Itch Mah Berdey

I forgot that my bday is this week. Shiyet. I'm sort of torn on whether I'd have a party or not, then when i texted people and asked them if they're free on Saturday night, they already assumed I have a party although I told them I'm not sure since I only started planning like, 10 minutes ago that I'd have the party and they even told me that even if they have other plans, they'd blow it off and go to my party.

I'm not really in the mood for a party TODAY but I've terrible mood swings so I think I've conditioned myself by Saturday so I'll be ready to get myself wasted that night. It doesn't even matter if only 2 of my friends would go. I've been so consumed with work or "stress" this past few weeks and maybe I really need this break and I deserve it so drowning myself with aclohol even if it's just with 2 other friends sounds really good to me. Hmmm... I texted the usual suspects: my blockmates, my gf's and my cousins.

Shucks. I've totally no idea what to prepare for Saturday. I know there has to have food as in solid food like spaghetti or something. I'm totally fine with just ya know, crackers and then butt loads of beer and hard drinks, but I'd have guests (assuming my friends don't have plans or if ever they do, they'd rather go to the faraway land of Alabang) so I'd have to conisder that. Hmmm... Can my sister and brother possibly sponsor?! C'mown.

On Entertainment News...

Like the gazillion people who reads Perez Hilton's blog, I got hooked on Britney Spears' psycho week. She shaved her head, got a tattoo, checked into a rehab for the second time only to check out again and then checked in another rehab. I knew that was gonna happen. The moment I saw the pictures of her shaving her head, I knew she was suicidal. Which she is. I learned she tried to kill herself twice during the weekend. Howell. Who knows? Maybe we'll have another headline of the weak, with Britney Spears dead.

I feel sorry for her. She's totally lost it and celeb bloggers like Perez Hilton just makes it worse. I mean, if you've been following his blog like I do, you'd know. And I think he's totally feeling guilty. I really think that he's partly responsible (along with the papparazi, other bloggers) for what happened to Britney. I mean, these people are really offensive. They won't stop and they're provoking people, and they enjoy doing it. The worse the celebrity becomes, the better it is for them because theere's always something new to talk about. When Britney started partying hard, he had pictures on his blogs (of her showing her vajayjay, flirting, drinking and what not). He had big bold negative captions to make fun of the celebs. And now, he's sort of cheering of Britney to go to rehab, and that she'll do well there...tsss..SHADY!!! I guess if Britney does commit suicide, people like Perez would really feel guilty and sort of responsible.

And on local showbiz..James Yap allegedly cheated on Kris Aquino with a girl named HOPE. Not really pretty but not fugly. Well.. everyone knows James is Kris's boytoy and nothing more. I mean, I really don't see how they became a couple...but then again what do I know. Hope could be just an attention whore. Or James Yap isn't as stupid as he looks or sounds. Whatever!!! Haha! I feel sorry for Kris. She's wealthy, spent so much money on plastic surgeries, she's smart.. her only downfall is men...hayy.. you can't have it all I guess.

Reality Check

So far so good. I'm enjoying my job. Yey! I'm in the history of Hinge Inquirer Publications. I'm the first Account Executive to close a deal within the first week of actually working. YEAH BEHBEH!!! I closed Lacoste, btw. Haha1

I've new girlfriends, I love it. Well not really new. Gi and Sab. They're inseparable and what's great about it is that they keep me grounded. Meeting so many different people at work is fun but these two girls are so like me that I stay true to who I am. Haha! Sab is like me because we're superficial. We love and hate the same things. The only difference is probably our guy preference. She wants play, I want serious. Haha. Gi, looking cute with her nose ring (that makes me want to have mine pierced again!), is also superficial but she's a self proclaimed dork so it's interesting. What I like I guess about us having lunch or dinner out, is that we say whatever we want to say without fear of offending each other.

Just the other day, we were talking about being housewives. Not just any kind, housewives of uber rich people, of course. When we were younger, we were trained to think that as women, we can do anything men can do, even better. So we all aspired to be successful women in our chosen fields. We all imagined ourselves to be ruling the world. But then seeing the lifestyle of the AB housewife, it's really not so bad: doing recreation stuff, getting fit and pretty, shopping and taking care of the kids. It's nowhere near the modern woman we all imagined ourselves to be. We used to look down on housewives, but thing is..NOTHING's WRONG WITH IT. Some women may be ashamed to admit it, but at the end of the day, we all just want to live in a beautiful house, own fashionable clothes, a sexy body, cute kids and a rich, handsome husband! A simple life like that, having coffee with the amigas on any day and traveling the world with your family sounds perfect. No worries about running a company or world domination. We all thought to ourselves: Why are we even working so hard now? Why don't we just go look for a rich man to seduce?

