When I Drive, it's a Group Thing Ya Know!

Yesterday, I drove all day. As in.. ALL DAY!!! It was jobhunting day for me, Marga and Ida. It's fun actually. We're a bunch of crazy people who makes fun of everything, whatever the circumstance is. We've been bums for a long time and so we realized, it was time to get our asses off the couch and start looking for a job. We have, and we did, yesterday. I brought the car, particularly Opel..I didn't wanna bring Lancer because it's not tinted in case an MMDA creature sees how clueless I am behind the wheel..so bringing Opel meant exercise for me since I have to press the gas and breaks harder plus, the stirring wheel is frikkin heavy. So anyway, getting from point A to point B is one thing. I got 3 people telling me to go: Ida, Marga and Zaza (she went with us because she had an album launch to attend).

Typical Scenario:

We're all talking about anything..say...JAMES BOND (hah!) and all of a sudden, I'd stop the conversation completely..

"Oy ano liliko na ba? Right, left or straight?"

Then the 3 girls wold have to tell me where to go..sometimes they all know where to go, which is the best thing but when someone disagrees I get completely lost...

So I follow their directions and then..

"Okay..so anyway! Diba?! Ganda ng song ni Chris Cornell!!! Wahhh..ang hot ni James Bond.."

The conversation continues. Haha!!!

If getting from Point A to Point B wasn't enough, wait til I park the car. I'll enter the parking lot and of course, I'd tell eveyone in the car to look for a space. When we see a slot... I'd park the car backwards. Ida would automatically look at the back. And yesterday, I brought the car without the censor that would beep when I'm about to hit something. I know how to part it..I just haven't mastered it. So Marga would tell me whether I'm doing it right or if I need to move the car forward, if I should start backing up. Haha! It's sooo funny.

Then we went to Makati for Zaza's friend percussionist's album launch in Makati. All I can say is.. 'TANG INANG mga ONE WAY YAN!!! Seriously. I don't say that phrase very often and I try not to. But I swear... I have never been so harassed before. Worse, after the gig, we went to drop Ida and Marga off and then Enzo's house for our weekly cell (uhh..yeah look's like I did keep it up). I never realized how hard it was to drive at night until last night. Taxi cabs didn't have their frikkin' lights on! How the fuck am I supposed to know they were coming?! Are they mad?!?!?! I AM MAD! I've never cursed so many times before, seriously. I can hear my passengers just laughing but they didn't realize how stressed I was. I tried to just sing Kelly Clarkson but it didn't work. I was soo stressed I ate a thousand dark M&M's (then again..I can eat a thousand more of those even if I wasn't stressed), and pizza in Enzo's house. I was sleepy, then got sugar rush and then burned my lips by putting too much hot sauce in my pizza (but it's gooooood!). With all those emotions and chemical reactions in my body, my sharing didn't even make sense..as always.

I can still feel the stress of yesterday's drive.. I need to swim...

My Dad is Impossible

He is.

It's my parents' 25ht Wedding Anniversary. Happy Anniversary to them.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...

I love movies that make me cry. But drama in movies is enough for me. I'm really not the type who looks for drama or enjoys drama in real life. I do the occasional drama thing maybe when I'm really drunk with my BFF's and I'm not even THAT dramatic. I usually just keep it all to myself and sometimes, I don't even understand why I'm sad or depressed.

But there are just people who are just full of it. It's annoying. Once again, maybe I'm just being a bad friend who doesn't want to listen to other people's sob stories. And maybe I've just dealt with my own drama and I don't want people sucking me into their own. I'M SORRY. I mean, usually, I can be all ears when my friends need me but I guess I've just had it. I just wanna have fun and can we talk about shallow stuff, other people's lives, cheesemax for now? Even just for now. Sometimes I think I've wayyyy to many girlfriends. Seriously!!!

Friday night was Patty's birthday. Rina originally invited people to go and surprise Patty but Patty texted people to have dinner and a movie. I've been missing the girls and I wanted to catch up. Hello, I' haven't seen them in months! So I thought that would be a good time. Everyone would be clearing their heads offf their thesis or school work since I know it's crunch time already. I was really looking for a good time, but what do I get?! DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...

I understand Ther and her situation. She had to spill it out. But mhen...she's really bitching! I feel sorry for her, really. But she could just make it all go away in a snap. She just have to make a choice, and I think she made the wrong one. So she's torturing herself. I mean...why go out with someone full of issues, when a guy you like is asking you out?!

