It's So NIce To Be Happy!

Happy days are back. I've managed to catch up on Managerial Accounting and one last stretch for tomorrow's midterms. And big thanks to Insaniquarium, I'm officially well... insane.
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Thursday, the goddesses, minus Karla had a date. Kathy had her birthday so she decided to treat us all to dinner, hoping it was exclusive for us only. Unfortunately, Teng can't seem to surivive without Eboy, so it was us with Eboy. Eboy's actually starting to hit my nerves. I just dunno what. Teng, too. They're just soo frikking attached that they can't even have their own lives. I know couples have their own world but don't they remember that they have friends too? Gawwdd. Whenever we're with Teng, she brings him along therefore she spends all her time talking to her "bebe", saying their "alabshus" every second. Makes me wanna throw up!

So after everything's "fine", the date was set. Since it was everyone else's sembreak, Kathy and I had to wait til my class is over at 230pm. For the first time in my entire life, I commuted with Kathy to Abby's house. It was fun. Hehe. We spent the whole ride just talking about how irritated we are with Eboy (a.k.a "Ebs") and Teng (a.ka. "Taeng"). Shit..we're sooo mean! Then when we got to Abby's house, we were expecting to see everyone there, but guess who was missing? Urgh. So that's why we had to go all the way to Eastwood to watch a movie. Hmm. ANd so the issue with them were discussed and it was all clear with us. Teng and Eboy are inseperable but Toni pointed out that she can live without him for a single day with us, but there's no possible way to ask Teng to have an all girls day/night out without offending her. Fine. Then we went to Dencio's Libis. Since Teng's house was no more than 5 minutes away, we waited for them. After 2o minutes and our orders have been served, they came only to say that Ebs was in a diet and he can't eat. What the fuck was that?! Urgh. But of course, he ate...so little and he was even pissed we were forcing him to break his diet! I mean...if that was the case, he shouldn't have come! He knew perfectly well Kathy was taking us all out to dinner. And the whole time they were there, they were all "Sexy yang bebe ko..." Gawwdd. *puke* And after dinner, was the movie. So as we were going out of Dencio's, they said they can't make it to the movie. Huwaattt?! We came all the way to Libis just to eat with them?! Talk about eat and run. Really annoying. Good thing "White Chicks" was hilarious.
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Tita Dely's burial was really tiring. I stayed there for the "lamay" Friday and Saturday was the burial. When I got home, I was totally knocked out. I still can't believe that my relatives on that side of the family have so much issues. Gawwwdd. Backstabbing, jealousy and all sorts of shit. Damn...
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Sunday was Tito Mat's first (and probably only) child. I get to see some of my relatives whom we are "at peace" with. So it was fun. Then after that, we got home for the Sarmy Army reunion. Lolo and Lola has come back from the States and of course, it's a rule that we have a gathering. As always, my cousins and I exchanged our ever so corny jokes and we watched a movie, "Trainspotting." Talk about living your own life. Hahahaha!!! Well I maybe a little guidance would be great. The Pink Table Federation had another one of those sound trips we love so much. Emilky played the guitar and as usual, we were all impressed. Denden who is slowly beginning to be someone we don't want her to be, is learning to play the guitar. E.J., the genuis in the family played the piano like hell. He was so good that he inspired me to learn "A Thousand Miles." Before they came actually, I started to play again, practicing the boring "Fur Elise" but since it's so easy to play, what the hell! Haha. (So now, I'm sure the people here at home are tired of hearing me play A Thousand Miles...well..I'm still trying to perfect it..Haha!) So it was another great weekend for me. It was a long weekend actually. I didn't have class Monday. Ahh..
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Today was another happy day for me. He's starting to look cute again. Haha! For some strange reason, I guess I'm having a crush on him again. He even texted me Monday night cos he missed "That 70's Show". I saw his message 2 hours after he sent it. So when I replied, he was already asleep. Sorry! Haha. And tonight, we'll be watching the season finale of "The Practice". Yes. We have a lot of things in common. And in school, he tried talking to me. My gawwdd. What's up with me and talking with my crushes?! I mean, when they're around, I get tongue tied or something. It's like they always have to be the first one to talk to me!! Urgh. Then after class, he said I should remind him to watch "The Practice". And then on the way to where my carpoolmate parked his car, I saw him again. And the thing with me is I'm such a snob I guess I don't say my goodbye's. Urgh. But this time, before we parted ways, he really said "Edel." *lingon* "Bye." Haha.. That made my day!!!

NO TO CHEESEBURGER MEALS!!!

Gawwddd...how can I convince myself not to eat cheeseburger?! As of this very moment..I'm craving for it...help!
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20 minutes after posting that...I had one. I saw Baffeee holding her take out cheeseburger meal and I couldn't stop myself. If it's any consolation, I just had the sandwich... I look at my stomach..and I'm just grossed out...shit shit shit!

