Only Child For 2 Days

Wow.. a day with my grandparents and now, 2 days as an only child...so far it's pretty much the same. My parents come home late. I don't even get to eat dinner with them. Well I did with Mom. Guess what? I think for almost a week now, we're good. No fights! Good start. I hope WE can keep it up.

Ate Erin's currently in the US, Kuya Nono stays with Tito Bernie during weekdays and Zaza went to Bohol for school. This is the first time ever I have all the house to myself because my siblings are away. But then again, what's the difference, right? I'm always home early and I always have the house all by myself. So this is nothing big. It's not like I'm gonna miss them or anything. We're not the hugging type really. A lot of times, Ingrid has asked me if I baby Zaza and I say her the same thing: No. I mean for sure Mom wants this hugging family but with our personalities, it's just impossible. But I must say we're okay as a family but we could be a lot closer.

My siblings don't really open up to me. I open up to them a little I guess. I tell them basically what my friends know like Kuya Nono's friend texting me, how I hated my parents during that shitty stage of my life. Well..there's really nothing to share but that I guess. Nothing's up with my life right now. I mean as much as I wanna share stories about boys..nada! Haha. My boy friends are really just funny people. Fun to hang out with. I miss hanging out with them actually. Oh well..that's the consequence for having a great schedule..haha. I don't get to hang out with them during those long breaks. Nako! Next term.. I'll only be in school TTH! That's just so cool. I can go to the gym MWF or even play tennis MWF! Exciting. I have one class with my crush..we're both Marketing shiftees. (Oh please he's just a crush and he's not that great looking. I just got turned on cos he's so confident, very friendly, eloquent and I think he's pretty smart too). We arranged it actually. Haha! And that's the only class which I know someone. For the other 3 classes..well new term..new people. That's what college is supposed to be, right? I mean during grade school and high school, I was stuck with the same old people and in college, I've changed that. Sure, not everyone I met became close friends but hey, acquaintances are cool. Who knows?! I might need them someday. Besides, I've established great friendships with my blockmates. It's not like grade school of high school that just because we're not classmates, we're not friends anymore.

There's this film school being constructed in Mactan, Cebu. It's gonna be finished by 2005, according to their newsletter. I'm thinking, I might want to go there. Since I'm gonna be waiting for my thesis mates (they're behind a term). It's complete with the dorm and it looks promising. But then again, it's much much cooler to study film abroad, like I've always wanted. In Chicago. See, I'm all excited to go to film school but I'm just scared that when I actually go there, I'll see all these people far more amazing and creative than I am. Goodness, screenwriting..what the fuck do I know about writing? I mean my ideas for stories come and go. And what about all those techinical stuff? I know I'll go there precisely to learn all that but there's a lot of people out there who are most probably better than me. But hey, I'm not chickening out. I have to do this!!! Of course, I'll have to discuss this with my parents. Hope they'd agree and hopefully nothing will get in the way...

A Day With Mama and Papa

I went shopping today with my grandparents in Shangri-La. It's been awhile since I went there and my grandparents aren't the type who go shopping all the time in those high end places. Papa who is now in his 70's I think, still works in the printing press as if he's one of the workers there. He comes home late at night with paint on his fingers and all over his shirt. Sometimes he'd slip and get wounded. But we've told him so many times not to work, he'll never listen because he's one hell of a workaholic. He'll even wake up in the middle of the night to go there and work! So our whole purpose of going there is to find him a good pair of shoes because according to Mama, his feet prefer Oleg Cassini and Bally. OKAY! So I went there with them thinking they're ready to spend money.

