Come What May

Finals week is over. Course card day = Doom's day is Tuesday. I hope I pass all my subjects! Waahhh!!!
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I'm listening to my favorite Moulin Rouge songs: Come What May, El Tango De Roxanne, Your Song, One Day I'll Fly Away, Elephant Love Song Medley. I watched the movie 3 days ago. I've been wanting to watch it, actually. I realized... Ewan McGregor isn't that bad as I thought. He has that charm, although he's not really goodlooking. His teeth are dark and he's probably a smoker, and pairing him with Nicole Kidman who seems flawless, I see all his imperfections. He's short (or Nicole Kidman is just really tall). Well basically, I'm just disturbed by his teeth. But he is a great actor and I love it in Moulin Rouge when he sings all those high pitched songs. (Now it just hit me, I like guys singing high pithed songs..Boyd, Champ, John Mayer). 3 of my favorite movies star this guy: Moulin Rouge, Big Fish and Down With Love. He knows how to pick good films.

*Why does my heart cry..Feelings I can't fight!* --> yang part na yan sa El Tango de Roxanne...ung mataas. Grabehhh...better than orgasm. Hahahahaha!
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Sunday morning. Breakfast with the family I enjoy having. Dad would do most of the talking, while all of us would just butt in with our side comments. Today's lesson: the fiscal.
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What's the plan this break? Come what may..

Testing

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy
and achieve success.

How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Not Ready to Die Yet...

Man.. Wednesday night, I honestly thought I was going to die. It was scary. It was a ride home from school with my carpoolmates: Jordy, Mai (his gf), JC and Camille. As usual, a ride home with Jordy+JC meant laugh trip, literally. We just entered the Skyway and the car was running about 80-100 kph. All of a sudden, a silver CRV in front of us stopped. Still running at that speed, Jordy swerved and *whew*! He slowed down a bit and we found ourselves in the middle of what seemed like a thick fog. We couldn't see anything. Everyone in the car didn't know what the hell was going on. JC wanted to get out of the car. Now, that was just insane. Why would anyone in their right mind wanna go out there?! Someone wanted to stop the car. Criminy, to hell with that. I wanted the car to keep moving. I mean, there were cars behind us and stopping in the middle of the road filled with thick white smoke wasn't a very good idea. They might not see us and crash into us or something. AND!!! I didn't want to stop because we didn't know what the fuck was going on, there might be an explosion or God knows what. I really, really felt we were close to where it was coming from. Crazy Jordy was just laughing, and at the same time trying to figure out what to do. Pinoy talaga. Laughing in the middle of a crisis. The 3 girls of course.. we were screaming. This went on for about a minute. It was the longest 60 seconds, man! Then, maybe the wind blew and we sort of saw the rest of the road and it was cleared, so we told Jordy to go straight ahead. thank goodness! Turns out there was a bus that overheated..or maybe it was burning. I've no idea. Basta galing sa bus. And thank goodness we got out alive. We were all silent for a split second. Processed what just happened there. Then Jordy cracked a joke. He held his girlfriend and said "I love you, babe!" Hahahahaha! "Buti na lang walang nagconfess na 'I'm gay!'" Hilarious. Then for the rest of the ride home, we talked about what if's. What if we died that day???

Yesterday, I rode with Jordy and Mai again going home. Before I stepped into the car, he asked me. "Ano, Edel? Are you ready to die today?" And he was wearing a white polo yesterday which was just..weird. Maybe he had a defense. But whatever. He was wearing a white polo, and asked me if I was ready to die. I'm thinking to myself, "Gawwddd..was he serious?" It's just like in the movies. He's the guy who comes to "pick up" the person who's about to die. Hehe..
Am I ready to die? I've been thinking about it actually since Wednesday night. NO NO NO. I know, I whine about so many things in my life. I complain a lot despite the fact that I'm living a good life. The truth is, I love my life and I love the people around me. It's really just me. I take things for granted. I would really have a lot of regrets if I died that day. There's so much things to experience (uhmm..like fall in love!), so much more to see. I have a list in my head of the things I should do before I die..and I haven't accomplished anything yet!!!