The Funeral..errr..The Wake

Sunday morning, I woke up at 6 in the morning. Meaning I've had only 4 hours of sleep. Zaza said it's because of my hang over. I was energized though. Its days like those that I really appreciate the beauty of waking up early. Everything's peaceful since I'm the only one awake. I even looked out my window to see how pretty the day is, the birds are chirping, the sun's bright... I wanted to just listen to my Maria Mena CD even if I listen to it EVERY night but I didn't wanna wake Zaza. So I got out and went to the TV room. I took the remote but I didn't turn the TV immediately. I sat down the sofa and kind of looked around and enjoyed the silence. Hayy... that was the life. Then the bum in me made me turn on the TV. As usual, there's nothing to watch. I surfed through the channels but nada. Then I remembered that we were going to Tita Dely's wake. (okay..it's probably better if the title for this entry is.. The Wake...*changes the title).

It's sad really. There I was just sitting down and appreciating the beauty of life around me when the thought of her death dawned in me. She was our cool lola. Everytime she comes, she wants all of us to greet her with our kisses. When we were younger, she'd scare us by removing her false teeth. And even when she was in her death bed, she'd always make sure we feel comfortable, forcing Ate Mahal to give us softdrinks and crackers. For the most part though, I'm really relieved that she passed peacefully. She's had enough pain and I think it's just about time for her to join her creator.

When we went to Funeraria Paz, Tita Boots, Tita Baby and Tita Mercy were there, Tito Manoling on his way home already. The room was filled with flowers. Everyone knew how Tita Dely loved flowers. First thing of course I did was go to Ate Mahal and give her a little hug (I don't really hug people but she needed one!). We looked at the body and it almost looked like a different person. I didn't shed a tear (is that bad?!). I guess I wasn't really sad because I expected it already. Ate Mahal was entertaining a few relatives so Tita Boots, Tita Mercy and Tita Baby came to us. For the first part, we just talked about Tintin's birthday, then Tita Boots told us how scared they were fearing that Tita Dely might visit them anytime. It was funny. That's how Filipinos really are...we can turn any sad situation to funny ones. But for the most part, we sang The Sound Of Music since it was Tita Dely's favorite. Haha. It was hilarious. Then we planned this year's Christmas party. As usual, after deliberate planning, countless suggestions, we're back with the Filipiniana theme. But that's the Arcega's and that's how I love it.

Tita Dely will surely be missed but she'll always be remembered.

Then we went to Tito Hubert's house. I've never really seen Tito Hubert, dad's so-called asshole bestfriend. I don't have a memory of him except his phone calls to Dad. It was his son's birthday and they're having problems because they can't meet half way and so Dad, being the godfather was called to the rescue. He's one unique individual. A little sabog but like Dad said, he's kind-hearted. He loves animals, and he's very hospitable even if their house was about to fall apart. We all kind of hesitated eating the food they were offering, but it was all good. It was a good experience finally meeting him. He's sentimental, he's weird, he's obviously smart but it seems like he's not a very good dad. His son obviously doesn't wanna end up like him which is good, I think. He's a bum. Oh shit. Seeing him actually made me open my eyes. I don't wanna end up like him. It's a mediocre life. And so...I'm sort of inspired. I WILL MAKE MYSELF! So bringing me to Tito Hubert's probably the best thing Dad's done for me. Haha!

...A Birthday, A Party and A Funeral

Saturday was Raymond's 7th birthday. Tita Ruby has invited all of us the week before that we'd all go out. All kids (including us 4) will enjoy Timezone for 4 hours and then we'll have dinner. And so it was set. I woke up late the next morning because of I came home late already from my date from the previous night. When I was just eating breakfast, Kuya Nono, surprisingly was home and told me the bad news. Tita Dely passed away that morning. My initial reaction was "Ohmygod", but I wasn't really shocked. I kinda knew she won't last til Christmas (Oh yeah..I sound like a very insensitive bitch but when I last visited her, it was very obvious she was in pain). No question, I was sad to hear the news but as Daddy said (and we've been debating aboout this) "The best thing that could happen is the finality of death." When I last visited Tita Dely, she couldn't almost talk. And when I asked Ate Mahal if she has prepared herself for the worst, she said no. I understand her, Tita Dely has been their mom since Tita Marissa had to work abroad and their dad died when they were really young. I can't help but feel very sorry for Ate Mahal but I'm just glad Tita Dely's pain finally ended. It's a battle she was never gonna win.

When we first heard the news, Ate Erin's instinct told her to go to Ate Mahal's and help out, meaning she'd drag the two of us (Kuya and moi) with her. That was no problem with me but it was unfortunately with my dad. We rushed to Town to buy Raymond his gift and then we'd head to Ate Mahal's. We didn't have any money but the P40 I have left from the night before, the gift certificate of Rustan's and Kuya Nono's coins worse, the E-pass in Lancer wasn't there. Great. Once we got to ATC, we went straight to the kid's section in Rustan's. Kuya Nono said that what Raymond needs is a wristwatch since he's just learning how to read time. Perfect. We were trying to beat the 15-minute rule in Town (if you parked your car for 15 minutes or less, you won't have to pay) and we did. We spent only 8 minutes buying the gift and we were out in no time. Our money was just enough for the toll. When we were in the expressway, Dad called up Kuya Nono and told all of us to go back to the house. Right. Our money's exactly P42!!! After much deliberation, Ate Erin, being the eldest and all decided to just go to Ubay, even if Dad said we shouldn't go. Take note: Kuya Nono and I had nothing to do with it! Haha! When we got there, Tita Chona, Karmina, Kevin and Papa were the only ones there..and fewminutes later, Kenneth arrived from school. Of course, Mama and everyone else were at the morgue. A few hours after lunch, it was time for us to go to Glorietta for the arcade! Papa was left behind since he didn't wanna go.