When we got there, we went straight to Rustan's to the men's section. First stop: Oleg Cassini. Papa saw a pair he liked but just looked at it. I asked him if he liked it and he said he did but he didn't think they had his size. Good thing I was there so I asked for the salesperson for his size. It took a while for the salesperson to get back. During that time, I told them to look for other pairs he might want to fit. But seeing the prices of those shoes, they were really intimidated. Those were expensive shoes. They almost wanted to walk away before the salesperson returned. But they didn't, thank goodness, but ungortunately, the shoes were too big. They didn't have his size. The people told me there we should check out Bass. But it's in the 3rd level. So we had to pass the 2nd floor, the ladies' section and of course, Mama would want to buy something and she did. 2 pairs of shoes and I got a pair too. The type that my mom would never give me in a million years! Hehehe.. and she got a terno outfit, bought especially for Jaja's birthday on Sunday, which I picked.

After Mama's splurging, time to buy Papa's shoes. We went to Bass, Marks and Spencer. He didn't see the one he wanted and they didn't have his size. He wanted the soles to be leather. So we went to Florsheim. Expensive shoes with leather soles, but he didn't see anything he liked or he found it too expensive. He said that people won't know anyway if he wore expensive shoes. And everytime we went inside a shop, the first thing he'll do is check the prices. I can see some judgmental people raising their eyebrows because Papa talks kinda loud. "Nako! Mahal naman neto!" Truthfully, I'm not embarrassed being with them. I enjoyed it the whole time actually. What I don't like about it is that Papa thinks it's too expensive for him to wear it. Here's what I think: Papa's old already and his a very successful man. He has established his own business all on his own, with his hard work, raised his children well and I think he deserves those expensive shoes. He says he has only 8 pairs of good shoes, all given by his children. Now, I think Mama and Papa should just be relaxing and have a good time, not to worry about anything because all is being taken care of.

I guess I think this way because my life is different. I've been given everything I need and want (sometimes! Gawwdd..what a brat!) on a silver platter. I'm spoiled I know (but I'm definitely not a brat) but I just think that they owe it to themselves. And they're not getting any younger, this is the time for them to enjoy life and buy everything they want because that's the fruit of their hardwork for years. It's not like they're buying 3,000 shoes using other people's money!

It's just fun to be with them and watching them. They're like kids seeing things for the first time. They're happy and content with simple things. They enjoy fastfood. This day has just been special to me. It's actually the first time that I'm with them, alone. I feel so lucky to have such cool grandparents. And they almost didn't argue like they usually do. So the lesson here is: Go shopping. It's therapeutic. Haha!

Break-Ups

I just learned minutes ago that Ate Erin and her boyfriend just broke up, for good. Since she's in the States now, I can't really talk to her. She never really talks about her relationship to any of us so I don't exactly know what went wrong. I just talked to her boyfriend of 3 long years, if I'm not mistaken and well, I got his side of the story. I have yet to get Ate Erin's but then again, based on my conversation, I don't need to. While hearing Jan talk about why they called it off, I almost felt like crying. I mean, he's been very good my sister and I'm very well aware of that. He's also a good friend to me and to my siblings. He's just one great guy I think that any girl would be proud of to introduce to her family. He has become part of the family! He's one of the pioneers of the PTF!!! Well I'm sure this will pass. It might take quite a long time but we're good. It's not that we're never talking ever again! He's actually one of those few people who gave me good advice when I needed it and I can tell he's a very sweet person.

Oh well. I never thought they'd ever break up because they're so different but they've become so perfect for each other. But then again I think that's how life is. Sure it's not everyday you meet a person you have a great connection with but that's not how it works. It's a very comoplicated thing. It's just very hard to understand how two people who've spent so much time with each other could just simple fall out of love. In a relationship, it's important that the people involved are in love. For sure, they still love each other, but seems like they're not in love. There's just a big difference. Yeah right..like I know what I'm talking about!

A Whole New Me

I passed the test. Yes. A friend even told me I got the highest score. If he only knew it was my 2nd take. But if its any consolation to ME...I didn't remember a single thing from the last time I took it. It was a completely different test. Well.. I couldn't have done it without my prayers. AMEN TO THAT. So prayers really work... And yes..I find myself happier these days..