Haha! Sometimes, people imagine so many things that it's not even possible. Once in a while, we need to check in with reality. Just now, I'm thinking about being the AB housewife and my goals of world domination. And I remember Meredith Grey's mum. She's the best surgeon there was but didn't have the time to fight hard enough for her love life. And her reason? She didn't fight hard enough... Hmmm..doesn't fate play a role as well? Fate, destiny, or God? Sure, I mean some things are just not meant to be, right?

Let's take for example indie bands...

Some bands prefer to stay indie, and not become "sell-outs," or so they claim. These indie bands would prefer to stay unsigned because they say that only the real music lovers get to appreciate their music, which is only a very small percentage of the music listeners. In my perception, there are also groups of people who would choose to listen to indie bands and they do this for superficial reasons: they try to distinguish themselves from other music lovers. My opinion is this: being appreciated by a lot of people doesn't make a band a sell-out. In fact, some indie bands would say they 'prefer' to stay unsigned, but the truth is, no record company would want to get them because they appeal to a very small group, or simply because they're not good. I mean, if you're in show biz, you goal is of course to entertain people, and how would you know if you really are entertaining if the majority cannot appreciate what you're doing? But then you have to question the audience as well. Do they have good taste? But then of course taste is subjective. I mean, just because Boom Tarat appeals to millions of Filipinos, does it mean it's a good song? What about bands like Rivermaya or Bamboo, who cater both to the masa and the sophisticated audience? There are really two sides in everything..

But isn't it that luck plays an important role here? Even if you're talented and you have the "it" factor, if you're unlucky, it won't happen for you. "It's not in your destiny." So when would these bands step down the stage, call it quits, and possibly look for "real" jobs? Same with gold diggers who keep looking for rich men to marry. When would they quit doing that, look for a job and start working to support themselves?

They say God has a way of balancing things. Some people are blessed with material wealth but are miserable. Some people are poor in material things but are happy. Can I possibly rule the world and at the same time have a real life?

I'm just thinking aloud. I may have not made any sense but there. Haha.
_________________________

I don't want to be sick. Whether it's hormonal imbalance, auto-immune disease, whatever!!! I hate it!!! I want this all to end. My doctors can't even explain it. The reason is still unknown and it's literally making my life stressful. I'm not stressed at all. I don't think and stress about it. It's only when my mom would say I've another bald spot that I remember...or when I realize I've my period the for the third time in less than 2 months! SHIT!!!

Heart Burn..

At long last, it's over! I'm so happy it's over over over!!!

It was one of the most stressful days of my life, but it really is one of the most fulfilling.

First time to organize that big of an event. I wasn't alone of course, but I did mostly everything (yeah..i'm bragging here). Still a lot of things to improve.

Thanks to all who came.

It's Sunday night and my legs still hurt from that night.. hayyy...

____

I wasn't able to go to Tagaytay with my blockmates. I'm so disappointed. This sickness thing that I have is soooooo depressing.

Gotta make time for myself

I just ate 2 chunks of steak. I can't believe it. I was THAT hungry.


This so-called work is really eating up my time. It starts at 8:30 and ends at 18:30. That means I have to wake up at 6:30 and I'll be home by 20:00. Man. I kept telling myself I'll wake up at 6:00 so I could at least jog, but I can't get myself out of the bed that time. I mean, I'm really tired and it's 22:30, but I'm still awake. I don't want to sleep right after I eat a heavy dinner. Urgh.

This has to stop. I will exercise. I should. I really need it.

I'm losing weight despite my big appetite. It's weird. I need to have another bunch of medical tests. Tsssssss...

iMiss Incubus

Hayy nako. I'm really disappointed no one gave me Light Grenades for Christmas. I'm itching to buy Light Grenades. I really won't download, under any circumstance the album/unreleased songs from that album. Crazy, yes...but I dunno why I'm torturing myself. I could have just used my credit cards, right? I've bought so many things lately with them actually (but this is in payment of my services for Heart Burn and Mom will find out in due time). I shall wait a few more days and I swear I'll have the album. I won't wait for my birthday. For my birthday, just give me.. WHITE FLUFFY CLOUDS SPECIAL EDITION. Asa pa eh noh!!!

Death is an awfully big adventure.

Today, watched Peter Pan with Ikay. We had great seats and we really felt the magic of the show. The kids were great, the lost boys and lost girls, the fairies and the pirates. I've always loved Peter Pan and him being the only kid in the world who never grew up. I enjoyed watching it with little boys and girls around. Some were in their costumes and they looked so cute. They were really conatagious. It's exactly how it was in the movie, Finding Neverland. The kids' reactions were so infectious that even the adults were super amazed when Peter Pan was flying and Tinkerbell was spreading her fairy dusts in the air. I would have loved to watch it with my little cousins. I'm sure they would have enoyed it as much as I did.