Arriving at Timezone was a relief. Time to just relax and release whatever it is that's inside all of us, or simply have fun. I was there to play with my little cousins and have fun. I enjoyed anything that has something to do with shooting vampires or whoever. Racing wasn't just my thing and definitely not those skateboarding shit. It was really fun but tremendously tiring. A few hours later, Tita Joy and kids came and we continued with the arcade. Jan was also there and I kept looking at my watch so we won't be late for the ANiMOLiSTA party, being the host and all (MWAHAHA! Excited?!). I was excited actually, but worried of what could go wrong. But when I was on roll playing House of the Dead, I lost track of time. Haha! We left at around 645pm. And we were supposed to be at The Fort by 7pm. I told myself to be worried since it wouldn't be my fault if anything would go wrong.

On our way to the parking lot of Glorietta, I was feeling rather sleepy. I got so exhausted of the arcade and I almost didn't want to go to the party but the show depended on us! Mwahaha! Of course we still had to change and since we were in a hurry (or maybe I was), I changed in the car. Applied little make-up and just "jujd" at The Fort's parking lot. Then we finally came. Kim Hao was worried to death, texting me if we were coming or not. Kim was just so glad to see us, and I was glad that there were people already. Better than what I expected. There wasn't a prepared program so we just came up with one a few minutes before we started. We ate our 2 rounds of food and our complementary drink since we were really hungry (if only we could've stayed in Glorietta, we would have been eating all we can in Dad's/Saisaki!) but the pica pica food wasn't bad. I had my San Mig Light and made sure I'd have the most out of it (I drank it with a straw). We noticed that the people were starting to get bored so we started the program with a drinking contest. Jaggermeister was a sponsor and they provided us with free-flowing drinks. Amazing. (I've had about 5 tubes even before the program started). That got the people pumped up a bit. We had the boys and the girls. Next was the Trip to Jerusalem with the guys having a bottle in between their legs where the girls would be grabbing when the music stops. It should have been fun but the girls weren't very game, so it kinda sucked. Then lastly, we had the dating game. That was the best part. And honestly, it was the coolest party JEMA ever had. It was the first time people were really involved in the games. Plus there were cool prizes and the drinks really were free-flowing. Jaggermeister: The best night you'll never remember. Oh yeah. I was tipsy the whole night. One of the best feelings there is. I danced with people I just met, talked to the Marketing professors, well I hope I didn't look like an idiot. Haha! Jan was trying to set me up with DJ Benjo Marquez. Haha! Well, he was a cool guy, not bad looking either and damn was he talented. He's a DJ, writes songs, plays in a band (if I'm remembering it right), studies in the US, very independent and he's a smart guy. He's 23 but who gives a shit, right? It was really obvious Jan was trying to set me up, asking if he has a girlfriend (about 3 frikking times) and telling him I was single too. Damn. Haha. It was all cool with me since Benjo was looking for a wife already and is eager to make "little Benjo's". Perfect! Haha! He was cool, but I guess I was too tipsy to even be attracted to him. Or maybe I wasn't even attracted to him since he was short and almost balding (shocks, even when I've had too much to drink, I'm still a mean girl). But he carries good conversations and he makes a lot of sense plus he's a gentleman. I wouldn't mind talking to him again. But nothing's gonna happen for sure. There was nothing there, but the same interest for the arts.

Seemed like a perfect night. What really ruined my night wasn't the fact that my high school friends who promised they'd come didn't come (of course I was annoyed!), but it was my childhood friend, Kimoy who promised he'd show up with his friends and pay for the 10 frikking tickets he stole. Gaawwd. He just really pissed me off. First, we were supposed to meet Friday afternoon for the payment since he took all 10 tickets from Zaza (despite that I told her not to give him the tickets if he wouldn't pay) but he didn't come. I let that thing slide. But that night, he came at around 12am. Heller?! At that point, Ate Erin was already drunk and was throwing up so we were really supposed to leave already when they came. I was already waiting at the stairs. When they came, I was already tipsy and wasn't quite myself and his really annoying hip hopper friends (with the jackets and those head thingies and the girls in their terno miniskirts, jackets and sunvisors..urgh where's the sun?!) were with him. I texted him early on that he was late and that he and his friends won't be able to get his free drinks. But I really wanted him to come and pay me. And I guess 5% of me also wanted to see him and see how he evolved. But fuck that, he was late and I was irritated with him and his friends (looked really jologs). Damn, when they saw the place one guy said "Pare di tayo bagay dito." Urgh. I couldn't almost recognize him when I looked at him closely. I didn't even have time to do that "Sup Kimoy, it's E to the D-E-L" shit. All I said was "Oh..you're late. The party's over." And I guess he was just really humiliated. Well, I didn't mean to do that but I dunno what else to say. So there I was intimidating him and his friends. Haha! Then this girl whom he didn't even introduce said to me if I wanted to get out of there and join them. HUWAT?! I may be tipsy but I wasn't completely out of my mind to go with them (Oh shit..another mean girl episode!), But I was polite to lie and say that I'd still be driving home and can't go with them (well..I really was gonna drive home once we get Jan home). Then I didn't know what else to say. I just stood there and looked at them. Then Chris got out of the CR feeling really sick. Haha! I talked to him for a few seconds when my cellphone rang and guess who it was? It was frikking Kimoy. "Tang ina, niloloko mo ba ako? Nandito ka na eh!" Oooppss.. Didn't mean to say that. But it really did come from my stupid mouth. Then he quickly apologized. Okay...I wasn't trying to be mean so I talked to him, for the first time. That broke the ice and then I explained that since they didn't really get anything from the party, they didn't have to pay. I've been mean enough. Then he felt relieved. Jeez. Then this girl kept butting in, the girl whom he claims he loves, well I was nice to her and even joked about them coming together. Oh well. Then I went to introduce him to my drunk sister. Then she started to say stupid things, bringing up the past. Blah. She was embarrassing, but who cares! What are prends are por! Haha. Then we said our goodbyes, his "girlfriend" was "feeling close", even made beso. OKAY. That wasn't really the best way for us to meet after how many years of not seeing each other but..well what happened happened. Maybe when he's online or something I''ll apologize..or maybe not. Haha..I'll be nice, I'll apologize.