I had a dream last week. I passed the test and my hair was short. I've been planning to chop my hair off for weeks now. And I did it already. It's short again. I love it. I'm regular to the gym now, and I play tennis again. This is definitely a whole new me. I've been waiting for this for so long. Hayy... I'm just so happy.

I talked to my cousin last week. I dunno if his WHOLE family still reads this thing. Hehe! He's like the guy version of me. Well..I'm not half as good a writer he is and not nearly as eccentric..but as we both put it, we have shitty lives. Actually..I'm done with that shitty part. He's in that stage now, but I know he'll be able to get through all that. That's the power of the PTF! Besides..his life is so shitty now, it couldn't possibly get any more shitty. We're strong individuals. We're smart people who made stupid mistakes. A part of me is maybe thankful it happened to me because it made me a better person. There's just a lotta things they don't teach you in school. There are stuff you just have to find out for yourself. Maybe it's good that we made these mistakes now, when we're young. I mean that's the point. We're young and we're allowed to make mistakes. When we're older, we'll look back and simply smile. This shitty experience has made us understand life a little better.

Life is full of ironies. When we were younger, I remember the two of us. Among all of us, we're like the only ones sure of who we wanted to be. He was supposed to be THE doctor and I was THE lawyer. Everyone supported us, of course and I always remember my Dad. He used to be so proud of me. When introducing me to his friends, he'd always always say that I'll be a lawyer. I dunno about his dad though. I remember Lolo doing that too. Oh well.. college came and the nightmare starts. Turned out, we were so screwed up. Really...who would have thought right? Even our Lolo, an incredible photographer whom I'd like to call an artist doesn't want us to make art as a living. He knows it's hard. Dad used to tell us how hard it really was. But art flows in our veins...I just hope at least one of us gets to have a choice. I hope Eona will.

When I had my interview last week in the Marketing Department, the teacher asked me if I'd be working for a marketing firm. I said sure. Yeah right. The biggest lesson I've learned in the 19 years of my existence is that life doesn't turn out the way you planned it. And I guess that's what makes my life so colorful. I've planned out my life at a very young age and look at where it got me. I've had so many twists and turns. Now, I dunno what to expect. Take my hair for example. I've been planning to grow it for almost 3 years now..and then just last week I decided to have a haircut just like that and boy does it feel good!Oh and yeah..I just got a white Himalayan cat for only P500. He was named Fluffy but Dad seconds ago, just changed it to Max. I like the new name better. Haha..so a new haircut, new course and a new cat. Wow, huh?

And by the way..if you're asking why the hell I got a cat instead of a dog... I've always preferred cats over dogs because they're just so..elegant. They're so graceful and when they stare with their big eyes..you know they're really more than what you think they are. Besides...dogs are overrated.

Killing Me Softly

I took my Marketing Test Wednesday last week. I even bought those MSA practice books so I could practice. But lousy Marketing Dept. posted too late. I knew about it the day before the test. And I had my Accounting midterms on the same day. I crammed as usual, but I didn't mean to. I was planning to be so frikking prepared for the test. But when I answered those practice tests, I was barely passing... I almost breezed through my Accounting notes just so I could study for that test...

I dunno how the test went. The English part killed me...the Math part..was okay. All in all... I'm just plain scared to check out the results. Jan said it was gonna be out today. While walking out of the campus, I was thinking if I should just go to the Marketing Department..but I can't do it. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't make it. I pictured so many images in my mind with what I would do if I'd fail. In my mind, I saw myself thinking of killing myself..but then I say to myself, I have to fall in love first and I have yet to make my award-winning movie. Then I saw myself not eating. Well that could work if I had self-control..but I don't. And then I see myself crying...AGAIN. I'm just tired of all this failures and disappointments. I just don't think I can handle it. I know I'm this tough chic on the outside..but really..I'm not as tough. I mean just right now, I'm freaking out just thinking about it.