Then there's the drama with the other girls. Why Madel chose to go to Eric's party instead of Patty's...that kind of thing. First of all, Patty's invitation was just the night before. Eric had a big party at his house so I could just assume he invited his thesismates (a.k.a Madel and Lottie) way before Patty did. So Patty was making a big deal out of it. And for some frikkin reason, they just kept leaving us on the table. I didn't get it! Thank God for Jenx, Rina and Lottie who didn't have issues. Thank God for Carl and Mike who went and made the atmosphere lighter. It was soo heavy. Sheesh.

I hate drama..and now I'm just bitching again. Sheeshh....DRAMA AMP!

Bloopers today

Nahuli ng MMDA after magpacute. Bastards!

Hindi kumuha ng parking ticket sa Enterprise building.

Humiram ng stapler sa Leo Burnett para magstaple ng mga sampung resume. Haha!

Pumasok sa food court ng Enterprise at nagbalak kumain ng Cajun pero wala palang pera so nagpakagutom na lang.

Nag exit sa entrance ng Enterprise building

Akala ay na-carnap ang Xtrail.

Harrrr nakkerrrrr!!

PING!!! POW!!! PING!!! POW!!!

Sporty chick. Hah! That's what I'm trying to be right now and I must say.. I'm really loving it. I never had the chance to really excel in sports and now, I think I have. I mean, sure, back in high school I was the ping pong champ, plus my serve in volleyball could kill (hahaha!!) and in college, I was the best girl in my class at basketball (i think! haha!), but I never really cared much for those sports. Well..so maybe I am KINDA sporty? Whatever. I guess I just like hitting things.

It's a shame I didn't continue playing tennis. I'm not as good as I used to but a few more sessions and my swing will be back...it should be! I've gotten my timing back in my serve, my backhand is better but my forehand still sucks. I'm slow. I'm surprised that I'm not as fast as I used to be. But I think, compared to last week, I'm faster now. Plus, I'm weak. All that laying around 24/7 for months didn't do my any good. Hayy...but I WILL be better. I have to be!!!

And then there's golf. I never thought I'd enjoy golf this much. It really is addicting. No wonder golfers take up hours and hours in the driving range. I just learned the full swing and I'm excited to do it all again on Friday. Sometimes I still miss the ball, which is really funny, but when I get into that zone...it's such a good feeling. The ball flies in the right direction and I feel like I'm Tiger Woods. I try not to look at the little girl in front of me whose swing is way better than mine. I mean, looking at her and seeing that perfect swing just crushes my confidence! Haha!

It's a good thing I'm into sports that involve hitting a ball. It is therapeutic. Sometimes, with people always up my ass all the time, I feel like screaming. But tennis and golf are my outlet. See, with these two sports, one has to be focused. For an hour or so, I forget everything else. All I have to do is hit that ball. And when you hit the ball perfectly, a really cute sound is produced. POW!!! in tennis and PING!!! in golf. Tennis and golf is a perfect combo, I have to say. I hope I can keep this up. Maybe I should just marry a rich man then play all I want! Or maybe, I'll just fulfill my dream of becoming a tennis athlete..or golf! It's never too late, right? Hahaha...

But seriously though..i need job. I need money, I need new friends...I need to get out of this house!!!

OMG..I'm still not over James Bond / Daniel Craig

It's like I'm in high school again drooling over Leonardo Di Caprio!!! This is unbelievable! I've seen 2 films with Daniel Craig in it: Road to Perdition and Munich. He was good in both. He even stole the spotlight from Eric Bana in Munich...but I've never seen him in this light. OHHHH Man... James Bond has never been soooooo hot and sexy. Really.. I LOVE IT!!! He's such a badass who can kick ass with a well formed ass.. Seriously. SERIOUSLY!!!

This is just insane.

Okay now for the pics...

Who says James Bond can't be a blonde with blue eyes?!



This is scene just made me fall in love with him..SERIOUSLY!



And who could ever forget this one?! SERIOUSLY!

Am I Wrong?!

Yesterday was Tita Baby's cremation. I knew from the day before that we weren't attending it. It was okay I guess. It was understood for us not to be there. I was in fact excited yesterday because I thought Zaza and I were gonna have our golf lessons in the afternoon. Funny thing is, Ate Erin was home and she said she was going to attend the mass before the cremation. I would never thought in a million years she would do that. First of all, she doesn't go to mass anymore...so why start yesterday? Secondly, when we visited Tita Baby when she was sick, she didn't say a single word to her. She refused to stay in the room where the sick lady was and try to make a conversation...so why all of a sudden attend this thing? I knew she's trying to do something but I didn't want to say it because I don't wanna be a bitch about it.