_________

Last night, I got a text message from Cez. The message was that one of our high school classmates, Ecai is in the hospital in Cavite in a coma because of aneurysm and her parents are already thinking of pulling the plug. It came as a huge shock to me. Ecai was my seatmate and she was one of those girls that everybody loves because she's cute and she has her own little pet peeves: she loves plucking her eyebrows, putting powder on her face and she gets away with the teachers when she doesn't know the answer because she talks like a little girl. When I received the first message, I forwarded it to my high school classmates and it wasn't long before I received the same message from my other classmates. I was honestly thinking that she was going to die and that I'd probably be attending her funeral. It seems like such a bad thing now that I'm thinking about it. I didn't even consider going to the hospital because first, it's in Cavite and 2nd, we have an FE reunion and I haven't seen those people in a really long time.

On my way to CCP, I received a lot of messages about the plan of going to Ecai and visiting her. I really wasn't plan on going but then I realized, my classmates who live far from Cavite, are really going to commute all the way to the hospital just to see her. It also hit me that this may probably the last thing I would do for her. I borrowed the van and Kuya Colin so my classmates would be able to go there and visit her. So I just opted to skip the FE reunion. As always, it was a joy seeing my high school classmates: Nina, Tal, Ida, Gabo, Abby, Karla and Kim. We met up in Mcdo, Pedro Gil and as we waited for all of the girls to arrive, we talked about our lives and Ecai. We were feeling so guilty for having such a good time with each other since the reason for our meeting was to visit Ecai. But I guess, there's nothing wrong with it. We just enjoy each other's company and it's funny that after all these years, we're still the same people. We're no longer in high school and we're facing the real world on our own, but it's such a beautiful thing to see that we're still here for each other not matter what.

Seeing a friend on her death bed wasn't pretty. She was hooked up to the machines that were keeping her alive, and by alive, I meant her heart is still beating. Scientifically speaking, I guess she didn't feel us there. It was just faith that made us believe that she could hear us. We cracked up jokes, mostly the same jokes in high school: we ganged up on Kim. If Ecai could talk, she would do the same thing. We said our prayers and eventhough it was really impossible, we hoped that a miracle would happen and that she would open her eyes. Her parents are really gonna pull the plug tomorrow and let nature run its course. I would do the same, if I'm in their shoes. She's brain dead and even if she wakes up, she would be paralyzed. I would save her and myself the pain and suffering and just end it altogether.

Looking at her, I felt very sad because there are so many things in life she has yet to experience. It's such a waste that a young girl would die so suddenly, when she can offer the world so many things. Her boyfriend of one month was there and I thought to myself, she has just fallen in love, it's so sad that she won't be able to enjoy it more. And then it occurred to me: maybe this is God's plan for her. Maybe her mission here is done and there's more to her in another life. Nobody really knows what lies ahead when you embrace the light in the tunnel. Maybe there's more to all of this than we would ever know and it was her turn already.

Why are we afraid to die? There has to be more to life than all of this. I guess it's just human nature to fear the unkown. Let's just think of it the way Peter Pan does: Death is an awfully big adventure. So wherever Ecky Becky may be, I'm sure she'll face her new adventure the way she always does: armed with her pocket mirror, her comb, tweezers and powder.

Valentime's

People are starting to talk about Valentine's. Yes. It's that time of year already and as usual, I've no plans for that day. Who knows? I might go on a date with myself again like last year. This time, instead of treating myself to Haiku, maybe I'll go to The Fort or SM MOA to try that Japanese resto with the revolving thingie with unlimited sushi. I'll probably go lunch time but around 2pm so that there won't be a lot of people and I'd totally have all the sushis by myself, and of course the fact that if I go there during peak hours, more people would see I am dateless.

I'm not sure the goddesses would be able to have our yearly Valentine's date this year. We're all busy with jobs (!) and med school for Toni and Abby. Knowing each other, we'd probably find a way, no matter how last minute it would be. I'm not in college anymore so I won't be spending Valentine's with the "Lonely Hearts No More," singing Total Eclipse of the Heart in the tambayan. In the office, I've heard the girls there get gifts from their boyfriends. So there'll be some deliveries in the middle of the day for the girls. Ohh gawwddd.

Let's practice optimism, shall we? Who knows?! Someone might ask me out! Just out of the blue. That would be cute, eh? My first date will be on this year's Valentine's! Haha! Just thinking about it is making me giggle. It's baduy and corny all at the same time. I'd go on my first date with a person who'd decide to take me out this year for Valentine's. Well..if this is the case, I guess I'd just go out with whoever's gonna ask me out! Haha! And..if all else fails (sounds like I have OTHER plans!), and no one asks me out, I'd go to Lovapalooza and when the countdown starts and everyone's just preparing to kiss their partner, I'd be scrambling, looking for a person without anyone to kiss. Girl, boy, old, young, whatever..I'll kiss that person. Sounds like a plan to me!!! I've a plan A, and a plan B. Either way, this year, I'd get to experience my first date or first kiss on Valentine's..

Pfffftttttt!!!

I'd just skip work and sleep through it. I won't even bother turning on the tv or radio.. I'll sleep all day and wake up the next day as if it never happened.