On our way home, Ate Erin was just really drunk and we kept stopping the car in the middle of the road so she could throw up. She suddenly became this conyotic girl that I was when I was drunk. She was making such a big deal of me and Jan hosting together, leaving her alone that caused her to drink a lot. She was also talking endlessly about how stupid she was for not answering her phone when Ate Mahal called her. But, we made it. Jan's really one devoted guy. I mean, really. He'd put his finger in her mouth to make her throw up, changed her clothes, bring her up to her room and tuck her in her bed. Awww... But! Nevermind!

For the last part...I'll finish it tomorrow. Hehe..

2 Movies, A Birthday, A Party and A Funeral

This was one hell of a weekend...not my typical weekend. In a matter of three days, I've managed to see two really cool Spanish films for only P60 bucks, met new and old people, play arcade, get myself a bit drunk, embarrass myself a little, and attend a funeral. If I was to rate it out of 10, it'd probably be a 9. I had a blast.

Starting off with Friday, it was CBE day. Supposedly, that night was the session with my cousins but I think there was a slight confusion. So the night before, Ikay and I just decided to go see the movies in the Spanish Film Festival in Greenbelt. It was all set. My date with Ikay. That day, I went to my Markres class as usual. I didn't really expect anything because a group was just going to report. To my surprise, the classroom didn't look anything like a classroom. Instead, the group designed it in a way that it looked like a huge board game. So we had a game and it was really fun. We could've won, if not for Ted's stupidity of throwing the giant dice. Oh well. After class, my carpoolmate Toby and I went to G4 to check out the coffee conjunction for our Markres class (we didn't want to go to Cavite for the class field trip). When we got there, we found out that it was useless going there. After 3 minutes in G4, we went back to La Salle (talk about waste of time and gas). Since it was CBE day, my friend Jam was going to perform for the variety show and he's been inviting me to watch one of his gigs, and it was the only day I could see him perform. Besides, he was a rapper and I'm really not into rap. I must say, they were really good. And they weren't the kind of rappers with the bling blings I was expecting. I was able to appreciate their performance a little. Of course, being a good friend and all, I screamed and cheered really hard for them. Oh and by the way, that John guy whom they said was this freestyler shit champion was sort of good looking. PWEDE. I was supposed to watch Sponge Cola perform but they were stuck in traffic and since I had a date, I wasn't able to wait for them.

When I got to Greenbelt, it was about 7:05pm. Ikay said the movie was going to start at 7pm, which meant we were late and she hasn't arrived either. I even thought it was gonna be at Greenbelt 3. After a few minutes of looking for each other, we headed to Greenbelt 1 and decided to still watch "Smoking Room" even if we were 20 minutes late. I was kinda tired already but I still really wanted to watch the movie so I did. It was filled with conversations and they were all close-up shots which made me fall asleep in some of the scenes. But I still got the message and it was really cool. Basically, it was about this guy who works in this office and he wanted to have a smoking room. He asked for his co-workers signatures for his petition and the movie showed all the conversations he had while trying to persuade his officemates so join him in his petition. In the end, he only got 5 signatures, including his, and obviously that's not a lot and there's word circulating that if he doesn't stop making a big deal about it, he'll have his ass fired so those 4 guys were telling him they didn't want their signatures in the petition. Because of that, he got really mad that he set this one room in the office on fire. Then at the end of the movie, the conversation of 2 guys from the office were voiced over. One of the scenes in the movie was that there was this guy who was talking with another guy and he was telling his paranoia on how he imagines people he sees from the street would just suddenly stab him and kill him or by how seeing a wire can make him think crazy things like this wire being stuck in his eye or something and he's asking his friend if that was normal. The voice over at the ending was like the conclusion of what seems like that weird guy's therapy. And the other guy was saying how the city can make a person really crazy, how routines can make you insane (and boy can I relate to this!). To simply put it, the movie was about the thin line separating madness from normality. Come to think of it, nothing's really 'normal', right?