She was already preparing and I was still thinking on whether or not I should go. I really wanted to play golf!!! And besides, personally, I am really hurt of what Tita Baby's family did to my family, plus I'll be seeing my relatives who also hurt my family. I mean, is it wrong to hate the people who hurt your family? I am not mad at them anymore. It's more of indifference. I don't want anything to do with them anymore. And I really wanted to play golf, have I mentioned? There was no lunch because and we had to shop for groceries. I'm gonna have to leave the house anyway and since there's only one car left and I was having lunch with my sister, I felt like I have no choice. But actually, I did. If I really didn't wanna go, I could have asked her to bring me back home. But then again, knowing her, maybe she won't do it. Then I thought...I'm so shallow that I'd rather play golf than attend the cremation ceremonies. I felt guilt, can you imagine?! So I decided to go. While having lunch with my sister, I was still thinking of what I just did. I'm going because I felt guilty of choosing golf over a dead relative... We ended up re-scheduling the golf for today and Zaza came with us.

When we got there, we found out that they started early. We didn't catch the mass and the body was already being cremated. We had no choice but to stay until it is done. The good thing about the whole thing though, is that my second cousins were there: Ate Mahal, Ate Janel, Tintin and Miguel. We had a chat about what's up with everyone..bleh.. And then...Ate Erin brought up the reunion. I knew it. That was her agenda because she promised Tita Baby she would arrange a reunion like the ones we had in the past: with the costumes and presentations. She was talking so loudly and Tita Baby's family was just right in front of us. To make things worse, Zaza revealed that she was just doing it because of her promise to a dying woman. WTF?! Sometimes, I swear...my two sisters could really be soooo... I dunno...tactless? Sheeesssssshhhhh... They set the date and even the frikking theme!

By the time we left the cemetery, I saw from Tita Boots and Tita Cheng's faces they weren't ready for a reunion and so was Mama. There was still anger there and I knew for sure Mom wasn't ready either. I mean, that's why she wasn't there, right?! I'm just sooooooooooo pissed....
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On a lighter note, I finally went to Zaza's..CELL?! Whatever that is...a bible study thing. Got to meet new faces and who knows, I might keep it up. Interesting enough, the leader, whom Zaza wants me to date..is a lot like me. We have a lot of things in common. I think he's a better version of me: better in piano, tennis, learning the violin (I really wanted to play that instrument before), an asthmatic who just swam until it went away, a true artist and an economist. Haha. I'm still deciding on whether or not he's cute. Heh! Typically, I could really like the guy. I mean, knowing he does all that is already a turn on. Thing is though..he's too nice..he preaches God's word! Nothing against religious people...but although I made that "turn," I haven't "fallen on his neck yet." (If you have any idea what that means..haha!) I can sense that he's done some pretty messed up things too, but..I dunno..he's just...too nice. It's not a bad thing, but I feel like he's too nice a guy for me. He's too nice that he can actually make me change my fucked up ways.

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On a not so good news, the kois are sick!!! The white ones have reddish scales and most of them swim on their sides, of just lying at the bottom of the pond. Well, funny thing last night, after our "cell" (I still dunno what that is exactly), we went to Total to put air on the kiddie pool Kuya Colin picked up all the way from Ubay. It can't fit inside the car soo crazy thing...Zaza and I had to sit on the windows with our upper body out of the car so we could hold the kiddie pool at the top of the car. It was soooo funny. It gave me a high though. It was 12am, the stars were twinkling and the cool wind blew on our faces and I was laughing so hard.

We had to transfer the kois from the pond to the aquariums, fill the kiddie pool with water. We can't put the kois in the kiddie pool last night because kois have to be in "mature" water so it was just this morning that the kois were transferred there. I even went out to buy another kiddie pool because the kois are soo big they can't fit in the aquariums and kiddie pool. Hayy..it's chaos in here. My mom's really worried that she wasn't able to go to work. Gotta check the kois now! Hope they're better!!!

SAVE THE KOIS!!!

Final Moments

A few days ago, I had a dream where I lost my tooth. It was so real. I can't really remember but I think I woke up in the middle of the night right after the tooth was pulled out. I'm not sure... But they say, when you dream of something like that, someone will die. For days, I was thinking about it and I thought about my family and someone dying from an accident or something...