1. Surf/bungee jump/sky dive. - Haha!!! Man..I have yet to experience the thrill...
2. Watch Wimbledon in Wimbledon! - Just one of those things I wanna do.
3. See the pyramids in Egypt. - One of the things I wanna see.
4. Plant a tree, write a book and give birth to a son. - According to my Lolo, these are the ways to be immortalized. Leave a mark on earth before you go. I've planted a tree. That's the only thing I've done yet. Give birth to a son...hmm...I'll edit this a bit. Just to have a child (with my husband ah, kung sino man ang magiging swerteng lalaking un..haha!) whom I can raise to be a good person is better, I guess. Besides, my Lolo is kinda sexist. That son is supposed to carry the name of the dad. What about my name?! And..maybe to have a building named after me..maybe in La Salle or STC. Hehe!

To have goals like that is great and everything but death as they say, is like a thief in the night, you'll never know when it's gonna come. So at the end of the day, it's not about what you want to do in your life, but rather what you have done already. The sad thing is I dunno if I could honestly say I've done something good. If God would ask me what I've done on earth... I don't think I'll be able to answer him.

So will that experience change me to be a better person? Will my now, self-centered bitch self change??? I have to. I just know I have to.

Numb

Last Sunday, we were talking about love being blind. I believe in the contrary and my siblings, particularly my brother and my younger sister started looking at me as if I was a kid believing in Santa Claus. They insisted love is really blind. I decided to just drop it. We all have our own opinions anyway, and I wasn't in the mood to argue.

Take it right there. That was bizarre. My younger sister was lecturing me about love, telling me what reality is. She has fallen in love, I have not. Yes, I am a romantic and an idealist. I am inexperienced on that field. I have never felt romantic love and I base everything from the books I read and the movies I'm fond of watching so much. As much as I want all that to happen to me, I'm firmly rooted on the ground and I know those are just stories. Stories to make women cry. Stories to make people like me hopeful. Heh!

I may be naive when it comes to love and relationships. But here's what I know. Giving someone your heart is a big thing. Especially if it's for the first time. You're excited that finally, someone you thought you've been waiting for all your life has finally come. The thought of that person makes your heart beat a little faster. But at the same time, it's a risk a person takes because you're allowing that person to hurt you too. For girls though, it gets a little tricky. We always assume the guy's THE ONE. Feelings aren't very accurate. It usually betrays a person because it stops that person from using their head. And when she's hit with the reality and what seems to be a fairytale will come out to be the awful truth, her whole world stops and it would take a long time before she recovers.

But is the girl really to blame for using her heart instead of her head? It's difficult to say. I was never faced with that situation. But since I am raised by my parents and I was educated the way I was, I think differently? I dunno. I don't know what to think.
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Krystal and I had our once in a blue moon chat. We didn't schedule it or anything, but it was just perfect timing. After school, I felt really drained mentally and emotionally. There was just so many things in my head and I couldn't concentrate. And I thought that jog in the morning would take it all away. That jog actually just made me think more. Criminy. Anyway, my chat with her was just the distraction I needed. It took my mind off things for a about an hour and a half. We had the talk. The talk that we always have. The talk that only me and her would understand. She totally gets me. I don't have to explain anything because she feels and thinks almost exactly the way I do. I can talk to her about things I never talk with anyone else because it's only with her that I feel comfortable discussing my deepest and shallowest emotions and thoughts and she would always boost my ego. (Jeez..after school? My confidence level was 6 feet under. It was that bad.) With her, I'd always feel I'm not totally crazy for thinking and feeling the way I do because I know she feels exactly the same. We're sane because of one another and I'm sure we'll soon look back on all this and thank God for having each other.
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Call me evil...but I'm soooo annoyed with this guy. I hate seeing his face, but to think he's not doing anything. I'm just pissed at him.
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This day is one of those days when I hate myself. I've let myself down. Grr!

Don't Know an Appropriate Title...

Yahoo! 2 weeks na lang and the term is over!!! I'm soo excited for this term to end. Hihi! I dunno why, exactly.. I just feel like something good will happen during the break...or I'm just imagining things again.

The things I want to do during my break:

1. Work out. - This is way overdue. 3 months of not working out has turned me into a slob.
2. Surf. - Jeez. What's new?! I've been planning this for what..2 years now? The only person whom I know would go is Sugar but, it would all depend on our scheds and parents. So far the only thing I'm surfing is the net. Pwe.
3. Wakeboard. - Oh yeah right! Been there 2 years ago and tada! I was never able to go back. Grrrr!!!
4. Boogieboard. - This is new to me. A friend just made me curious about it. Turns out it's supposed to be easier than surfing.
5. Whitewater Rafting - My Dad brought this up. He wants to take us whitewater rafting in Cagayan de Oro...wooohhhh! Coolness. Sure why not. I'm game!
6. Kayak. - I love kayaking. Woohoo. I hope that when we go to Camp Cali for JEMA's SPOT, I get to kayak. Hihi!
7. Skim Boarding - Ohh yeah. I forgot about this. A friend told me its more difficult than surfing though...but I'm willing to try.