After the first movie, we had our dinner in KFC. We both didn't have money and I haven't eaten in KFC for months! I asked Ikay how she was, we talked about ourselves and everyone else. My non-existent love life, her forever loyalty to her neo and how she's "trying" to move on (Hehe!!!), her gross "sugar daddy", my gross admirers, and our prospects whom we'll never meet in a million years. Haha!!! Well, it was fun...

Next movie: "800 Ballas". That was a cute one. It was really funny. It didn't have a lot of those artsy-fartsy shots art films usually have and that was a relief. (I was too tired already to see another one of those that night). The story was nothing I've heard before, the characters were funny, the script was hilarious and witty. I'd like to see it again, actually. Comedy, Action, Drama and slightly pornographic all rolled into one. Haha! The story of a man whose madly in love with making his western movies...only they did it live everyday for tourists in this huge lot where there set is built. He's been doing it all his life and they used real bullets and all the shooting with the running horses caused his only son to die. Years after, his daughter in law who now lives in an enormous house in uptown Madrid along with his bratty kid son and her mother-in-law continue with their lives without him. The death of his son was very painful for his wife and daughter-in-law that they never talk about him or his son anymore. When the bratty but very smart kid accidentally sees the picture of his father in a cowboy suit, he questions his mom but gets nothing from her because she obviously didn't want to talk about it so the kid ended up getting answers from his grandma. She told her grandson that his grandpa works in Almeria as an actor so the very next day, the kid goes to Almeria. All the funny things happen and basically, once the mom finds out what happened, actions starts. Reality mixes with the show without the people realizing it. It was kinda like Big Fish in a way that the people don't know which stuff the grandpa says is real. It's touching and it's a really memorable movie and I'll try and look for it.

That was the first part of my weekend...

**Thanks Ikay for the company ren. We should do that more often! =)

Frikking Cable!

Frikking cable! I was watching "Changing Lanes" and it was just getting to the good part!! It's not all the time that I get to watch good movies in cable..let alone two in a row! At least I was able to finish "She's The One". But what I was really looking forward to see was "Changing Lanes"! I haven't seen that movie! Grrr...

Hayy life. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. And I'm..down I guess. But pretty soon I'll be up again...

This morning, I went to school with my carpoolmates. We were to meet at the terminal at 8:30am for our 9:40am class. At around 8:40, Misha's car finally came but some people still weren't there so we had to wait. It was almost 9am when Kevin came. Well, he's kind of a newbie and a lot of people find him weird. He's okay really, but there's just something about him that's kind of irritating. But I'm cool with him. His girlfriend's a friend of Zaza's and mine too. So there. Anyway, I was kinda pissed while waiting because I had a frikking accounting test and of course, I didn't wanna be late. When he got out of his car, he was kinda running towards us and he's in black. Well, no big deal with that, but he's soo white and his black shirt just caught my attention. He opened the door and I noticed his eyes were puffy, then he quickly explained that someone died. Okay. So I felt kinda guilty for hating him for his tardiness and it just all dissolved when he said his situation. All of us in the van didn't really know what to say so there was an awkward silence. Nicole finally asked if he's okay. For the rest of the ride, I tried to review for my test but can't help but think about him. I kept looking at him and he seems really bothered and sad.

Going home, we were in the same shift again. He loosened up a bit and he has managed to smile. I was tired so I was sleeping the whole ride. After dropping Baffee to the terminal, there were only two of us in the car and he asked me if I have ever experienced sudden loss. Well I did, but I guess I'm lucky because I've never experienced a loved one to die. That's my initial reaction. When our house got burned down, I was really devastated and that was my lowest but I don't think that loss would come close to losing someone. But he was right when he said that a part of me died. Yes, a part of me died. I mean c'mon! That house was where I grew up! All the birthdays, Christmas parties and reunions were all done there. I used to run around naked in that house! I even remember the weekends when Dad would trim the endless grass in our garden and we'd follow him around so when he needs a glass of cold water, we'll be there. So anyway..he's absolutely right. A part of me was taken away with that loss and that's what he's going through right now. It's kinda difficult for me to give him comfort because I really don't know him. All I know is just this white guy who dates a friend and I ride with him going to school on Tuesdays. I told him that after what happened to me, I didn't want to think about it. Then he said that the first thing is denial. But I told him that I never went through that stage. I mean when things like that happen, you know right then and there that that's reality and denial couldn't take place. This is me talking. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone, but for me, I was able to accept it easily but dealing with the loss was difficult. I know it will be harder for him since it's someone very close to him. Well...as Dad said..there are 3 things in life that you can't avoid. That's 1. Change. 2. Death and 3. Taxes.

Almost 3 years has passed and I can still remember that night perfectly. I've written about a dozen of papers about that night but it never gets old. Maybe it never will...

Okay..the story..maybe tomorrow..I'm kinda tired.. *cough*

Me Me Me!!!

I've come to the realization that I'm one selfish bitch. I can live with the thought that I'm a bitch..but selfish? Hhmm...not really. Well I think people just think I'm a bitch because I intimidate them. And what's so intimidating!? I really have no idea. So maybe it's better to say I have a strong personality. Fine.

