trust? I dunno. I hope so. It's just that we're only young once and I'm sure this is just a phase. Besides, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm living the life. Balancing my studies, my friends and my family. Speaking of family...I'm missing PTF!!!

The Time To Rejoice!

And it is indeed this time. I shall rejoice! I already have and I will for the next 2 days. My grades were satisfactory but I passed them all. I will never have to worry about my accounting subjects ever again!!! Woohoo!!!

Just came from yesterday from Camp Cali. JEMA had SPOT--training for aspiring officers for next term. We had the best of time. The place was great, the food was delicious. It was super. Swimming in the lake, the bonfire, getting dark, sharing the tent with the officers, meeting new people, dancing like crazy..freedom! Stayed up til 3am talking about the org and non-sense shit, then woke up at 7am. It was insanely tiring, but it's all good.
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I wanted to go straight home but Zaza asked me to go to this Hale concert in Rockwell. Rockwell. I was in my shorts and slippers given that I just came from Camp Cali. I'm not prepared and I was not in the mood for anything like that. She picks me up and she's dressed to kill (with all my stuff btw--top, necklace, pants and bag) while I look like shit. People who know me of course would know I hate a lot of things and one of them would be being underdressed. I remember crying in my cousin's wedding because I was underdressed. So anyway, I asked her if she'll be meeting friends there and maybe I could skip the thing. She says she wouldn't want to be with her friends because Carlo would be there. Criminy. Fine. I understand she's heartbroken and all that shit (but I'll take her word that she's over him), so I try to make the most of my stuff. Got to Rockwell, had dinner together. After that, we were supposed to go to The Loft. Had no idea where that thing is then we arrived at this place called NCC...or NBC..or whatever. She goes to this table with her friends. One boy, the rest girls. No Carlo in sight. Gawwdd. And of course, they're all in their cool get ups. They greeted my sister like the goddess of whatever planet, and looked at me all puzzled, sort of like "What happened to her?" I felt like a yaya. Damn it. They were all nice though, especially that chinita girl with long hair. Forgot her name of course. Entered The Loft. Got in for free, at least. Then Zaza saw Eboy. Got excited for a moment to see him. Told me Therine was somewhere in there. Got up. A band was singing. Stood there for a while, while they firgure out what to do. Zaza spotted Teng and the two of us approached her. Turns out she was one of the people responsible for the event. I thought it was just to greet her. Then Zaza went, "O..okay ka na, hah?" Uhh..yeah. Then just left me there. How nice of her.

For three hours, I played the part of the third wheel and yaya. Watching Eboy and Teng PDA while they do their stuff and waiting for Hale so I could finally go home. Saw a few familiar faces, but was too tired to mingle. Sat in this booth where they tally the votes for MISA Icon. 3 hours of torture, trying not to fall asleep. When it was Hale's turn..it was a relief. Finally I can watch. They're my only purpose anyway. Thank goodness they sang Underneath the Waves and Kung Wala Ka. If they didn't, I would have probably gone mad.
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Woke up this morning at 8 and realized I wasn't able to take off my make-up, wasn't able to change. I went straight to bed last night. Came in at about 1230am. Still feeling groggy, but I'm trying to be peaceful and calm. Listening to my 2 favorite Hale songs over and over, writing this entry.

Later, I'm off again til Monday. Making the most of this sem break.