Criminy..enough with the watersports! They're a million miles away. Argh. Ironic really. I've always thought my element is fire...but it seems like water is more appropriate. I'm a Pisces anyway. Well..not that I believe in horoscopes or anything..but sometimes they do work. I just thought it made sense. Haha! But really... I want I want I want! You want? Let's go?

8. Tennis - Now this is better. The club's ten minutes away from my house...but I forgot the name of my coach! Hehe!


That's basically it... Numbers 2-7 are more like a wish list. Things I want to do before I die. I mean...if someone..even just ONE person is willing to go with me..I'll go in a heartbeat. Well of course, I have to know the person. (A-duh!). Ahh ewan!

Divisoria Divisoria!

Coming from a bazaar in PICC, my Ate and I were on our way to Mama's (My Lola) house in QC. We're not the best navigators in the world so one wrong turn and tada..adventure. My sister said I fell asleep when we were in Ongpin. (Hehe..I'm always asleep!) When I woke up, I was in an unfamiliar place. We were in Divisoria. I'm such a loser. I've never been to the famous Divisoria. The traffic wasn't moving for 45 mins..and that drove me nuts. People everywhere. They were literally in the middle of the road where the cars pass. Limang Dipang tao in action. It was amazingly chaotic. Good thing I have the digicam to document everything.. Haha! It was crazy but I was fun observing the people. It was an interesting place..but I don't think I'll survive one day there.

**I can't upload photos!!! Argh...check my Multiply na lang.

It's Almost Over..

Our report's done and I'm hanging by a thread in Finama2. Whew! 2 more weeks and the term's over. Haayyy... Days pass by so fast. Unbelievable! Another term will pass and I'm a term closer to graduation. (HUWAT?!)

As for now... I'll go to bed and get my well-needed rest.

Good or bad?!

I'm failing my Finama2, our report's due on Thursday and we're not yet done... I don't wanna repeat Finama2 again next term!!!! Nooo!!! But the scariest thing of all is I'm not at all worried. Wtf?! Is this a good thing or a bad thing?! I have no idea... Wahhh!!!
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Queen Bitch I am, as my friend Kathy has just said with her new testimonial for me:

Black beauty with pearly white teeth… that’s EDEL. Knowing Edel since Grade School Days, I can definitely say that this girl is one hell of a toughie chick! With her intimidating aura, you’ll think that she’s a total bitch, actually she’s really a bitch. Haha! Some may take it negatively, some may take it as a challenge. She’s the type who will say everything (I mean everything and anything!) running into her mind, even if its not a good thing and I respect her for her honesty. Its better to be a straight forward person rather than a back stabber! (Believe me)…Edel is a born debater, has a free mind, independent (not financially..maluho yan!) a leader and 100% fashionista! She aint the type of person who will go with the trend, she has her own way of expressing her artistic sense through her unique, interesting and fashionable wardrobe. I tell you, everywhere she goes, she stands out! And we love her even with the bitchy aura! Hehe… thanx for everything!

I like the testi, actually. It's just that it seems like there's no kindness/sweetness whatsoever circulating in my body. Is being a bitch a good or bad thing?! I've no idea!

A World of Pure Imagination

It's late and I'm up..simply because I ate too much at 9pm..so I have to give myself 3 hours before I sleep..or else... I dunno...
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Just watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I love it. Tim Burton is always cool. Read Ikay's blog and she posted the song from the original movie... I'll just take that one phrase.

A World of Pure Imagination. That would be great wouldn't it? I sure would wanna live there. What's in that World of Pure Imagination? Hmm... a lot. But I'd rather that I keep it to myself... heh!

I'm empty again

I know I think too much..but man...it's happening again... I tried to listen to Hale over and over, I checked out people's pictures and profiles in Friendster and Multiply, read other people's blogs but it's just not enough. "Happiness is a state of mind," Sugar told me yesterday. Yes I believe in that. People choose to be happy, so now..I choose not to be.

I wanna be alone to just think and do nothing. My beloved iPod is my companion in all this and I'm glad it's with me. I wanna see my friends so I could temporarily shut these thoughts off but after that, what? I dunno...it'll all come back.