I just re-read my past entries and it's like I think about myself ALL the time. It's all about me and my hair, over-eating, not going to the frikking gym..and it's all superficial shit! AND I HATE SUPERFICIAL PEOPLE! Gawwdd. I'm such a mess. Do I hate myself?! But..as Paula Cole said in her song..

I am not the person who is singing
I am the silent one inside
I am not the one who laughs at people's jokes
I just pacify their egos
I am not my house, my car, my songs
They are only just stops along my way
I am like the winter
I'm a dark cold female
With a golden ring of wisdom in my cave

And it is me who is my enemy
Me who beats me up
Me who makes the monsters
Me who strips my confidence

I am carrying my voice
I am carrying my heart
I am carrying my rhythmn
I am carrying my prayers
But you can't kill my spirit
It's soaring and it's strong
Like a mountain
I'll go on and on
But when my wings are folded
The brightly colored moth
Blends into the dirt into the ground

And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing i love
And it's me who's too weak
And it's me who's too shy
To ask for the thing I love
That I love

I am walking on the bridge
I am over the water
And I'm scared as hell
But I know there's something better
Yes I know there's something
Yes I know, i know, yes i know

That I love
But it's me
And it's me
But it's me

Hayy hayy hayy... That song captured who I am...and that's me.

For non-me related stuff. Go read another blog. Haha!

Speaking of! I just read Ikay's blog and I can relate with her. But we all get that feeling of "singularity" (?! haha..). I do most of the time. Sometimes I want to engage in deep conversations but there's no one's really into that thing, even my closest friends. So I end up thinking by myself. But it's always fun talking about highly philosophical shit. I enjoy doing it with my cousin, Emilky. I like the way he thinks...sort of like me, but he sees from a different angle and that's always cool. And Ikay! (I know you're reading this!) On Friday, when we have our session, we can talk about books like we always do. Well, I haven't been reading lately..so let's just talk about our artsy-fartsy movies. Haha! The last book talk we have was about Shanghai Baby, if I remember it right. Besides, we need to catch up on our movies! Did you say there's a film fest again in Greenbelt?! =)

And by the way..I remember our band! We're still forming one, right?! I mean for Lolo and Lola's Golden Anniv?! Haha.. That's something to look forward to! Yeah. Finally I'll sing in a band again! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Chances chances..

Man.. talk about once in a lifetime chance. My friend once again offered me to do this VTR for Globe. Wow. Cool. GLOBE. I mean I know it's not yet sure that I'll be picked but hey, it's worth to try. They're looking for "sexy and talented" girls. Hah!!! Who would have thought?! Well well well! That's something new. So I said I'd give it a try. She told me to prepare a song and a dance and I should make it sexy. Damn. I don't dance..and I don't do sexy dances! Not in a million years! Gawwdd.. So she told me to do a hiphop song. Hiphop?! What the hell do I know about hiphop?! I asked for suggestions then she said Beyonce, Black Eyes Peas..blah. So ok..MAYBE I could do Beyonce. Then I felt a rush of excitement. I'm really doing this! I even practiced that Beyonce dance I saw her teach in Oprah. The feeling of excitement and nervousness came to me and it was cool. At least..something new, right?

I spent my day just trying to think what song to sing. Crazy In Love seems easy..but the dance?! Oh god.. I can't even imagine myself doing the bootylicious dance. The whole time I was thinking that I can't do it. But that's money if ever...and yeah..fame. Fame and fortune was at stake. But I wasn't expecting. I was just hoping.

After a day of contemplating... I realized I can't do hiphop. So I texted her and told her if it's okay that I'd do a Natalie Imbruglia song instead...it's more.."me." Then she said it was no problem. Ok. Problem!!! I didn't have a minus one or multiplex of a Natalie song! Damn. What the hell was I to do?

By the time I got home, for some strange reason, I felt sick. Headache to the max and I mean max! I dunno what happened. But I knew I was getting sick. I feel my throat sore and that's not a very good sign. Shit..how was I gonna sing?! Together with the earthquake that evening..it was like the whole world is against me.

In the end, I wasn't up the next morning to for the VTR. My head was aching and I had a sore throat. It kinda pissed me off because my friend texted me that morning if I was ready and she was really excited but all I could tell her I was that I was sick and I won't make it to the VTR. DAMN! Well...life's a bitch..but I'm not complaining.. I just wanna know..once again..WHY DO THESE THINGS HAPPEN?!

"Love Is The Answer"

Today's a good day. The issue about my frikking nose ring was raised once more by my parents of course, but my reply to all of it was simply: "Kanya-kanyang trip yan.." I'm sure they'll never understand. But, they love me, I love them..it'd be fine. It just gets sooo fucking annoying.

It's cool reading other people's blogs. Then I realized that there's a whole world out there. Most of the time, I'm just a selfish biatch minding my own business but I'm forgetting the rest of the world. That's just bad, don't you think? I mean, I just overate (again!) and I'm still craving for cheeseburger (Now, I really understand why Richie Rich has his own McDonald's) and I haven't given a thought about the millions of people who are starving to death. Hayy...

I've been thinking about this song for weeks. Finally Zaza got the answer..and "love is the answer" nga talaga.. Haha!

Earthquake!

This is one boring night. I've spent about 3 hours already just surfing the net and chatting with Sugar. We're both bored to death and we doodled our way to the mental hospital. And my head hurts!