A relative died just a few hours ago. It was Tita Baby. I haven't seen her since we last visited her and she was already sick and she didn't look really good, so I knew right then that she would be passing soon. It was weird. I almost forgot how she looked like. She was very ill. She was bald from her treatments and she was very frail. She couldn't talk very well but her tone--the strong tone she had--was still there.

We were there in Tita Boots's house when it happened. We went there at 11:30 at night. Zaza and I just dropped off Kuya Nono in his condo and we were watching John Tucker Must Die iny my laptop when Mom entered our room with her eyes all red, obviously from crying. She told us that Tita Baby had less than 24 hours to live and we should go visit her for the last time, so we did.

On the way there, we were talking about final moments. And then aloud I sighed, "Why do you have to wait for the last minute?," directing it to mom. Well it's not really on purpose but it just came out. But really, why is it that people only forgive and ask for apology on the final moments? Are they doing it out of the goodness of their hearts and that they have forgiven each other, or they're just doing it just to clear the conscience? It would be a huge burden to carry a grudge like that, wouldn't it? Would that anger or hatred stop the dead from entering heaven? I think that's what Christians believe. Hayy...

When we entered the room where Tita Baby's deathbed was, I was stunned, really. I've seen sick people before but I've never seen a dying person before. Something stopped me from walking further and nearer towards her dying body. She was at the stage where she lost her sight already. Her eyes were still open but they were grey and they were blank. Her mouth was open and there were breathing tubes in her nose. She really was trying to get all the time she had left. We all had the chance to whisper our final messages and goodbyes to her. Mom and Zaza were emotional. Ate Erin, surprisingly really poured her heart out. I couldn't really say if I was because I didn't shed a tear. Mom and Ate Erin went first, and then it took a couple minutes before Zaza had the gutts...but she suddenly bursted into sobs and tears. It was painful to watch but it was even more painful to see that Tita Baby, knowing that she could still hear what was going on, was also crying. She was obviously sobbing from the way she breathed and tears formed at the corner of her eye. I didn't want her final moments to be like that, really. I wanted her to just think of the happy times. So I told them I'd go ahead before Zaza..just to make her stable again.

As I held her hand, and whispered to her my final words, I really felt her there. I called her Tita Beauty since that's what we called her when were were young. I reminded her of the dance productions we did for Christmas and I felt her breathing stabilize. My voice cracked, but I pulled myself together and continued on with my message. It was short but I think there's really no point in bringing up the conflict or even promising her something that I wouldn't be able to do, and wouldn't do just to make her happy one last time. I think what was really important was just to give her peace of mind. Then when Zaza went, the tears and the sobs came. After that, I didn't want to stay inside anymore and watch all the drama unfold.

Two Christmases have passed that we haven't celebrated with the Romeros, Sy's, and the Arcegas who took their side. I must admit, the parties were much happier when they were around...but I think, that's just life. You go on with the journey knowing people but there would come a point wherein you can't take all the people you know all the way through.

Tita Beauty has contributed a lot to who I am now and I am grateful. I hope that she's happy wherever she may be.

I hate my asthma

I've had this asthma since I was little and I've always hated it! Well of course there were the times when I faked my asthma to skip school..but that's sooo not the point! All that I am now is actually a useless person who just wastes my parents' money by just staying at home and not even looking for a job (well...I can argue with that..but still not the point) so I'm basically just existing, and part of this existing thing that I'm doing is breathing and I can't fucking believe I'm even having a hard time doigng it!!! What's up with this shit?!

I'm not trying to get back in shape so at least my existence wouldn't be so bad. I'm back on the treadmill and I'm trying to live a healthy life because you know, I will not just be existing soon..I've had a lot of things in mind that I want to do and to accomplish. For one, I'm playing tennis again...since I haven't held a racket for more than a year, I suck and worse, I try catching my breath every what..10 minutes?! Sheessshhh. I think my asthma has gone from bad to worse. I haven't really had asthma attacks that were so bad they had to bring me to the hospital, THANK GOD!, but still I'm afraid that as I get older, the more difficult it is for me to deal with it. I got sick 2 weeks ago and although I'm feeling better, my breathing is still not back to normal. There's fucking phlegm stuck in my throat and no matter how hard I cough and try to get it out..it's still there. I have to clear my throat every fucking minute just to get it out of the way. I HATE IT!!! I can't even sing along my Kelly Clarkson songs because of it. Shit!

I'm totally bitching again...and why not?! Christmas is coming, I don't have money, I won't be giving and receiving gifts, my forehand sucks, I can't sing at the top of my lungs, I'm jobless, I have a fucking mullet and I have asthma!!!!!!!!!!!