Then I remembered Max. Found my brother's blog..and read his entry about Max. I miss Max. Maybe it's really my fault why he died.

I wanna go away, even for just a day by myself. Go to the beach and stay there all day. I wanna see the sunrise, the changing of the tides, feel the cool water and fine sand on my feet, stay on a shade while watching happy people with their friends, families or loved ones, wait and watch for the sunset and for the moon, lie on the sand under the stars... maybe after all that I'll have an enlightenment or something. Heh!

Underneath the Waves

The stars beneath the sky
They tell me you’re a secret
And everytimeI wake up in the morning
Rain is falling down on me
I feel free

You caught me by surprise
I ask you to believe me
Without a lie
We’ll never have to say or feel we’re sorry
Don’t say we’re sorry
Soon you’ll see

I’m learning
I’m learning you now
Stars fading
Free falling into you

This time I’m sure what I’m looking for
And that’s what I want you to know
And I won’t ever let you go
Underneath the waves
I can feel you underneath the waves

It’s all been said and done to me I know it
Just let me have a chance to prove my cause
And I don’t know what lies ahead for us
In any road I’ll let you come my way

And I’m ready for you now
Be ready for me now
Show me love
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Okay..it's a love song but it's really more than that. That's the only thing that I want to hear right now. For some reason, I'm just hypnotized by it. I've been having a bad week and listening to it makes me feel a lot better. That feeling na parang nanghihina ka pero ang saya kase talagang nakaka-high...when you feel like your knees just get weak and your heart beats a little faster. You close your eyes and take the song in, unconsciously you smile. You breathe a little deeper and...hayyyyy.. PEACE.

Isipin mo na lang ganito: gabi..nakahiga ka sa buhangin sa ilalim ng langit na puno ng bituwin at naririnig ang dagat... Nandon ka lang..antayin ang pagsapit ng umaga. Sige. Isama mo na kung sino man ang gusto mong isama. Kahet sa imahinasyon lang. Haaayyy..ganda...sarap. Ibang klase. Nakalimutan mo kahet panandalian lang ang kaguluhan sa buhay mo.

When the Stars Go Blue

The stars went blue for me today. It's one of those days again. Seriously, I sometimes think I'm crazy and maybe people really do think I am. Just before going home, Chris, Dax and I were in McDo and we went to talk about first impressions. Chris's first impression of me was I'm kinda weird. I had henna tattoo on my palm and I wore a nose stud. Someone who didn't care what the world would think. He didn't have a word to describe his first impression so he said: eccentric. Hah! Me?! Eccentric? I know I'm a little different...but not THAT different. Dax's first impression on me was a liberated, girl-power funky dressing person. Hearing what they first perception on me...I guess there's really nothing I can do if they thought of me that way. I mean..no one can control that. Though I forgot to ask them if they still think that way about me, I have a pretty good feeling they still do. Those people have been my classmates for almost a year now and they're still on the surface... Maybe it does take a lifetime to know people...

9:56am

I'm in an internet cafe with boys shouting at one another playing God knows what.. Dota? I'm out!

What do they want me to do?!

Frikking online enrollment..I've been online for 3 hours now..and the thing doesn't work. It's currently: Server Maintenance.. Jeez. And you call this a world class university?! Criminy.. (and i'm whining again!)
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Told my parents about the 6 months OJT/Thesis in Singapore. I knew they were willing. They want me to go. In fact, I wasn't even done explaining yet..and they were like.. "O sige..maganda yan!" That's good news for me. Now I'm just looking for thesis mates who are willing to delay their graduation for one term...

Everything's great in Marketing. I love it. I really think it's for me. The other day, I saw Tats and we're both happy we're not in Accountancy anymore. We couldn't imagine ourselves if we stayed in that course. I'd probably won't have a life... So..I'm happy, really. But then this discussion about employment shit with my parents..arggh.. I think I've had about enough. Mom keeps sending me emails about Accountancy job opportunities..bleh. My Dad introduces me to his friends as his daugther who did nothing else but go out with her friends...while my brother is the Ateneo graduate with the double degree, working for Cannon; Ate Erin is the engineering graduate from La Salle working for Intel and Zaza is the one taking up the oh-so-cool Culinary Arts. Criminy. So, what..I'm the one who had a hard time in Eco-Accountancy who decided to shift to Marketing Management?!

Jeez..what do they want me to do?! I'm proud to say I've been balancing my extra-curricular with my academics. I can never be cum laude or whatever..but..give me a break! Please?!