HOLY SHIT?! EARTHQUAKE!!! I swear..I was just watching Incubus' Warning video..and I felt the world shake for about 10 seconds!!! That was freaky! Home alone..watching that video. Well..in the video, there's this girl who knows that the world will end at exactly 1024. The video's kinda dark..and it really captured what they're trying to say. So okay..here I was watching the video I just downloaded from iMesh. I thought I was just grooving with the beat of the music, but nooo...the computer started to join in and I knew something was up. Then I saw the whole room shake. I thought the world was gonna end! Haha. Too much TV really is bad for anyone. Haha!

At least that spiced things up a bit.

The Net

I'm always online. Why is that?! Do I not get tired of checking my mail everyday even if there's nothing new? Do I not get sick of answering frikking surveys in Friendster?! Do I get anything from signing my high school class's gbook?! Do I even have a life?!

I'm a bum and that's the only answer to that. Well..I am getting tired of Friendster. I don't really like talking on the phone plus, we don't have a three-way. Through YM, I get to chat with as much as 5 people all at the same time, plus I get to surf the net, listen and download music. I keep in touch with my friends through YM. I even get closer with my cousins via the net! Ahh..the wonders of internet!

But sometimes it's really grossing me out. Why do people think they can find romance in here?! Urgh. I know it's the year 2004, but heller!!! Eww... Sure, it's flattering to be "hit-on" through the net, people finding you attractive and shit..but..HELLER!!! Eww.. Or! I'm just not open to that yet. But..will I ever be open to that? Nu-uh. I don't think so. Hmm..so what about flirting in the net? Haha..it worked for Eboy and Teng! Haha..that's different though.

But other than that..I'm loving the net. Makes everything easier. Research, communication..one click and you're done. And I'm done for tonight!

Tired...

Studying Accounting really sucks. I needed a break and so tada! I can't study in my room because I fall asleep everytime! I can't study in the TV room, obviously because of the TV. At least here in the den, I can. DSL has just been istalled and I can stay online all night long. Yey! As if. I'm just enjoying downloading songs. Finally it doesn't take hours to complete a 3-minute song.

I'm tired and my body's really itchy. I dunno what the hell I ate. I've been having this allergy for 5 days now. Urgh... I've been taking medicine but it doesn't seem to work! Grrr...

Wala lang talaga akong magawa. Napapagod na akong pag-aralan ang pesteng daloy ng pera sa isang negosyo. Nakakapikon na. Ang kati kati pa! Bakit ba ganito?! Talagang naaasar na ako. AYOKO NA!!!

Just A Little Bit and I'll Get There

Hayy...I love Maria Mena!!! Just bought her album 2 days ago and it's amazing. Her songs are just filled with emotions. It's witty, touching, humorous, dramatic... Obviously I'm loving it.

These past few days, my "steady" attitude seems to have not been working. As much as I want to believe that things happen for a reason and I let some things pass, I can't. I felt like I needed a boost or something. Then a friend I've only recently met texted me. She asked me if I was up for a VTR. Hmm..VTR, eh? She must think I have what it takes. Wow. I started to feel good. I asked her what's it for. And she said that her agent was looking for a "pretty chinita girl at least 5'5". Hey, those are her words, not mine. So okay. She thought I was pretty which was cool. But heck, do I look like a frikking chinita girl who's 5'5? Damn. So I told her I'm not what her agent's looking for, but I was interested. Oh well. At least someone thought I was pretty. Haha. That's a boost I guess. And then she apologized. She thought I was Fil-Chinese but she wants me to meet her agent, "he'll like you." Okay. Yeah man..anytime. I need money!!! I want money!!! Well..Kokoy still owes my a thousand bucks and we'll be seeing each other on the 15th. That should be good news but then again, he owed me that money since February. Man..if I was just a little bit taller.

I've been spending time with my "boys" again. Haha! They've confirmed once again I was one of them. But it's fine. I've missed hanging out at Yuchengco talking about all sorts of things, not eliminating sex, porn and girls. Man...do I miss having those talks?! Haha! It's always a laugh trip though when we're together.

I was just watching Sex and the City and it was hilarious. Charlotte's wedding goes wrong after all the preparation she's done. I could relate to that!!! So here I go again talking about how perfect it is for me not having a plan or a goal. Well, not really. I'm sort of thinking of a goal.

So what do I want to happen with my life?! Damn..what a question. Well, what's there to ask?! I've asked myself a thousand times how the hell I got here and I've stopped searching for the answer. I'm here, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've realized that the only thing left to do is just let it be and move forward. Right. FORWARD!!! So I think I'm doing the first step. I'm now taking my majors (finally!). Then what? I'd explore the world and find who I truly am?! Jeeezzz... Taking tests in Emode sure is helping! Argh!
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I don't wanna think about it...As for now, enjoy listening to Brandon Boyd's words.."love is verb here in my room!!!!" Hayy..this is the life pare!

There are a lot of things I should be excited about. Lolo and Lola will be coming home soon. Yey!! I just watched today's episode of The OC involving Seth's grandma having cancer. I'm just so lucky to have my both set of grandparents alive. We're in fact preparing a big party for all of them on their 50th Wedding Anniversary. Man! "Doesn't that make you envy, doesn't that make you proud?!" Oh yeah. I just watched The Notebook about 2 days ago and yes, that's something to be very proud of. Not a lot of relationships last that long. Sure Mama and Lola nag Papa and Lolo all the time (and I mean ALLL the time), that's how things work. But when they're both happy, they're soo cute to look at.