I've tried novena. Oh yeah. Sure, I doubted God so many times..but when I went to Bohol and saw that scenery, I knew there is a God..it's just that God wasn't on my side. I'm only human. I needed Him and I was really desperate. I've prayed so many times before, asked Him for a favor, never did work. So I tried the novena. Praying the rosary. It's supposed to be 9 days...but I didn't have 9 days..I had 3 days. What I did was..I prayed the rosary 9 times in those 3 days...2, actually. And I actually cried. I was touched I guess. Maybe I was blessed...or maybe it was the dawn of the new me. Who knows...but right now, selfish as I may sound...I'm just thinking about the test. If I didn't pass the test..I'm trying to blackmail God..if that's even possible that I'm never talking to Him again. But that's so humanly stupid of me...

The more that I think about it..the more that I feel secured because I know that this time, God is on my side. He'll support me on this. But I also think about the disappointment I'm gonna cause to my parents and to myself...IF EVER...

Reality Check

I just saw The Prince and Me. I love movies like that!!! It gives people like me hope. Haha! I can totally relate to Julia's character, I swear! Except for the part that she's all focused about college and her life's planned already...in that part..I can relate to the Prince's. I guess that's the downside of being royalty. A lot of people are expecting you to be someone and you don't have a choice. That's the problem of royalties in reality, right?

Marga, Abby and I will totally love this movie. Well, I love it. Marga saw it already, I dunno about Abby. But for sure, she'll enjoy it. We all love fairy tales. And that's one heck of a modern fairy tale.

But before I can hope for my fairy tale, I need to be focused here. I just took my Marketing Test for the second time Thursday..and I have no clue what will happen. My fallback..didn't work because although I reached the GPA requirement for BMG, my Math subjects weren't good enough. Goodness..so I really really really have to pass the Marketing test...and now, all I could do is...wait, and pray. If I don't pass that test..I'm completely screwed, doomed. There's just no way I'm taking up Economics. And I'm so frikking delayed already... so until the results are released..I won't be able to sleep. So now..I'm keeping all my fingers crossed...

Money

The best things in life are free...but you can give them to the birds and bees... I WANT MONEY!!!

Bursting Into Flames!!!

I'm feeling better today. Yesterday has gotta be one of the worst days ever. As usual, it was like torture again. It was raining yesterday so I can't commute. Mom was in Makati for a meeting with her client so I was supposed to wait for her. She said she won't be done until lunch. It was only 10am. I asked her if I should just go home. She didn't reply. I miscalled her but she didn't answer. So there I was in frikking Glorietta walking all by myself in heels with no money to spend. Well I have an extension of her card. I could have easily used it and bought everything I wanted but I'm not THAT bad. Shit. Then it was 12 so I texted her if we'll pick her up already. And her reply was so simple. "Lunch pa." What the hell?! I thought to myself..she let me walk there and salivate for the stuff she can never give me and not even think how tired, not to mention hungry I was? Gawwwddd. I really should've gone home. But she wasn't THAT bad either. She took me out for lunch. That was the only good thing yesterday. She said she didn't see my message and that her phone was in silent mode. Whatever. We spent lunch together. She tried to bring up conversations but I was just so fucking pissed I just sat there with my mouth shut. Then when I thought we're going home..we're not. She had to go somewhere. Blah. I just slept in the car that whole time. That whole fucking time. When we got to Ubay, there's just no way I'm going to the office. I'm not gonna do anything there anyway. I went to Mama's house. Good thing Tita Ruby and my cute cousins were there. We took pictures with my phone, they performed for Mama to get five Peso coins. That was fun. And they had to leave already. So I had to wait there yet again. After That's so Raven and Starting Over ended, I went to the office. It was 6pm. We arrived by the way at 415pm. And I waited until 645 before we finally went home. What a crappy day, spent most of it in the car. Dinner comes, hell I was really upset. And she asks me why?!?! WHY WHY WHY?! Because of a simple text message she chose to ignore, everything that happened yesterday happened! WHY?! Why my ass!