Secondly, that "session" with my cousins. I think for the first time ever, we're gonna get drunk together. That's gotta be fun. I just hope I won't do anything stupid that would be caught on video or pictures. And JEMA will have an acquaintance party. Now I'm not sure whether I'll be hosting. I'd sure love to host, saving myself from playing silly games that Jan thought of. Haha. What else?! Oh yeah..Ateneans and the Thomasians will be having their sem break. We've planned to go to Subic again. Yey! I really wanna go to the beach!!! (Meaning, I have to work out in the gym double time!). Then at the end of the month, my family will be spending Halloween and Mom's birthday in Laoag. I've never been there, and they said the beach is nice there. YEY!

Whoa..I'm missing out on school, right? Midterms coming up. Damn. I know I should study. I've been telling myself that but I can't get myself to do it...Grr...

Blast from the Past

Lately, I've been talking to a childhood friend via YM. I've never seen him for years and that Friendster thing served its purpose yet again. Zaza's classmates with him and then he added me in his Friendster. I enjoy surveys so I ended up answering some of his, then realized he was online the same time I was so I sent him a message. Simple as that. Then he asks for my YM ID. Next thing I knew, we were chatting.

I've been doing projects for my org the last couple of nights (causing me terrible eyebags) and he happens to be online all the time. So we chat. It's really weird talking to him through the net given that I knew him when we were little and I don't know him now. But it's fun that he brings up things from the past. Reminiscing the nene and totoy years that passed is really hilarious. I probably looked like an idiot laughing at the screen. So the totoy is now a man and the nene is still..shit a nene? Nahh..I believe I've grown into one astig woman. Can't believe I just said that. He's doing his thing now and I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing and we've crossed paths again. Funny how things like this happen. Wonders of life.

Surprise Surprise

Maybe it's the movie, but I'm just feeling calm tonight. I'm really hating Chris right now. Chris as in JEMA's President. He wants me to talk about Resources for the Blind tomorrow for 15 frikking minutes with a powerpoint presentation in front of hundreds of people. He just told it to me a few hours ago while I was watching Eternal. But! I'm calm. I'm doing it so no problem.

Maybe it's Joel, but I'm just feeling calm tonight. I'm really irritated with Zaza right now. I swear, I wouldn't read her journal again. She's like a clone or something, only something's gone terribly wrong with the process of cloning? I dunno. I've tried to ignore it but when I visited her site I just got a LITTLE annoyed. "Average Everyday Sane Psycho Super Goddess." Okay, I know it's Liz Phair's words, but I downloaded the frikking song and I used it first in friendster then, here in my blog. She even wrote "same" psycho which doesn't make sense (given that you use your common sense) and I told her that. I'd expect she'd change the whole thing completely, but no. She corrected it. Though she forgot to correct the title. It's still "same". Her entried are short, so it took me roughly 45 seconds to read her new entries. It's good she's in love with Carlo, whom she denies to be her boyfriend. Duh. Then I stumbled across the "freaking" in her sentence. She used it like the way I use it. For example: This is the best frikking day of my entire life. Again, it's really not my word but she's doing it again. Trying to be me? Or at least...trying to be like me. I don't get it, really. But! I'm calm. No problem.

I haven't been me these past couple of weeks. I'm pigging out!!! No..I'm pigging out. (Calm!) I've been sleeping late, eating a lot and I mean a lot, and not been going to the gym and playing tennis regularly. What the hell happened to me? I've been trying not to eat a lot and avoid all junk, but I went to the grocery and bought junk foods. At this very moment, 1130pm, I'm eating a cake. This is just not me. I should go back to the new old me...

Sunshine

I cut my hair today. It's now very short. It would take time to get used to but I like it. I like people's reactions. Everyone seemed to like it. They called me brave, crazy, cool, cute. It was all good.

I watched Eternal Sunshine for the Spotless Mind, the twisted story of love that I'd watch a thousand times. It's just amazing how Joel and Clementine, two completely different individuals can fall in love. It's wonderful how the movie was made. It was all artsy-fartsy. The idea for the story was so original. I've never encountered anything like it. I like how colorful and how completely out-of-this-world the movie is. While watching it, you might not feel anything but confusion of what the heck was going on, but as it progresses, you are hit by the realization that Joel and Clementine is just plainly meant to be. Memories may be erased and forgotten but the attraction and chemistry two people have for one another cannot.

I feel like I'm Joel and Clementine combined. I can be so repulsive and talkative but at times I can just sit in a bench and quietly mind my own business.

Seeing Eternal makes me wish for so many things. I miss the beach. I wanna go to the beach and get a tan. But it's really cool to go to a beach where it snows. I wish there's snow here in this part of the world. I wanna experience just lying on top of the ice looking at the stars holding hands with Jim Carrey. (Haha! Or whoever my Joel would be). I wish when I'd dye my hair, it would look as good as Clementine's (or better).

It's movies like these that inspire me. Hay...